Have you had your dose of silence today?

Written by Amie on August 27, 2009 – 2:32 am -

Walking & pondering

I was on my walk today, pondering again. Maybe I should call it a walking meditation? I was thinking about how we get caught up in our everyday routines and things that have to be done. There are things that need to be done each day like making food, cleaning up, driving kids around, going to work, etc. But, somewhere in there we need to take a few minutes to just be with ourselves. We need to take time to be in the silence. How many people really do this?  I remember before I started meditating, it was very difficult for me to allow myself to take a few minutes for just me. I also remember feeling really nervous to be alone with just me! I was afraid of the feelings that might come up, and that I wouldn’t know what to do with them.


I can do it!

I was finally able to start a meditation practice, telling myself it would be for just 5 minutes. How many feelings could possibly come up in 5 minutes? I could do it, I told myself. Well, it took some reminding and prodding to get to the point of doing it everyday. I started with 5 minutes and worked my way up. Being in silence doesn’t have to mean meditation, this is just what feels good to me. Journaling, or listening to soothing music is very healing and nurturing as well.  Once I realized how nice it felt to just be there with myself, I felt less afraid. Yes, sometimes strong feelings would come up, but mostly not. Most of the time, I would just feel total freedom and no pressures. I felt connection with the realm of silence.

Being with me is priority

Now that I know what I was missing, in terms of making sure I take time just to be with myself, it is a priority. I set the intention that I do one thing everyday just for me. Some days, I am able to do more than one thing, and that feels really good! But, I think by setting the intention and making sure I follow through, I am sending myself the message that I am worth it and I am important. These messages are an integral part of healing from depression. These messages are also the starting point for self-love. When I feel depressed, I am the last person on my list. I don’t even make an attempt to do things that nurture me when I am feeling depressed.

The message sinks in

Once I was able to just “be” with myself comfortably, I was able to step back and really see how important it is to make sure we do things for ourselves that feel nurturing. I have heard this message over and over, but it didn’t sink in until I was sitting alone just learning to be comfortable with me. I would go to the grocery store or go to a movie by myself thinking this was nurturing because I didn’t have anyone else with me. However, I soon realized that yes, this is nice sometimes,  and I really do enjoy going to movies, but it isn’t the same thing as being by myself in silence.

Giving ourselves a gift

Being alone in silence is a gift we can give ourselves every single day. We learn to be with ourselves in a loving way. Our self love grows the more time we give ourselves. Even when our lives feel chaotic, we can take a few minutes out to just sit and breathe. We can feel the breath that keeps us alive moving in and out all on it’s own. We can begin to honor ourselves for all we do, honor our bodies for keeping us healthy. We can accept what is true in our lives in the moment. We can feel grateful for being here. We can begin or continue the journey of self love. If depression is present in our lives right now, we can accept it as it is, and just let it flow through us. We can surrender to the feelings without resisting. We can feel our aliveness in silence. We can feel our connection to ALL when we are in the silence. Healing happens in the silence.


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It is OK to feel joyful and happy

Written by Amie on August 24, 2009 – 12:55 am -

Allowing Joy

I am sure that I have written about this in another post along the way, but I feel the need to write about it again, so I apologize if this feels too familiar! At times, it  has been difficult to allow myself to feel joyful and happy without having the attached guilt and sadness of the fact that there are many people who are suffering and unhappy. It has taken me quite awhile to get to the realization that we are not all in the same place in our healing  journey. Also, each one of our paths looks different. Some people are not ready to feel joy and happiness. That is okay. I can also see now that it is OK for me to feel joy whether or not others feel it or not. I have been holding myself back from realizing my own happiness, because I want others to feel the same happiness. I want it to be “fair”. I have learned that it is okay for me to feel joy and happiness, even if other people do not. I know that there is room in the world for every single one of us to feel happy and joy. We are all capable of this.

Expecting bad to happen

I noticed a pattern in myself when I am feeling good. I noticed that I wasn’t allowing myself to have the good feelings without also having feelings of fear and guilt. The fear comes from a place of thinking that something bad has to happen when I feel good. My thoughts were about expecting something bad to counteract the good. How can someone possibly feel this good, without something bad also happening? Somehow, I programmed myself to attach negative thoughts to my happy feelings. I am reminded of the expression of “when will the other shoe drop?” Somehow I taught myself to think that I can’t be “lucky” enough to be happy, without something bad happening. I am sure that this belief was used as a coping mechanism at some point.  In order to cope with the downfalls of life, I taught myself not to get “too comfortable”. I thought I was teaching myself to make sure I knew that things won’t always go my way. I am not sure when I started thinking this, but I’m pretty sure it has been a belief for quite some time.

The mind is so powerful!

I am able to see now how powerful the stories in our minds can be! I had myself convinced that you can’t be happy without also experiencing something bad. I was able to convince myself that this story was true. Well, now I can see my story, and see that it is not true. I am allowed to be happy and full of joy. This is a birthright for each of us. I know there will be unhappy events in my life, but it is not because I have allowed myself to be happy. It is because this is a normal part of life. I have learned that I will go with the flow, and I will allow myself to feel happy without feeling like the other shoe will drop soon. Using the law of attraction has helped me tremendously with this. I am able to focus on how I want my life to look, not on what could possibly go wrong. This has made a huge difference in my process as well.

The Power of Thought

Our birthright is Joy

As I have said before, I do believe that we are here to learn how to feel joy and happiness, and to perfect the “art of self-love.” I really do believe that it is the state we are meant to be in. Until we add all of the conditioned baggage to our lives, we are in a state of pure joy and happiness. Look at a newborn baby. They are in a state of pure bliss, unless there is a physical problem. I feel like I have peeled back one more layer of my conditioned baggage, so to speak. Another layer of awareness that my thoughts and beliefs are  not always true, nor are they always based on reason. I have another new belief to add to my new collection of TRUE beliefs. My new belief is, “I allow myself to feel joy and happiness, and it is safe.” That feels pretty darn good!


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Posted in Healing & personal growth, Nurture yourself, Self-love | No Comments »