All of our true power is in this moment right NOW

Written by Amie on June 21, 2010 – 12:15 am -

Not good enough? My discoveries at an unschooling gathering

My family and I just returned from an unschooling gathering with 44 other unschooling families. It is hard to describe what it feels like to be surrounded by so many non-judgmental, supportive, like-minded, accepting  people. Even though it was an incredible experience, I still struggled with the voices in my head telling me that I wasn’t doing things as well as the other families around me. That voice in my head was yelling pretty loud most of the time we were there. The voice of the judge in my head was being very loud telling me that I wasn’t good enough, I was failing at this unschooling thing, I didn’t fit it etc etc. At first I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so out of sorts. I remember last year going to this gathering, and I felt so emotional the whole time I was there. Once I remembered last years’ experience, I was able to get in touch with what was going on with me this year.

In tears

Each time I witnessed a child being treated in a respectful, kind, loving way, it brought tears to my eyes. Each time I saw a child expressing themselves while being accepted and loved for just being themselves, I was in tears. Each time someone just listened to me with a kind, loving, presence, I was in tears. I gave myself enough space to really be with these feelings. I was able to acknowledge my sadness for the little girl inside me that did not have this kind of acceptance when I needed it most. I have become an adult that is still afraid at times to show my true self. Depending on who I am with, I censor my truth so that I can’t be hurt by them. I have read so many books that talk about how we learn certain coping skills as children that work for us then, but don’t work so well for us as we become adults. We keep reacting in the same ways in which we would if we were still children.

A promise to myself

When I remembered this, I was able to move on to get in touch with the empowered woman inside me. Everyone has a powerful being  inside of them. Many of us lost track of this power when we were busy trying to protect ourselves from being hurt emotionally. In this moment of discovery, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would sit down with a pen and paper and write out exactly what my truth is. I am making the decision of what I want my life to look like, and I am going to try my hardest to follow that truth. I am working on letting go of those coping skills that no longer work for me. I am letting go of fear and I am hanging on to truth, love, and power. It is obvious to me that we all need to feel accepted for being exactly who we are. I have been doing this for my kids but not really for myself. I was still hiding behind those coping mechanisms that I needed as a child. I was still trying to protect myself from hurt.

I am strong enough to get through it!

This is not an easy thing to do. I can see now that I will still be hurt emotionally by some people. I know that I am strong enough to get through it. If I allow myself to just be with my feelings, I am able to get through it and be stronger on the other side. I also know that I will protect myself by being with others on my terms, not theirs. I am not a victim, but sometimes I was living as though I was. When I keep my truth hidden because I fear being hurt, I am a victim. When I push aside my fear and trust that in this moment, all is well, I am living my truth and there is no victim. When I live from my truth, there is no room for a victim. It feels empowering to know that I control my inner being. I decide what I want to believe and what I think.

TRUST that ALL is WELL

In this moment, I trust that all is well. Stay in this moment. Fear is in the future or in the past. Stay here now and feel what is true for you in this moment. If you discover that your truth calls for action, make a plan, but stay in the moment. Your power is in this moment.

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Posted in Healing & personal growth, Unschooling | No Comments »

He makes me crazy!!!

Written by Amie on August 12, 2009 – 1:01 am -

I really can’t stand John Rosemond’s books

Okay, so tonight I made the mistake of looking at a new parenting book by John Rosemond when I was at the bookstore. Knowing how much his advice makes me over the top angry, I picked it up anyway! I remember getting furious once a month when I would read his column in the local parenting magazine. I finally stopped reading it when his advice to a parent whose daughter wanted to sleep with her because her parents had just gotten divorced, was to lock her child out of the bedroom and let her cry in the hall! It made me cry. I am so disturbed by him on so many levels. I know I have more power when I am “for” the right stuff, instead of  fighting against the wrong stuff, but I don’t know yet how to turn this around into something positive.

His writing  is disturbing!

I just really need to vent about this. Maybe I will come up with a way to turn my passion into something positive as I write. I think his advice disturbs me so much because it is everything I am against! I believe children should have rights, he believes they should basically have none. The way he writes implies that children are a pain in the ass to their parents, and that they should be miniature soldiers. He actually goes as far as to write a “Children’s Bill Of Rights” on his website. I know I am in some way giving him more exposure by writing about him, but I am writing because I think he is one of the worst people to give parenting advice! Anyway, his “bill of rights” has nothing to do with real rights. They are all about how kids should be obedient and grateful that their parents even let them live inside the house. Can you tell yet that he infuriates me beyond belief? The only way I can make myself have an ounce of compassion for him is to believe that  he must have been abused as a child.  He must have been so beaten into submission that he believes that he deserved this treatment.

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Fear and guilt!

His books and writings seem to be based in fear and guilt. His goal seems to be to make parents feel as though they are not good parents unless they have “obedient” (who uses this word anymore???) soldiers for children. I am a huge advocate for children’s rights, and I think this is why I get so upset whenever I happen across anything written by him. He is so incredibly disrespectful. It is hard for me to imagine treating my kids the way he proposes is the “right” way. I don’t understand why he thinks this is a good idea. Why do you want to raise children who end up hating you? I think he would see this as a successful parenting career if your kids hate you.

Control

I know that he is all about control. He probably never had any control over his own life, so he felt control when he had his own kids. He finally had someone to control, which made him feel good. How sad for them. And how sad for him that he hasn’t gotten help himself to heal his own wounds. It scares me that people like him are giving advice to parents. Children are people too.  I wouldn’t even treat a pet the way he suggests treating your child. He shows no empathy and emotion at all. He just gives off this persona like he is always in control, and parents should be too. He tries to hide this behind the word “leadership”. As in, parents should show leadership in their roles. By this he means parents should be commanders in their household army. Yuck!!!!!  His parenting philosophy sounds so barbaric and insane to me.  I will never understand nor agree with him.

I am trying to have compassion

When I come across people like him, I find it very difficult to have compassion for him. His behavior is mean and disrespectful. After reading A New Earth, I do understand that his “ego” is way off the charts. His dysfunction very high, but still. I will try to look for some compassion. Are there some people that it is just too difficult to feel compassion for? Hmm, I don’t know. All I know is that I will never pick up one of his books ever again because I let it almost ruin my night! Although I did give my kids a good laugh because I looked up his website to show them his bill of rights, and I may have cussed at the screen a few times!! So, yeah, I really dislike the man’s beliefs, can you tell?lol

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves

Here is an excellent video by Naomi Aldort, who wrote the book, “Raising our children, raising ourselves.” I have it listed under my book section at the top. She is an advocate for respectful, mindful parenting.

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Posted in Connection, Healing & personal growth, Kids/teenagers and depression, Mindful/respectful parenting, Unschooling | 1 Comment »
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