We are not working towards enlightenment, we are coming home to ourselves.

Written by Amie on July 15, 2015 – 2:53 am -

“You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle.” ~Eckhart Tolle

 

Yes, the darkness exists

I want you to know that inside each of us is a seed that is a seed of the universe. Inside you is the whole universe in a seed. The universe is vast, it is perfection,it is pure,it is light,it is all. It is you. My favorite quote goes something like this, “you are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop.” I am telling you this because remembering this helped me remember who I really am even when I was feeling worse than horrible. When I would get those dark feelings and I could barely function, I would remind myself that the darkness was not who I am at my core, it is not my truth. Yes, the darkness exists, and it has been part of my journey, but it is not my core seed, the seed of the universe.

I promise you, there is nothing wrong with the core of who you are

We are born pure. Yes, I do believe it is possible to come here with some potential “baggage” from other lifetimes we have lived, but overall, we are born pure. What I mean is, I don’t believe we are born with darkness, I don’t believe babies are born depressed. I do believe some of us are born with a more sensitive nervous system, or are more calm, etc. I don’t want to get into that subject, but I want to acknowledge it. So, I want to assure you, the darkness you are feeling is not who you are, and you are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you. I promise you, there is nothing wrong with the core of who you are, with that beautiful seed that will exist in you forever. This can never ever be taken from you. Yes, it can be buried, it can be covered, it can even be hidden. But, it is always there, always.

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how to separate unhealthy or negative experiences from their core truth (seed)

The analogy that helps me is this; we have this seed in us that is who we truly are. The seed is unique for each of us, but always contains the entire universe within the seed. Which means we have everything we need, always. No matter what happens to us in our lives, we still always have the seed. Depending on our unhealthy life experiences or traumas, the darkness grows if we are unable to separate the experience from who we truly are (the seed within). Children, most of the time, do not have the life experience or awareness to know how to separate unhealthy or negative experiences from their core truth (seed). They will most likely *feel* the truth in their body without understanding what the feeling means. Most of the time a child is unable to decipher what the feeling is telling them,unless they have someone in their life who is able to help them navigate what is going on. I think of these unexamined experiences as cement that covers the seed. Each time we have an experience that is not processed, but instead it is repressed, it is like having concrete poured over the seed.

protecting the seed

If a child grows up in a dysfunction environment, and doesn’t have at least one person helping her understand her feelings, it is more likely she will have a lot of cement surrounding the seed, thus burying her true self. (I need to point out that everyone has negative experiences, and we all can make the choice to chip away the cement in order to unbury the seed within. I point this out because this isn’t a post blaming parents.We can all make the decision to heal our wounds so that we don’t pass on the dysfunction, and so we don’t navigate the world through a lens of our own wounds)The cement also serves the purpose of protecting the seed. What I mean is that if we are consistently exposed to dysfunctional behavior, such as abuse, neglect, etc, our seed goes into protective mode. Our seed instinctively knows to protect us.So, in this way, the cement actually helps us.

Taking care of your beautiful little seed must become your priority

When the day comes that we are able to navigate the world on our own, we can begin the process of chipping away the cement. I think of a sidewalk or a road where you see a little sprout popping up through the cement. The seed is resilient. It knows exactly what to do, and it will try very hard to help you remember who you truly are. It really depends on if you are ready to hear the message that you are a beautiful seed, you are perfection, everything is exactly as it should be. The seed will grow and grow and be seen more and more as you begin taking care of yourself. Once you begin the process of loving yourself and reminding yourself that you deserve a healthy life, your little seed will cheer and cheer until the day comes when you love yourself so much, you will no longer tolerate people in your life who do not respect you and who do not cheer for your seed to grow and to be healthy. Taking care of your beautiful little seed must become your priority. If someone does not see you or hear you, they may not be deserving of your energy.

You are the universe

The cement is not you. It is the negative experiences of your life. Each time you hear a negative message in your head, remind yourself, this is not the seed, it is the cement, and it was poured there without your consent. It was used to bury your truth. Talk to yourself, remind yourself of the universe inside, the seed that contains the whole univese. You are the universe. You truly are pure love. We are not working towards enlightenment, we are coming home to ourselves. We are uncovering the beautiful seed within, the seed that shines your unique self.

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, Emotional Wounds, healing from depression, Help with depression, Self-love | No Comments »

The importance of doing your inner work

Written by Amie on June 23, 2015 – 12:21 pm -

Today I will show myself love, I will nurture myself

I feel so good today! Yesterday I went back and forth with someone I have been estranged from for over two years. Each time I responded, I asked myself why I was engaging with her toxic words. I had to really process why I was allowing myself to get sucked into her nonsense. Today I figured it out, and I feel a weight has lifted from me. I am ready to move on again, another layer of old emotional baggage released. It makes me want to celebrate! I am not celebrating the loss of this person in my life, because I do wish we could have a healthy relationship. It just isn’t possible right now. Instead, I’m celebrating the release of old emotional energy that was stuck in my body. Actually, I will be doing my own little ceremony later today with a ritual of releasing. Rituals are so helpful for me. Today I will show myself love, I will nurture myself. I will be there for me.

I can’t stop their suffering, only they can

So, what did I learn from this unhealthy exchange? Many things. First, I learned that, I have truly absorbed the message that it is okay, in fact it is my right, to be happy, EVEN IF other people are not happy, even if they are miserable. I have a right to happiness. I do not owe anybody a piece of my life by trying to help them be happy. If someone close to me is unhappy, it is NOT my responsibility to try to fix them. Yesterdays exchange really solidified to me, that I am free from this burden! I feel it in my body, which tells me that place in me that used to take responsibility for others’ happiness is no longer there! WOOHOO!!!Every person is responsible for their own life. I can support them in their journey, but I can’t stop their suffering. Only they can.

They would rather blame, shame, accuse, bully,and give their toxic garbage to others

The second thing I learned is that there are so many people who refuse to take responsibility for their own behaviors, actions, beliefs,thoughts, and really own their life. They would rather blame, shame, accuse, bully,and give their toxic garbage to others. They will do everything in their power to avoid feeling their own truth.They might even hide behind their misplaced belief that if they just stay “positive”, or if they only focus on helping others, then this will make it so they don’t have to do their own inner work of looking at the sadness, the disappointment, the anger that lies underneath. They may even believe that if they were to look at their true feelings,then others might accuse them of focusing on the past. This isn’t true. In order to be free and happy and authentically emotional, we can’t skip the step of healing the wounds that linger within us. Some have more than others, some less. We are who we are because of our life experiences. I understand why many people avoid feeling their truth, they avoid going deeper within themselves.It can be a scary process. But in order to be free emotionally, which affects all aspects of who we are, we must look inside ourselves, and feel what is there.It is helpful to have a therapist if you have deep or traumatic wounds. Plus, it is helpful to have someone to process feelings with.

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Some people feel threatened when they see another person getting healthy

I learned that some people are afraid of therapy, or they have a warped idea of what therapy really is. Mainly I learned that therapy is threatening for some people. It is scary for them to consider getting in touch with their true inner feelings. It is too scary for them to imagine sharing their inner feelings with someone, so instead they condemn people who choose therapy. They even go as far as trying to bully a person to convince them therapy is bad, the therapist only wants your money, the therapist doesn’t care about you, etc.(a side note is that I feel it is extremely important to interview therapists and find one that has done their own emotional work. Therapists and counselors can truly only help a person if they too, have done their own work) It is quite obvious to see the real feelings beneath this dysfunctional behavior. Some people feel threatened when they see another person getting healthy. They may feel threatened by the person going to therapy because when a person or people in a group start getting healthy, all other group members feel the change, and they don’t like it. The dysfunctional way that has always worked is shifting, so when some members are not willing to grow, they don’t want others to grow either. It felt really good to be able to separate my truth from theirs. Reading their hate filled words made it so obvious to me that they are truly suffering, and I am not responsible for their suffering!

It is not my job to try to convince someone to help themselves

This is the most important thing I learned; that it is not my job to try to convince someone to help themselves. If they ask for my help, of course I would support them and help them. This isn’t what I’m talking about. Over the last few years, I have been learning how to separate myself from others feelings. I am a person who is able to feel others’ emotions, and before I knew this about myself, I would take on their emotions as if they were mine. Now that I know this about myself, I do things to protect myself from others’ emotions. In the past I would always see the pain and suffering underneath toxic behavior, and then I would excuse this behavior by telling myself, “but they are a good person underneath.” This may be a true statement, most people are good people underneath their unhealthy behaviors. HOWEVER, this does not ever excuse people who treat others badly. EVER. So, what finally sunk in after all of these toxic exchanges yesterday, is that it is not my job to help this person see the goodness in herself, (she doesn’t want help seeing that). It is not my job to show her the underlying pain she is avoiding feeling when she is spewing mean and hateful words at me. It is not my job to overlook her behavior by saying, “but shes a good person.” It is her job. It is her responsibility. It is her life. She has to do the work in order to heal the pain inside herself. I am free.

It also gives them a ticket to be a jerk

I will not excuse bad behavior on the premise that I feel sorry for her because she is in a lot of emotional pain. I felt sorry for her a small bit up until last night. And then the weight lifted. I no longer feel sorry for her because by feeling sorry for her, this gives away some of my own inner power. It also gives her a ticket to be a jerk. If I feel sorry for a person, it means I am not holding them accountable for their unhealthy behavior towards me, which in turn usually means I excuse the bad behavior, thus keeping the dysfunctional cycle going. I see now without a doubt that each of us has to do our own inner processing, and that deep wounds do not give us a free ticket to be mean and nasty to other people. If we want healthy relationships, we do the work to heal our wounds, without injuring others in the process. We may injure others because we are not perfect, but when this happens we acknowledge it and we take full responsibility. Take responsibility for your life, for your behavior, for your words. Be vulnerable. FEEL.

SO, please remember, your job is YOU. You take care of your emotional health, and don’t allow others to spew their emotional pain onto you in the form of telling you all of the things they think are wrong with you. (oftentimes the words they spew at you are actually the true words of how they feel about themselves) In order to heal our wounds, we have to take care of ourselves, protect ourselves from toxic behavior. You have a right to protect yourself from unhealthy people, even if they are blood related. It is your life, you get to choose how to live it. Nobody else. YOU.

 

 

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Posted in Healing & personal growth, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self-love | 2 Comments »
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