An incredible process called Spiritual Friendship

Written by Amie on April 30, 2009 – 2:04 am -

I am heard

It is the greatest feeling knowing that I have been heard.I have recently learned a process called spiritual friendship. It is the most wonderful thing! I didn’t know what to expect when I went with a friend to learn this process. It was one of the best things I have ever done! The process is very simple, yet I am having a difficult time thinking of how to explain it. It starts with two people that trust each other. You can be good friends, or not, as long as you feel safe expressing your innermost thoughts to this person.

wpc30210-1My experience

I will explain the process the way that I experienced it, maybe that will make it easier for me. First, we had to be taught the process. Then, we decided when we would get together, usually once a week. We are still working on choosing a day and time that will be consistent. When we get together, we choose a place where there will not be any distractions, and where we both feel safe expressing ourselves. We take a few minutes to connect in with ourselves, and then we decide who will go first. Whoever goes first is the one doing the talking and sharing. The  other person is the one that just listens.

Talker and listener

The talker tells the listener what question to ask them. So, for example, I might be working on an issue that is about happiness. I would tell my partner to say to me, “tell me what happiness means to you”. I would then talk about whatever feels alive in me right then. The listener does not say anything, at all. The listener is there to do just that, strictly listen. She doesn’t nod her  head, she doesn’t agree/disagree, nor does she offer any advice/suggestions or anything else. She/he is there to witness your process of exploring whatever you need to explore at the time.

10 minutes each

So, the talker gets ten minutes, for which you set a timer, and then you switch roles. We did this twice, so each person gets 20 minutes total. I was nervous at first to be the only one talking. But after about two minutes, I was loving it!! It was so nice to know that someone was just there to listen to me! And, it was easier to talk and share when I knew there would be no feedback. Sometimes I just really need someone to listen without offering their insight or advice or opinion.  And, since the listener doesn’t  provide any feedback, you can be assured that they really hear you.

Being the listener

I will say that being the listener was more difficult than I thought it would be! It was hard to not say anything, or even smile or nod my head. However, the more we practice, the easier it is. It feels like a gift from my friend that she is sharing her inner process with me. It also feels like a practice that is teaching me how to be present with others. It is so much easier to be present when I’m not thinking about what we are going to say when the other person is finished talking! I remember in Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, he said, “Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or role, but as a field of conscious presence.” Spiritual friendship feels exactly like this to me. I am being a conscious presence for my friend.

Beyond physical form

This type of friendship is unique. It is not a time that we get together and have tea and chat about our day. We designate this special time to taking turns listening to each other. We thank each other for sharing and listening, and then we switch places. It allows me to really feel as though I am seen and heard. It is such a deeper connection than just friendship. We are really seeing each other beyond our physical forms. It is such a gift!

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Staying connected to myself

Written by Amie on April 25, 2009 – 2:15 am -

My Routine

I skipped doing my meditation two days in a row, and I could feel it all day! It reminded me of how disconnected I feel if I don’t take the time to check in with myself, and be still. It is amazing how much better I feel if I meditate first thing after I wake up. It is part of my routine now, except every once in awhile when I am in a hurry. Then I pay the price all day long. If I take the time each day to meditate, if is easier for me to stay connected to myself. I become more aware of the times when I am not present. 

540401_bwoman-meditating-on-beach-postersPath of Healing

There are times that I am not able to stay connected to myself. When I first started down this path of healing, I honestly had no idea that I was so unconscious! I believed that my thoughts were all true, they were me, they were real. I didn’t have the experience of connecting in with the real me. I was too busy in my head to know any different! Now that I know that I can take time to just quiet my mind, things are so different in my life. I feel more at peace with myself and with the world around me. I am able to stay in my little bubble of bliss most of the time. Of course, there are still times when I feel anxious or depressed. However, I have more confidence now that these feelings will pass. 

Different techniques

I would like to share my meditation routine in case you may be searching for one to try. I will start out by saying that I have tried many different “techniques”. The one I am doing now is the one that is working for me right now. I will change it if I feel it is not working for me at some point. Also, I have to say that there is no “right” way to meditate. Just sitting quietly with yourself and watching your thoughts is enough. I was afraid to start meditating at first, because I thought I would do it wrong. Finally, I tried, and it was difficult at first to stick with it. Now, I try to plan my day around it!

Healing Mantras

I use a book called Healing Mantras: using sound affirmations for personal power, creativity, and healing, by Thomas Ashley-Farrand. It is listed under “My Booklist”. Even though the word “affirmations” is used in the title, I really don’t feel like these  are affirmations like the ones that Louise Hay uses. This book teaches you how to use mantras that are said in Sanskrit. I thought they would be difficult to learn, and I was afraid to try it, but once I got the courage to try them, it felt so wonderful!! And, the best part is that they feel so healing. It is difficult to explain the feeling, but I just have to say that saying these mantras confirmed to me that I am part of something much bigger than myself. I never understood it when someone would say that to me, but now I understand. This feels like a spiritual connection to the energy that abounds around us.

il_430xn_60110365Mala Beads

Just in case I haven’t scared you off yet, I want to share that I also use Mala Beads while I meditate. There are a few different reasons why. First, I will say that I never thought I would be sitting in meditation, not to mention, sitting in meditation reciting mantras in Sanskrit using Mala beads! Just so you know that this was not something I knew anything about until just a few years ago. It is only within the last year that I began actually using this method.

Eat,Pray,Love

If you read the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, you may remember that she talked about these beads. This is my favorite book, by the way!! You might want to look them up, but they are used to recite the mantra. You hold each bead as you recite the mantra that you chose from the book, going through the whole strand of 108 beads. If you have trouble quieting your mind, it can be helpful to use the beads because you have something to “do” as you are sitting. Also, each time you use the beads, they retain the healing energy from your meditation. I really love my routine, and the best part is the connection I feel that lasts longer than just to the end of my meditation. The peace and calm I feel stay with me throughout the day. 

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I  wanted to share my routine in case it might help someone out there who is afraid to try meditation, or isn’t sure where to start. I encourage you to give it a try, even if it sounds strange, or different than what you are used to. It has been the one consistent tool that has helped me heal on this path that I am on. I started a thread on the forum if anyone is interested in talking more about meditation, or has a question. You can get to the forum at the top of the homepage in the upper right hand corner. You will need to register, but it only takes a minute. Also, feel free to e-mail me

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