We have been taught to avoid feeling our greatness

Written by Amie on April 11, 2015 – 2:38 am -

The message is well ingrained

We are so much more than this temporary shell (our body) we live in. Our soul (or our true self) has been taught to live in a state of being shut off from its truth. This message is loud and clear starting from the time we are babies and children. (there are different degrees of this, with some parents who are awake and who see and respond in a healthy way to their babies and children). However, in this post I am talking about the majority of people(in my opinion) who are raised with the message that they need to shut off their truth. Most people in one way or another have gotten the message that their true self, their true beauty, their true magnificence, should not be seen or heard. This message is taught to babies and children, and also is carried into adulthood. By the time we reach adulthood, the message is well ingrained. I am here to say, this can be healed, it can be reversed. Your true self can shine!

until they were indoctrinated

I observe people, it is what I do. I notice how uneasy people are around other people in general. I watch at the grocery store, and I see people afraid of making a mistake. “Oh no, I thought that cost $5, I am so sorry I told you the wrong amount”. And they go on and on berating themselves for making an innocent mistake. “gosh, I can’t believe I did that, I should have noticed that, how did I miss that?” All while feeling ashamed to look at the other people for fear the others will agree, that yes, you are in fact, stupid. This breaks my heart in so many ways. (And, I used to be just like that. I would beat myself up all day for one little mistake) I see people who are so wounded inside, but yet trying to appear “normal” and happy. They believe the stories and lies they learned, and they are living from this place of untruth. They have completely forgotten their beauty, the true magnificence of their soul, the perfection they were born with. The beauty they knew at a very deep level, until they were indoctrinated with the message of who they truly are is not okay. Watch people. Watch how uncomfortable so many people are with feeling afraid when they think they cut in front of you in line, or afraid to speak up if something is not really what they want, or making sure others go before them even when they were there first. (because maybe I am not worthy of being treated kindly, or I don’t want you to think I feel I am better or more important than you) There are also the messages from many religions that say we must not be selfish, always put others first. So even in those times when you  really don’t want to put others first, you do it anyway, so as not to be seen as a bad person. Oh…..the lies run deep.

An “anger trance”

Our true self (our essence, our soul, our spirit) does not match up with the outer world we are living in. (the outer world is like a movie, it is made up) Our minds have been trained to see in a very muted, dysfunctional way. So, after years and years of this muting of our true self, many people may become very angry. There are different degrees of this. Many people live their lives in an anger trance, feeling grumpy and mean most of the time, while sometimes putting on a “happy face” to convince others of how happy they are. Or the anger takes over and they lash out and hurt others around them. Or they become very deeply depressed and can barely get through the day. Or they turn on themselves with self hate. Or a combination of these things. Many people self medicate trying to shove down the bursting of the soul’s cries to be seen and heard. Sometimes this works for a lifetime, sometimes not.

avoid feeling and seeing our own greatness

We have been taught to avoid feeling and seeing our own greatness, at any cost! As some children we are told to be quiet, shhhh, stop bothering people, or can you please just stop talking, or don’t be a show-off, or be nice to your friend, don’t be mean, or stop being a know it all, or you can’t like that activity, it is weird, it doesn’t make sense, or no, that is not ok, or why do you have to do that, or just do as I say, you are just a child you don’t know what’s best for you, or stop doing that, people are staring, or you are fine, that didn’t hurt!, stop being a baby, or go to sleep, there is nothing to be afraid of, or you must be mistaken, I doubt that really happened. I’m thinking most of you may be able to add to this list?

Nobody knows better than you, what is best for *you*

Children *know* and act out their greatness, their magnificence! This is what we need to come back to. How do we do this? We start observing every single thought we are having. We pay attention to how our body feels, and we explore what those feelings are. We decide what feels good and what doesn’t. We do things that feel good. We take care of ourselves in all ways the best we can.We practice being kind to ourselves. This is so very important! Once you are able to be kind to yourself, the rest will fall into place. Some people may no longer be welcome in your life. Many things may change, or not. It is all about learning to love yourself. I promise you, the reasons why you are cruel to yourself stem from learned behavior. The thoughts about yourself that are anything but magnificent are NOT true! I am not saying we are all perfect and we will be happy every single second. No. This is unrealistic. But, yes, we are perfect in the sense that nothing is wrong with us. We only learned that something must be wrong with us. Our world is set up to make us think we should dim our light. It is set up to keep us feeling like we should “obey” authority figures, or that someone else knows what is best for us. NO! Nobody knows better than you, what is best for *you*! Shine your light! That is why you are here, to be in your magnificence.

you may need to go slow and grow into your truth

The outer world is is not who you really are. Your inner soul is who you are. Yes, we need these bodies in order to function as humans, but we are not our bodies. If you sit quietly and just *be* with yourself you will soon feel your true self. You will begin to “hear” (not audibly) who you are. You will begin to know who you are. You will know the part of you (the authentic part) who is magnificent, the soul you are. You may not trust this message at first, you may need to go slow and grow into your truth. It is a process. It takes practice to begin hearing your true self if you have spent most or all of your life being taught to ignore it. Your truth is there, inside you, I promise. All of the answers you need are there, always. Nobody can take them from you. You are brilliant! You are a beautiful magnificent soul! Ahhh…….

“I am Light” by India Arie

 

 

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letting go; it is a process

Written by Amie on March 26, 2014 – 3:14 am -

bypassing old protective programming

It seems as though there are endless opportunities to practice letting go of the things that can’t be the way I want them to be. It is so interesting to me when I *know* something intellectually, but it isn’t quite resonating with me in my body emotionally. For example, in my life right now there are a few people who I really wish would *wake up*. I am not saying this in a judgmental way. Not at all. I’m saying that I wish they would have that “a-ha” moment when they realize how much they have hurt people they love, including me. The moment when their heart bypasses their old protective programming and their  human vulnerability comes  forward. I find myself wanting to tell them how hurtful their words and actions have been, but I know my feelings will be dismissed and I will be told I am angry and hateful. It is frustrating and very sad that we can’t have a conversation as people who, on some deep level, care about each other. On some deep level, beyond the defensiveness and the conditioned beliefs we have learned, lie two souls who just want to be loved and connected.

charge-hug

 I was closed up tight

It sounds so simple when I look at it from this point of view. I honestly believe it could be simple, but only if all parties are willing to put aside their armor, and just express their truth. Instead, I have to keep my boundaries, otherwise I continually get hurt. I understand exactly where they are coming from. I remember wearing my armor so tight that nothing could get in. I couldn’t admit to a mistake, I couldn’t admit I needed something, I couldn’t admit I was hurting. I was closed up tight. And this is why it is so difficult for me. I understand exactly where they are coming from, and at the same time, I crave an authentic connection with them that will never be unless they become conscious of their own wounds and begin to heal. It is contrast at every turn for me. I am not the same person they used to know. I am who I was born to be now. So I don’t relate in the same ways to people anymore. It is difficult to be around the old behaviors. It is difficult to be around the dysfunction, that in the past, had intensified my self hate.

focus on *how I feel* in a situation

I used to think something was terribly wrong with me because I felt one thing in my body, while at the same time, I was told a completely different truth. (It was a way to keep the facade going that everything was perfect and wonderful) I couldn’t figure out the inconsistent feelings for a very long time. I have since learned to focus on *how I feel* in a situation, not what someone else tells me is true. Trusting how I feel has been, and still is a difficult practice for me. Some days it clicks and I trust without a problem. Other times I question every single thing people say and do, and I doubt my gut feelings. I’m getting there, albeit slowly. It is a re-learning, it is a process. It is still tricky for me sometimes when someone sends me a note with words that, years ago I would have thought, “this is nice’. (While also feeling crappy inside, and assuming its just me,  something is wrong with *me* if I can’t see that this person is being nice) I received a birthday card the other day, that appeared to be a birthday card, but was really an attempt at guilting me. To some, it may have been considered “nice”. However, I am able to translate, or decode words from people now. I know the patterns.

 unresolved emotional wounds

I always come back to this: why do I want to spend time with people who can only see themselves as victims. By this I mean no matter what is said, they turn it around as though they are being attacked. They reach out in the same manner  that  worked on me in the past. Guilt and shame got me every time. I would feel so guilty that I would never question the behavior of these people, and I would go back every single time. I would go back to living the dysfunction I felt familiar with. Until I started waking up and realizing my true self was completely buried. And slowly, I had to distance myself. Then a year ago, I had to draw even deeper boundaries. Here we are over a year later, and they not willing to look within themselves to see how their actions have hurt. Hurt deeply. Had I not begun the process of waking up, I would be hurt over and over again. Because each time they ignore the needs of others, the hurt is compounded. Each time they twist the truth, they cause deeper hurt. Each time they use guilt to try to persuade, they cut deeper. This is the part I have a hard time letting go of. The fact that they refuse to truly accept how their behavior affects those they claim to love. I am no longer a victim to this behavior. Yes, it is difficult to understand, but I also know its not about me. They are acting and speaking from their unresolved emotional wounds.

I know for sure

It gets easier for me to let go when I am reminded of just how dysfunctional this situation is. At the very beginning of this situation, when someone very close to me was hurt, nobody came to her to see how she was doing. Instead, they ran to the side of the person who did the hurting. This is when I know for sure I am doing the right thing. This is when I know for sure I am breaking the cycle, at least for my own family. And still, it is difficult to let go of the hope that things will ever be healthy. It is a process…..

Great clip with Brene Brown about having the courage to be vulnerable.

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