Our children come to us to help us heal

Written by Amie on May 19, 2014 – 3:01 am -

opportunities to grow and heal

The relationship between parent and child can be the most beautiful experience or the most painful. (And probably somewhere in between). It can be beautiful when we drop the notion that we can do no wrong because we are the parent. It can be beautiful when we allow the challenges in the relationship to show us the places in us which are not healed. It can be beautiful when we remember our children come to us in love and to help us heal. It is painful if we are unable to be vulnerable with them, to let them see our truth, let them see who we really are. Our children do not belong to us. It really is our job to become aware enough to see their “annoyances” or their actions as opportunities to grow and heal. It is not our job to break their spirit so they learn to conform to what we want them to be, nor is it our job to force our beliefs and/or our pain onto them. If we don’t face our own pain, and if we don’t come to understand how that pain has affected the relationships in our lives, then we are living from our place of pain. We react from this place of pain. We interact from this place of pain. We shield our hearts, which means we aren’t able to fully receive love. We go around covered in armor, protecting our hearts because we are afraid to appear weak, or afraid those we love will hurt us.

children come to teach us

Our children come to us to help us become who we really are, and to help us heal our past traumas. I believe children come to teach us, not for us to teach them. I believe children have so much to teach us, if we are willing to be vulnerable, if we are willing to put aside our ego, and put aside the thinking that, “we are the adult, we know more than children”, and the thinking that, “I am older and they should respect me”. I believe a person has to earn respect. If you give respect, you will receive respect. (another post in itself). So, why am I talking about this? Well, because I wish no matter how old we are, how old our children are, how old our parents are, that we can open to the idea of learning from each other no matter how long it takes to get to this decision. I wish adults could open their hearts, lay aside their old thinking, embrace their own emotional pain, and open their hearts to children, no matter what age they are. When a person gets stuck in the thinking that they are “weak” if they confront their emotional pain, then they are closed off to the opportunities to learn from those younger than they are. When a person is not confronting their emotional pain, there is no way to have a healthy, authentic relationship with a loved one.

motherandkids

spiritually and emotionally asleep 

When my kids were born I was spiritually and emotionally asleep so to speak. I was not in touch with who I was. There were hints here and there, but I began waking up after my babies were born, after I began bonding with them. I had never felt a connection as intense and as deep as the connections I had with my babies. It awoke something in me I had no idea was there. Feeling the bond with them triggered pain in me. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but it was there. When I say triggered, I mean that I had an emotional reaction when I was nurturing them. I soon realized that bringing babies into the world is the most powerful relationship there is. I believe kids come to us so that they can show us where our emotional pain is. They give us multiple opportunities to choose consciousness and awareness and presence. We can choose to look within ourselves to discover why we feel triggered, or we can become angry with our children and blame them for being difficult or demanding or whatever term we think fits.

look in the mirror

I believe no matter what age we are, it is possible to heal. It is possible to heal relationships no matter how long they have been in trouble. It is possible to wake up to discover the truth of who you really are. It is possible to put ego aside, take off the armor little by little, and have the courage to really look inside your heart to feel your emotional pain that has been buried. Each time you allow yourself to feel some of the pain, you become more awake, more conscious, more authentic. If you are struggling with relationships, especially those with family members, maybe it is time to look in the mirror to ask yourself, what am I needing to learn from this experience? Ask yourself, why is this situation so painful for me? Why am I so angry with this person? Why do I feel so emotionally charged when this person does something I don’t like? What pain are you living your life from? I just want to reassure you that being vulnerable with people who love you is one of the most beautiful experiences. Drop the stories you have told yourself about them and listen to what they say. It may or may not resonate with you. Either is ok. However, if your reaction is anger, this is a time to go beneath the anger to discover the true hurt that is hiding there.

 

Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Connection, Help with depression, Kids/teenagers and depression | 2 Comments »

Becoming aware of the truth of your inner voice

Written by Amie on September 2, 2013 – 4:48 pm -

“I made it to adulthood and I am fine”

I was meditating this morning and a very strong insight came to me about how we learn the message very early on to dim our light. We are all born shining radiantly and feeling very connected to divine energy (or whatever label you choose to give it). As a baby grows and gets older, she is given many messages that in a subtle way (but not always subtle) tell her she is shining too bright and she needs to tone down her brightness. (This is not always true, so I don’t want to sound as though I think this is true for every single person. There are some conscious adults who treat children respectfully) Based on my experience and my experiences with others, I feel so much truth in this. I want to start out by saying it is nobody’s fault that this happens. This is the way our society has been programmed and conditioned for quite some time now. Until each person is willing to take responsibility for their experience and heal their inner world, it continues to be passed from one generation to the next. It is not uncommon for people to say, “this way worked for me, I made it to adulthood and I am fine, I turned out okay, you have it better than I did, so something must be working”. This may be true to some degree, but my question is, “what is your baseline?” What criteria does one use for measuring and defining, “turned out okay”?

the agenda, or curriculum, is to make sure we *don’t* feel how powerful we really are!

Before I go off on that tangent, I want to stay with my meditation experience and the insight I gained. On some very deep level, I received the message that we, as humans ,were taught beginning many generations ago, that our power is scary. We were taught to hide the power that is in every single one of us. It seems we were taught to look away from our divine connection, to dim the light so as not to shine too brightly around other people. It seems the agenda or curriculum is to make sure we *don’t* feel how powerful we really are! I imagine how shiny and happy and full of light a new baby is. And for awhile this may continue. It seems to continue until the child starts pushing buttons (subconsciously)  that emotionally trigger the adults, parents, etc. This creates anger and/or fear in the adult. Rather than acknowledging this, the adult may “blame” the child for being “bad”, or wanting to “make things difficult for me”, or “he is just ornery”, or “she is too sensitive or too dramatic”, or he is “strong willed”. (and the list goes on! All ways of dimming the child’s light in hopes that the child will stop calling attention to the adult’s wounds). Not to mention in many cases, the child may be punished, creating more damage to the already dimmed light. All punishment (physical, mental, emotional, verbal) hurts the child, and dims their light.  

not experts at all

The beginning of the dimming is the moment a parent or caregiver decides to go against their own inner knowing and cling to the unhealthy messages they themselves were conditioned with. It is not unusual to hear a parent say something like, “I really wanted to hold my baby all day but the doctor said this is bad,” or “my parents said that would spoil the baby.” So, instead of listening to that inner knowing (that radiant inner voice we were all born with) some may go along with what “the expert” says, or with what the society has deemed “normal” and “healthy”, because this is how many people have been conditioned. Listen to everyone else around you and doubt or ignore your inner voice. One thing I try to remember is that most “experts” who claim to be experts may not really be experts at all.  They may be other wounded human beings who have not yet dealt with their own inner issues. This is another reason to listen to your own inner voice. Listen to what feels true to you. We can listen to other people, but the bottom line is that we need to gauge their information against our own inner voice to see what is best for us.

respond in the present time, rather than reacting from our own emotional wounding

This is one way the conditioned behavior of dimming one’s light is passed on to the next generation. The baby or child is crying (not always literally) for what they need, and the caregiver reacts to them from their own wounded self, rather than the inner light of knowing; the light they were taught to ignore. Emotionally wounded adults have to work very hard to be able to respond to others’ needs in a conscious way. It takes someone who is willing to be a work in progress to be able to respond in a healthy way. In order to meet the needs of a child or anyone really, we have to be willing to see them, hear them, and respond in the present time, rather than reacting from our own emotional wounding. As adults, the “crying” continues in ways that are unacceptable or in our world. The “crying out for help” is looked upon as weakness by other emotionally wounded adults. The “crying” is the adult who is always angry, who explodes in rage, who takes to drinking, eating, or shopping (many other outlets as well) excessively, or who submits to others in hopes of getting what they need. The adult who is crying to get their needs met by something other than the inner voice they no longer feel intimate with because they were taught to ignore it!

We have been so deeply conditioned

This happens generation after generation until people learn to trust their inner guidance and to trust that their own inner light is safe to follow. We have been so deeply conditioned. I do believe people are feeling this misalignment, but many aren’t sure how to change it. The pattern runs deep. Think about it, you were taught that your beautiful radiant self is too much for other people to handle, so you need to turn a part of yourself off. The moment you accept this message, you begin to lose who you really are. And the more you accept this message, the more you ignore your inner voice, and the more you change who you are to try to fit others’ definition of who you should be. Ignoring the inner voice that is the same voice of the divine energy in which you were created! Your lifeline! Your life force! We have been so conditioned to believe that others know better than we do about ourselves! We are being conditioned by other people who have also been wounded and are coming from a false sense of self! (assuming they haven’t done their own healing work) In this way, dysfunction is passed on from generation to generation until these false beliefs are questioned and healed. The theme seems to be, “this is the way we’ve always done it.” We accept this because our inner light is so dim (or sometimes almost extinguished), that we are unable to hear it. This light will never burn out, even when your physical body dies. But it can become very very dim. Your light will continue to send you messages no matter how dim it becomes. It will continue trying to get your attention, trying to wake you up from the conditioned belief that it is right to go against your inner light.  You may be unable to hear these little zaps of truth.

UNTIL YOU QUESTION EVERYTHING

This is the cause of depression. We dim our light so that others will be more comfortable and to keep our truth at bay. Keeping your truth at bay is hard work, and also taking responsibility for your truth is hard work. Self-hate becomes the standard because how can you love yourself if you are going against who you really are? How can you love yourself if you also feel you are failing what you have been taught is “normal”. We keep telling ourselves we shouldn’t be depressed, we shouldn’t be angry, we shouldn’t be disappointed, we shouldn’t be longing for something more, we should be independent, we shouldn’t crave connection. Even when we say we crave connection, do we act on it? Many people are afraid. I was one of those people, and still am at times for sure. They are afraid they will seem needy or clingy or others will think of them as weak. So our basic human nature of being vulnerable is masked at all costs. It is so common in our culture to apologize if we cry or become upset. As if we are bothering others by being human! Think about all of the conditioned behaviors in our culture. Most of them perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction. Think about the messages that are sent to the victims in our world. So many receive the message that it is their fault what happens to them and that they need to forgive and get over it. Is it surprising that so many people are depressed and unhappy and unfulfilled?We have been conditioned to believe that being human equals being an emotionless robot! Starting from a young age we hear, “you are fine, stop crying”, or “you just have to deal with it, it’s the way it is”, etc. etc. etc. This indoctrination continues on UNTIL YOU QUESTION EVERYTHING!!!!!!

be curious as to why it is “normal” to go against what you *know* 

Humans are naturally curious! Ask yourself questions, be curious as to why it is “normal” to go against what you *know* in your body. Ask yourself, “when did I start believing that someone else knows me better than I know myself or my child?” Ask yourself, “why is it normal for children to be taught to keep their opinions, thoughts, and feelings to themselves when it comes to emotional situations especially?” Why does it scare adults or make them uncomfortable when a child points out a truth about an adult? Why are children not being taught that there is a divine connection they are tethered to 24/7 that uses their inner voice to help them have a spectacular life!? (I am not talking about religious indoctrination). When did you agree to go along with the expert advice to stop listening to yourself and to stop listening to the children in your life? Why is it okay to treat those younger than you with disrespect? Why has it become okay to look at children as though they are a liability in our lives rather than the incredible teaching beings they truly are? Ask yourself, “when did I stop trusting my inner guidance? And when will I make the choice to want to feel better?”

Depression is repression of yourself, all experiences that were traumatic, including the traumatic experience of accepting the message that your true self should be turned off. (Please know I am in no way making abusive situations into a minor detail in depression, not at all) Depression means ignoring that inner voice that is telling you something is off, something is very off.

This has gotten really long, so I think I will continue later with ways to get your inner light shining bright again so that it radiates so strongly it can’t be missed. Big big love to all. Remember you are loved every second of your life no matter what. The big love is in that inner light right inside you, right now.  

Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Connection, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Kids/teenagers and depression, Mindful/respectful parenting, Self hate | No Comments »
RSS