Connections that end; and boundaries

Written by Amie on August 31, 2015 – 2:33 am -

Moving on when we need to

Some days it is hard for me to understand why things happen as they do. One thing I have been pondering lately is why we are connected to the people we are connected to on this journey of life. I believe some people are meant to be in our lives for the “long haul” ,so to speak, some are meant to be for a shorter duration, and some maybe just very briefly. Since becoming more consciously aware, I am able to see how the universe makes it pretty clear when it is time to move on from a connection with someone. Years ago, I would have tried to do anything, (mostly making myself miserable) to keep those in my life who I *thought* were supposed to be. And when I say “supposed to be”, I mean they had been in my life up to that point, so why should that change?

It doesn’t feel *bad*, it feels complete

I am noticing how different it feels to me these days when I don’t feel the same connection with people that I assumed would be in my life either for the duration, or at least for a very long time. I really notice in my body how the connection feels complete, as if saying, yes, this connection has served its purpose. It feels like we have done what we needed to do in order to grow our souls, and it is time to move on. It doesn’t feel *bad* to me. It feels complete. And, I just find it really interesting. I have also noticed that the ending of connections may also happen when we discover new boundaries within ourselves. We discover that certain things about a connection which may have been okay before, are no longer feeling good. I know what feels good to me in a connection with a person, and I know what I do not want in a connection. Depending on the connection, it may take a bit longer to tie up loose ends so to speak, but sometimes it is just a clean, clear-cut ending, due to either new discoveries or just that the connection has served its purpose.

talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk

In terms of boundaries, I know what I will no longer tolerate in my life in terms of a deep connection. I know I will not be in close connection with those who do not value who I am, all parts of who I am. I know I will not be in close connection with those who give the vibe that they are merely tolerating me. I will not be in close connection with those who do not value equal rights for all people. I will not be in close connection with those who do not speak up on my behalf if the situation calls for it. I will not be in connection with those who believe they deserve more or better than other people deserve. I will not be in close connection with those who will not own their truth. (this one can be a bit blurry sometimes because many people are not conscious enough yet to see this in themselves, or they aren’t able to acknowledge it in themselves). However, there is a big difference between not seeing their truth clearly, and wanting to deny the truth for one’s own benefit.If there is one thing I know right now for sure, it is that I want to limit my connections (as much as I possibly can without becoming a hermit) to those who say they are a certain way, but their actions say something very different.

We are all learning

And with that, I want to also say, that I completely understand we are all in different places in this life journey. I remember when I would talk the talk and not walk the walk. I was then, and I am now, still learning. We all are. I just know, that for me, I have to trust that someone I choose to reveal my truth, my soul, my heart to, is willing to do the same with me. It is very telling when someone is only willing to open up so far, but will easily focus on others’ issues and struggles, or on their own accomplishments and successes. I just know that I no longer choose to be in deep connection with those who aren’t willing to reveal their own struggles, mistakes, and wounds. I want to be in connection with those who put consciousness, authenticity, and inner self work as a top priority.

Setting boundaries

I understand why people may be reluctant to show themselves authentically, and I still choose to limit the connection. Most of my life was spent trying to decipher if those close to me truly cared about me, and if what they were saying to me was truth or if it was manipulation or narcissistic behavior. So, I have put in my time, and I am no longer willing to be in deep connection with those not willing to show their deep truth. And after years of healing from dysfunctional connections, I am done with connections that don’t feel authentic. This is a boundary for me. And I am done with those connections where I no longer feel healthy support. Everyone has their limitations, and for each of us to be healthy, we must decide what connections feel nurturing and authentic, and which ones don’t. The universe will help you see if you take the time to go inside yourself to listen. Take care of yourself no matter what!

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3 Comments to “Connections that end; and boundaries”

  1. Dawn Rose Says:

    Thank You, Amie, for having True Courage, & putting to words what aches deep in my heart. ((( <3 )))

  2. Amie Says:

    You are so very welcome. I am with you on this journey to discover your truth below the deep ache in your heart. Much love to you.

  3. Olivia Says:

    Dear, You were hurt I can see, as much as I was. I totally agree with all what you wrote! I have jumed full in relationships with emotionally unavailable people, workaholic, narcisisitcs…..Now enough! I hope I am trained to spot them, though! Still working on letting go from the past one. Love and Light

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We are not working towards enlightenment, we are coming home to ourselves.

Written by Amie on July 15, 2015 – 2:53 am -

“You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle.” ~Eckhart Tolle

 

Yes, the darkness exists

I want you to know that inside each of us is a seed that is a seed of the universe. Inside you is the whole universe in a seed. The universe is vast, it is perfection,it is pure,it is light,it is all. It is you. My favorite quote goes something like this, “you are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop.” I am telling you this because remembering this helped me remember who I really am even when I was feeling worse than horrible. When I would get those dark feelings and I could barely function, I would remind myself that the darkness was not who I am at my core, it is not my truth. Yes, the darkness exists, and it has been part of my journey, but it is not my core seed, the seed of the universe.

I promise you, there is nothing wrong with the core of who you are

We are born pure. Yes, I do believe it is possible to come here with some potential “baggage” from other lifetimes we have lived, but overall, we are born pure. What I mean is, I don’t believe we are born with darkness, I don’t believe babies are born depressed. I do believe some of us are born with a more sensitive nervous system, or are more calm, etc. I don’t want to get into that subject, but I want to acknowledge it. So, I want to assure you, the darkness you are feeling is not who you are, and you are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you. I promise you, there is nothing wrong with the core of who you are. The beautiful seed that exists in you forever. This can never ever be taken from you. Yes, it can be buried, it can be covered, it can even be hidden. But, it is always there, always.

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how to separate unhealthy or negative experiences from their core truth (seed)

The analogy that helps me is this; we have this seed in us that is who we truly are. The seed is unique for each of us, but always contains the entire universe within the seed. Which means we have everything we need, always. No matter what happens to us in our lives, we still always have the seed. Depending on our unhealthy life experiences or traumas, the darkness grows if we are unable to separate the experience from who we truly are (the seed within). Children, most of the time, do not have the life experience or awareness to know how to separate unhealthy or negative experiences from their core truth (seed). They will most likely *feel* the truth in their body without understanding what the feeling means. Most of the time a child is unable to decipher what the feeling is telling them,unless they have someone in their life who is able to help them navigate what is going on. I think of these unexamined experiences as cement that covers the seed. Each time we have an experience that is not processed, but instead it is repressed, it is like having concrete poured over the seed.

protecting the seed

If a child grows up in a dysfunction environment, and doesn’t have at least one person helping her understand her feelings, it is more likely she will have a lot of cement surrounding the seed, thus burying her true self. (I need to point out that everyone has negative experiences, and we all can make the choice to chip away the cement in order to unbury the seed within. I point this out because this isn’t a post blaming parents.We can all make the decision to heal our wounds so that we don’t pass on the dysfunction, and so we don’t navigate the world through a lens of our own wounds)The cement also serves the purpose of protecting the seed. What I mean is that if we are consistently exposed to dysfunctional behavior, such as abuse, neglect, etc, our seed goes into protective mode. Our seed instinctively knows to protect us.So, in this way, the cement actually helps us.

Taking care of your beautiful little seed must become your priority

When the day comes that we are able to navigate the world on our own, we can begin the process of chipping away the cement. I think of a sidewalk or a road where you see a little sprout popping up through the cement. The seed is resilient. It knows exactly what to do, and it will try very hard to help you remember who you truly are. It really depends on if you are ready to hear the message that you are a beautiful seed, you are perfection, everything is exactly as it should be. The seed will grow and grow and be seen more and more as you begin taking care of yourself. Once you begin the process of loving yourself and reminding yourself that you deserve a healthy life, your little seed will cheer and cheer until the day comes when you love yourself so much, you will no longer tolerate people in your life who do not respect you and who do not cheer for your seed to grow and to be healthy. Taking care of your beautiful little seed must become your priority. If someone does not see you or hear you, they may not be deserving of your energy.

You are the universe

The cement is not you. It is the negative experiences of your life. Each time you hear a negative message in your head, remind yourself, this is not the seed, it is the cement, and it was poured there without your consent. It was used to bury your truth. Talk to yourself, remind yourself of the universe inside, the seed that contains the whole univese. You are the universe. You truly are pure love. We are not working towards enlightenment, we are coming home to ourselves. We are uncovering the beautiful seed within, the seed that shines your unique self.

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