Awareness of what we are now, not what we “will be”

Written by Amie on July 27, 2009 – 1:27 am -

The one thing that will make us okay

I am a book-oholic, and I consider it a good thing! I have grown so much since I started reading “self-help” type books. I have been thinking a lot about this type of book lately. I definitely think they are extremely helpful, but I also wonder if they keep us searching for that one thing that will finally make us “okay”, or “better”. I have decided that I want to read the books that help me to become more aware of my intrinsic goodness. I don’t want to feel as though I am striving to fix myself or to repair a “flaw” within me. I don’t believe that any of us are flawed, therefore we do not need to be fixed. We simply need to be reminded of the truth that lies within each and every one of us-what we are right now in this moment is exactly what we are supposed to be.

hugging-herself

Awareness of what we are, not what “we will be”

By continuing to search for something that will fix our “flaws”, we perpetuate the belief within us that something is wrong with us. I want to get the message out there that there is nothing wrong with us! We have just been conditioned to believe that something is wrong with is. The most helpful thing that we can do for ourselves, in my opinion, is to cultivate self-love. Once we love ourselves, we stop looking for that one magic thing that will finally fix us. There is not a magic thing to fix us, because there was nothing wrong with us in the first place!  Once we can surrender ourselves to who we are right now in this moment, peace will follow.

Depression makes you believe that something is terribly wrong with you

I believe that we are all born with everything we need in order to thrive in this physical world. When these messages get buried, we start searching for something that will match the picture of what we think we should be like, or what we deem perfect. With this mindset, we will never be happy because we are searching for something outside of ourselves that doesn’t exist. We are looking for something that is already right inside us. When I was feeling extremely depressed, I didn’t believe this for a second. I believed completely that I was flawed, and that something must be really wrong with me. Most of the time now, I am able to feel it in my body that I really am okay, and that I have everything I need right with me, always. I do understand what it is like not to be able to feel this.

A Process

The process that leads to rediscovering our truth must begin with self-love. We must remember the truth that we are born with. When we love ourselves, the truth is easy to believe. When we are able to turn off the stories that we are used to hearing in our heads that are not true, we make room for our true essence to shine through. I added a new step to my meditation process each day. I say positive things to myself at least 108 times (this is one time around on my beads). I tell myself that I love myself, that I am exactly how I am supposed to be, that I am perfect exactly how I am, and that I am loved. I figure that if my brain is capable of replaying the same old negative messages, it is certainly more than capable of replaying positive loving ones! I can honestly say that it is helping me to feel more love for myself. If I notice a negative thought, I just notice it, but then I also add a loving thought (or two, or a hundred!). The search for a fix to our flaws can stop here-you have what you need inside you. Your only job is to reawaken the truth that was buried. That is the Magic “fix”.

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What do I need in this moment?

Written by Amie on July 24, 2009 – 12:23 am -

Who has Needs?

The first time I really ever considered this question was about two years ago when I started doing some deep healing work. Prior to that, I had never even considered what I needed. I just continued to do what I thought I “should” be doing, or what I thought was “the right thing”. I am much more in tune with my needs now, but I still have to remind myself and ask myself, what do I need right now? It is amazing the answers that come to me now! I can remember a time when I would hear someone say that they needed to take some time to be alone, or they needed time to process feelings. I thought they were speaking a foreign language. I could not, for the life of me, figure out how they actually knew what they needed! I can remember my all too often response of, “I don’t care”, or “I don’t know” when someone would ask what I wanted to do, or what I like.

A Whole New World

It was like a whole new world opened up to me once I started acknowledging that I have needs. Acknowledging my needs,and actually trying to get them met are two very different things. This was a very difficult thing for me to practice. At first, I felt guilty even having needs! Then I felt selfish having needs. I finally allowed myself to believe that if I am human, I must have needs! This evolved into honoring the fact that we all have needs, and that mine should be honored as well!  It takes practice.  I still have to remind myself often, but I am at the point where I can voice what I need, knowing that I may or may not have the need met. It has been quite a process (that I am still working on!), to get to the point of voicing my needs. I expect everyone to have needs, but I never left room for ME to have needs. Wow, no wonder depression seeps into my life. Repressing needs is a huge depression magnet. It sends the message that we are not worthy or important enough to have our needs considered.

You Are Worthy

Process Evolving

My process has been evolving over the last few years. I can now open up a tiny bit of space before making a decision, or considering if I want to do something or participate in something, etc. I am able to stop, take a few breaths, and check in with myself. I ask myself if the situation feels good to me right then. When I listen to my gut instinct, my answer is obvious. When I try to consider what someone wants me to do, the water gets cloudy. So, I practice listening to that voice inside first. I will come to a conclusion, and then I can decide if I want to do something, say something, etc. There have been times when I will decide to do something even if I don’t want to. If, for example, I know that the person would be overly joyful, then I might choose to decide to do it for them as a gift. I am jsut so happy that I am to the point where I know that I always have a choice, and that I do have needs.

Honoring Ourselves

So many of us have been taught to be the “good little girl/boy”, or “be nice”. It is no wonder that we won’t take our own needs into consideration, or that our needs are so far buried that we have forgotten that we even have any needs. I have learned once again, that I can’t truly give anything to anybody if I am not also honoring myself.   Of course there are times when we need to step up to help others without considering ourselves first, this is not what I am talking about. I am talking about really honoring ourselves the same way we would honor others. Our needs deserve the same consideration as others.  I am still in shock that I didn’t even know I had needs beyond the basic food, sleep, etc. Wow, what a process this has been! I guess I will have to write another post about honoring ourselves enough to find ways to get at least some of our needs met!

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