Accepting or rejecting myself

Written by Amie on December 31, 2009 – 12:31 am -

I’ve known it for a million years!

Here I am two days in a row! I haven’t done that in quite awhile, but I try to write when I am feeling inspired, so here I am. When I am feeling inspired, so many realizations come to me. Even though others before me have already learned some of this stuff, it feels brand new to me when I “get it” and it just clicks like I have known it all for a million years. When I get that feeling, I am reassured that I am connected to all that is. We are all connected, and this deep feeling of inner knowing feels really good.

Accepting what is equals accepting who I am

So, back to my realization of today. I was meditating this morning and it hit me that I am a person who must always try to fix my emotions, or figure out what is going on. I think I wrote about this not too long ago, but again, I write when I feel inspired, so it is possible to repeat myself! LOL  It came to me in my meditation that I can let go of needing to have solutions, answers, etc. When I am able to let go of needing to know these things, I am accepting who I am *right* in this moment. I am not trying to fix things about myself so that I can to the point of being able to *finally* accept who I am. By this I mean if I can accept what is right now, then I am accepting who I am right now. When I try to fix what is or change it somehow, I am in essense rejecting myself and who I am. When I am able to be with what is, then I am also able to be with who I am.

Ms. Fix-it to the rescue

I can see now that by always feeling like something in me needs to be changed or needs to be different, I am saying to myself, “I don’t accept you, you are flawed, and you need to be fixed. I can never accept who you are unless you figure out why you have all of these flaws and figure out a way to fix all that is wrong with you.” So, yeah, I know where this leads. This leads to I will never accept myself. It’s just so interesting to me that when I can let my feelings just flow through me, and stay with them, I accept exactly who I am, and I really love her! When I am in my Ms. Fix-it mode, I completely reject myself. Slowly but surely the tool belt is coming off.

FEEL as you go

We are all exactly where we are supposed to be. I know, that does not feel true at times. But it makes it much easier to live when we can just accept where we are, *FEEL* as we go, let it flow through, and cry or move or write or do whatever we need to do to release the wave of emotion. When I remember that I am not my body, I am not my experiences, and I am not those negative stories going through my mind. The true me is pure love, as is the true you. We have been led to believe that we are our thoughts and experiences and beliefs. Not true. Those were just roadblocks trying to trick us into believing the negative. We are all perfect, exactly as we are, we are all worthy, we are all capable of healing and growing, and we are all here to feel joy and love for ourselves and each other. Say hello to the roadblocks, and then tell them so long.  They are just in the way and their job is over.

 

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What is important to me?

Written by Amie on December 30, 2009 – 1:06 am -

No labels of who I am

What is important to me? This question has been lurking in my mind for a week  or so. It sounds like such an easy question to answer, but for me it wasn’t. At the beginning of last year I did a one day workshop to focus on what I wanted for the upcoming year(more detail to follow on this). My statement for the year was, “May I trust my inner knowing to reveal my authentic self.” Last year around this time I was feeling frustrated with the fact that I was having trouble trusting that my inner self would reveal who I really am. I was having trouble answering that question. So, here it is a year later, and I do feel as though I have a much better idea of who I am. I think it will be  a life long process since we grow and change constantly, but I do feel as though I have a better idea of who I am. At least in this moment right now I do! It is exciting knowing I can change at any time. It is freeing knowing that I don’t have to have a label of who I am. However, at my core, I think I know who I am.

woman_pondering

What IS important to me?

I started thinking last week about what my focus for the coming year will be, which led me to the question of what is important. I want to continue growing and learning about myself. So, I began asking myself the question, “what IS important to me?” I was stumped for awhile. I had no answers at first. Then, slowly a few things came to me. The one that feels the strongest is to have the intent of always coming from a place of authenticity. Before I make any decisions or answer any questions, I want to stop and ask myself if this is coming from that place within me that is authentic. I want to match my inner world with my outer. This is the biggest trick of all though, isn’t it? I can meditate and feel so centered, walk out of the room and something snaps me out of my bubble of bliss. It takes work for me to stay centered. But it sure is easier to stay centered if I stay in the moment. Again, it takes work. When I can stay in the moment as an observer instead of a judge or a problem solver, being centered comes easier. Once I follow my judgments, the now went out the window.

“My inner knowing”

So, growing, authenticity and doing things that feed my “inner knowing” are all things that are important to me. My list is growing the more I keep this little mantra in my head. I have some that are always at the top of my list, such as my kids and husband and family. I am working on just focusing on what is important for my growth with this question. The who process of inner growth is still amazing to me when I really think about where I started. When I first started down this path, I never would have questioned what was important to me, I only knew to just stuff my truth in order to please others. Wow, have I come a long way. And that feels really good! Just stopping to ask myself one small question makes a huge difference in how I feel. A very powerful question.

 

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