Accepting each moment as it comes

Written by Amie on December 29, 2012 – 3:29 am -

 Feeling good happens in each moment, it isn’t something that happens in the future

I want to write about this because I think it may help at least one person. It is another one of those things that I really didn’t understand for quite a few years. I read so many books talking about staying present, or being “in the moment”. I thought I understood what that meant. I found out that I really didn’t know how to put it into practice. I was still too much “in my head”. When you are in your head, it is almost impossible to be in the moment. I would find myself thinking about the future when my depression would be all better. Little did I know, thinking about this was a distraction from being where I was right in that moment. I was “in the future” in my mind, so there was no way to be fully in the moment. Feeling good happens in each moment, it isn’t something that happens in the future. Distractions keep us from feeling. Thinking too much keeps us from really being with how we feel in any given moment. In truth, all situations are neutral. It is when we add our stories, our commentary to a situation that makes it into something other than neutral. (This would be a different conversation if a person is in physical danger. Thinking needs to happen so as to keep a person safe) When we start labeling a situation, we are immediately taken out of the moment, which means we are not present.

this shuts down the human process

We have been conditioned to think too much. We have been conditioned to label every single thing that happens to us. For most people, it is nearly impossible to allow emotions to flow freely through their body and just feel. This is the reason so many people feel so down and depressed. All of those unexpressed emotions are stuck in the body. Trapped, causing anxiety and depression. For many people, the minute an emotion starts in the body, they shut it down. They distract themselves with tasks or thoughts about things that need to get done or reasons why they “shouldn’t” feel the way they feel. This shuts down the human process. We are emotional beings. However, we have evolved into humans who stuff their emotions and who feel bad about their emotions. We have been conditioned to ignore our emotions and sensations, therefore taking us away from accepting what “is” in each moment. A moment is just a moment, it is the thoughts about the moment that make us feel miserable. I am not saying there is no such thing as a sad event or a time to feel discouraged or frustrated etc….but staying with the labels and thoughts about the situation  create a distraction so that your true feelings about the moment can’t be processed. Emotions are truly sensations in the body. The next time you feel angry or sad, see if you can notice your body. When I feel angry, I feel my stomach tighten, I feel my legs start shaking if I am really angry, etc. If we can allow ourselves to just feel these sensations without adding a story about them, they will flow through the body, which allows us to be in a place to process our options, if an action needs to be taken.

I continued to sit with my uncomfortable feelings

I will give some examples of what I mean, hoping that it will help you understand what I am talking about. One example would be when I sat down to meditate the other day. I sat down, and about two seconds after I sat down my mind said “ugh, I really don’t want to do this, I don’t feel like sitting here, what is going on, my mind is racing….” So, I could have distracted myself by getting back up and cleaning the kitchen instead. Instead, I continued to sit with my uncomfortable feelings. I told myself,” gosh, I really don’t want to sit here”, and then I just let that thought be there instead of trying to “fix it” or run away from it. In the past when I felt this way, I would have said, “gosh,what is going on here. yesterday I was able to sit in silence, why not today?” And my mind would have been off to the races so to speak. My mind would have stayed focused on these thoughts, and I would have been sitting there analyzing why I didn’t feel like meditating. So, it is more of an observation. It is like saying, “hmmm, my legs are wiggling around, I am uncomfortable, hmmm….” and then just be with that. No stories, no judging, no analyzing, no trying to find a solution.

you get closer to your truth

Once I learned to just be with what comes, things that were labeled as “problems” are no longer problems. They are just situations, they are neutral. It really is about learning a new way of being. Awareness is key. Watching your thoughts, and then watching the progression of those thoughts. Most people with severe depression are stuck in an endless loop in their mind. I remember a time when I didn’t even recognize that. I had no idea how hard I was on myself. Becoming aware of my thoughts was the beginning of my healing journey. Once I became aware, I was able to begin the process of changing it. The more I was able to stay in the moment and watch my thoughts, the more “awake” I became. I began to see that most of the thoughts going through my head had nothing to do with the present moment. They were either about the past or about the future. Again, thinking about the past or the future is a distraction from how you feel in the moment. One very important detail, however, is that the more you become aware of each moment, you will start to see things about your life that need to be processed and released from your body. Things that happened in the past that you were not able to feel or process for various reasons. I needed help with this. I needed a therapist to help guide me along the path. Doing this does not mean living in the past or  staying out of the present moment. When things from our past affect our present, they need to be processed and released. Processing feelings that come up is very healthy, and each time you do this , you get closer to your truth. Staying in the moment is not always easy. It takes a lot of practice. Most of us have spent our whole lives doing everything except living in the moment. So, be very gentle on yourself as you learn this new way of being. Soon it will start to feel natural. You get as many do-overs as you need.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Meditation, Self hate | 1 Comment »

The world has been missing you; begin your journey to discovering the real you

Written by Amie on November 13, 2012 – 2:20 am -

you will start feeling better the minute you decide to start listening to your inner voice

It is exciting to hear about so many people waking up to discover who they really are. I love the thought of people waking up to realize their depression can be “fixed”. Believe me, I know how bad depression can feel, and I know how sometimes it feels as though you will never feel better and what is the point? I am here to say, “please hang in there, you will start feeling better the minute you decide to start listening to your inner voice”. We are living in an exciting time. Trust me, I know it doesn’t feel that way. It feels pretty chaotic right now. I describe it as the storm before the calm. I have been feeling heavy energy for a few months now. My belief is that we, as humans, are waking up at an accelerated speed. Depression is high, anxiety feels unbearable, and people seem to have temporary insanity! lol It is temporary, I do believe that. I have been a witness to several people waking up to realize that all they thought was true really isn’t. It is disheartening for them at first, then they may feel angry, and then they figure out a new way of “being”. And then they wonder why the heck didn’t anyone tell them about this whole other way of being? The answer to that is they weren’t ready until now.

you are depressed because you have buried yourself

Why am I talking about this? Because I want to reassure those who are suffering deeply right now that things will get better and easier. This is true if you are willing to look inside yourself and listen. This is true if you are willing to acknowledge those feelings that you think others may disagree with or may dislike. This is true if you decide that you deserve love, you deserve to be nurtured, and you deserve to express yourself exactly as you need to (assuming you are not intentionally hurting others, or physically hurting others!) I want to add that telling the truth to someone may cause them to blame you for “hurting them”. This is not what I mean  by intentionally hurting others. It is your right to express your truth. How another person responds to you is their truth. If you are willing to look at your life and be honest about the things that are bringing you down, you can begin to find the true soul that has been buried deep within you. You are depressed because you have buried yourself. Remember, it is perfectly understandable why you did this. You did it to protect yourself. At some point in your life, you came to the conclusion that you needed to protect yourself from being hurt by others. You have built in protection, and your body and mind knew exactly what to do so that you could cope with your life.

it is okay to feel angry

Depression is your soul’s way of screaming to you that it wants to be seen. And heard. It is tired of being beat up. You learned to beat yourself up for things that were out of your control. There are so many dysfunctional adults in our world, and they pass along messages of self-hate to their children. They really don’t do this intentionally. It happens because it is too painful for them to get help. It is okay to feel angry at the people in your life who conditioned you to believe there was something wrong with you. It isn’t always productive to express this to them, in my experience. If they have not grown emotionally, then it is mostly a waste of time and energy to tell them how you feel. So, in my experience, it is most helpful to work through these issues with a therapist or people who are also growing, and who see you and accept you and nurture you for who you are. You will truly be shocked at what you have been believing about yourself and those in your life. You will come to see that most of the thoughts in your head are just not true, and they came from other people. You will slowly begin to start questioning why you do everything you do, where your beliefs came from, and who your true self really is. Your depression will begin to fade as you begin to let your voice be heard. You will start to only allow those people in your life that truly support and encourage you to be your true self. You may discover how much you actually hate certain things you have been telling yourself you should love. Resentment will begin to be felt, and this is normal. You may be resentful that you  were conditioned to believe things that simply weren’t true.

discovering who you are is a process

Discovering your true self is an exciting process! It is the process children should be living as a normal rite of passage. Someday, this will be reality. But right now, at this point in the evolution of humans, this is where we are. We are waking up to see that we have been conditioned to hide so as to fit in or appear as though we have it all together.  Well, I say, give yourself permission to begin your process of discovering who you are. The world has been missing you! Start right now. Start by writing down some of the thoughts going through your head for ten minutes. Question them. If you think they are true, make yourself prove it. Pick one nice thing to say to yourself, and repeat it each time you say something negative. Repeat it, repeat it, and repeat it again, even when you don’t believe it. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you”, even if it doesn’t feel true and you feel goofy saying it. Do that as many times a day as you are willing, but do it at least once. Do one thing a day that feels nurturing to you. Take a walk, light a candle and sit in silence, watch a movie. Do something that feels good. Learn to meditate. There is no “right way”. Oprah had an interview with Deepak Chopra a week or so ago that teaches beginning meditation. And, guess what, you can start by sitting for one minute a day. It is easy to feel afraid to start something new. I understand this, especially when you are feeling really low. I get it, I promise you. But I also know that meditation changed my life. It can change yours too. And, it has nothing to do with religion, if that is an issue for you.

there is nothing wrong with you

So……I want you to know…there is nothing wrong with you…..and there is nothing wrong with you because you are suffering with depression right now……depression is just covering up the real you because you were conditioned to hide your truth. You true self is waiting to be re-discovered. Your true self is how you were born. I promise you…..you are loved….you are perfect exactly as you are…and your depression will begin to lift as soon as you being to look at your truth. Depression can be debilitating, I know from experience. I also know that I am more alive and more authentic than ever before in my life. I want to give you hope, because I *know* without one shred of doubt, that you can feel alive and happy and authentic too. Is it an easy road? Not always, I won’t lie to you. But is it worth it? HELL YES!!!!!

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, healing from depression, Help with depression, Meditation, Nurture yourself, Self hate | No Comments »
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