Depression and the emotional body of a family

Written by Amie on February 26, 2011 – 11:43 pm -

Suicide and depression

Since my brother’s suicide almost 4 years ago, I have been trying to make sense of suicide and also how depression and other emotional issues play into it. I wish I could say I have come up with an answer, but I can’t. I do have some ideas and opinions, but who really knows? The one belief I do keep coming up with is that one or more family members carry the “emotional body/pain” for the whole family. I believe this pain is carried through the generations until family members decide to heal some of the emotional pain that has been repressed, avoided, denied, or otherwise “forgotten”. I believe some people are more sensitive to emotional vibrations than others, and this is why some are able to get through trauma, dysfunction, and emotional pain while others may not be able to handle it long term unless they learn tools that will help them release the deep emotional scars. It is very hard work when we begin releasing the pain, and healing emotional traumas and family pain that has been buried for many years. The majority of people don’t understand that some of their emotional pain is not even their own.

Verbalize the imbalance

Looking back through my own family, I see so much dysfunction. This used to make me feel angry, but now I am able to see it in a different light. I am able to see that as humans we are all evolving, and for the majority of us, avoiding emotions, needs, and feelings has been a part of our history for many years. As children, we learn how to act in ways that will get us the love we want. Most of the time, children sacrifice who they really are so they can be who the family needs them to be. There is really no way for a child to verbalize the imbalance they feel, unless they use “negative behaviors”. This habit of hiding who they are just sort of happens, unless the adults in their lives are emotionally healthy, or at least dealing with emotions as they come up. Learning to be someone other than who you are is the beginning of the road that leads to turning off your inner voice. When your inner voice is turned off, it is like being dead but appearing alive. We are going through the motions of being alive, but inside we are dead. Depression. Depression is being dead to your life. If you can’t be yourself and you can’t do what feels right to you, you are not living. The hope is that each generation will get healthier. This is not always the case, but it is the hope. I believe that even though it appears as though our world is getting worse and worse, there is good happening underneath this. So many people are awakening to the truth that if they want to be healthy, joyful, and happy, they must do their own healing work. This makes me feel really positive. It is imperative to start *feeling* the truth that is your inner voice.

Genetic depression

Quite frankly, I am tired of people saying that depression is genetic. I talked about this briefly in this post , but since it is weighing on my mind, I am bringing it up again. Right now, in this moment, “genetic depression” means (to me) being handed the family dysfunction and being expected to hold it so that nobody else in the family has to deal with their own true emotions and feelings. This is a very subtle thing, I don’t mean to make it sound like someone makes this decision and says, here, it’s your turn to deal with this so that my life will be easier. However, if you are the one holding the family insanity, it feels exactly like this. The term “carry on with business as usual”, feels really appropriate here. Family secrets, issues that have never been talked about, lessons taught about how to be someone other than who you are, abuse that gets repeated, behavior that is being emulated; all of these things are “genetic”. To me, THIS is what depression is made of when it begins.

Self hate begins

As a child, we are born *knowing* what we came here for. As we get older, most of us begin to hear, see, and *feel* messages that go against this knowing. When those around us begin telling us or showing us (either with physical actions or on an energetic level) that we are not here to be loved and feel joy, our sense of self begins to chip away. With the predominant behavior being dysfunction in this world, our own voice starts getting drowned out because the messages telling us we are not OK, we are not worthy, something is terribly wrong with us, and we shouldn’t have needs beyond the basic ones, start becoming much louder. This happens because many people are too afraid to do their own emotional work, so in turn they continue passing along this “genetic” issue.  It is scary to work on emotional issues, I will be the first to say this. But until each and every adult is able to look within themselves to see what untruths have been  passed down to them, and what needs to be healed, they will continue to pass on their dysfunction to the next generation.

Seek your truth

Imagine the confusion of a child when so much dysfunction gets thrown at them on a daily basis. Imagine the confusion when they can’t reconcile a loved one’s words or lack thereof with their accompanying actions. Imagine the confusion a child has when they *feel* something is wrong or is going on in their family, but nobody tells them what it is. Imagine the confusion when a child tries to articulate their sadness or they cry out for help only to be told that they are the one that has issues. Every human has issues that need to be dealt with. If we want to create a healthier, more loving world, we must seek our own truth, while learning to acknowledge and heal our emotional pain and that of our family.

Adults now

If you are an adult now, you can take responsibility for your emotions and issues. No matter what age you are, and no matter what your family history is, you can take responsibility. By this I mean, please begin finding ways to heal your emotional traumas and issues. This is the beginning of the path to self-love. We have to understand what we are, who we want to be, and what our family history of dysfunction really is. It is not your responsibility to heal other family members as that is not possible anyway. But you are 100% in control of what you want your life to look like. No matter what your background is, you are capable of healing and taking charge of your life. Awareness is key here. Once you become aware of what is really going on for you, you can create ways to change it. If you are still young enough to have to be in a dysfunctional family, you do have control over what you think about yourself. You control your thoughts once you are able to see what your thoughts are. I want to help young people create the life they want no matter how dysfunctional their family is. I want them to know that they feel unbalanced for a reason, but healing is completely possible. Feel free to contact me.


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Depression, Kids/teenagers and depression, Self-love | 3 Comments »

The role of thoughts in depression; deciphering the truth from the lies

Written by Amie on February 16, 2011 – 12:09 am -

Negative thoughts and depression

So many of my negative thoughts are so subtle that I sometimes have a difficult time even realizing I am having them. This gets confusing. I will suddenly feel really depressed without being able to link it to any certain thought. I am slowly learning to recognize what my mind does when I start feeling the dreaded feeling of darkness coming again. My mind distracts me. It doesn’t want me to feel. My brain has been conditioned to avoid feeling emotions. My mind does not want me to “be” in my body. So it distracts me by telling me  that I will never feel better, etc etc. Then, I buy into these thoughts by trying to figure out “why” I feel depressed etc. So, by getting me hooked into trying to figure out why I feel bad, I am taken away from really having to “feel” what is going on inside my body. I have been conditioned to think the worst. For example, “if” I am depressed again, that must mean I am going to be depressed for two weeks this time, and it has to mean that something made me feel bad, and that I really must figure out what it was. These are all distractions to keep me away from the real stuff.

Thoughts vs. feelings

My wonderful therapist helped me see that a thought is just a thought is just a thought. They are not true! I have said this a million times, right? Well, she finally helped me really tell the difference between a thought and a feeling. Seems easy, but I was really getting hooked into my thoughts, and believing them. This isn’t always true, only when I am in a dark place. When I am in a dark place, I believe every single one of my thoughts. She helped me see that I really need to be vigilant about naming my thoughts until it really happens automatically. And, I do believe it will begin to come naturally. I believe our brains can be changed. All other parts of our bodies can heal, why not the brain? So, here is a sample of a conversation that might happen in my head.

“I am really tired of dealing with depression.”

My usual response would be a tightness in my stomach, and a knowing that I will never feel better. Then, I would head down the path of trying to figure it all out!

My NEW WAY of dealing with this same thought is this:

“I am telling myself that I am really tired of dealing with depression; it’s just a thought.” Then, I would notice any feelings I am having in my physical body. For instance, “is my stomach feeling tight? Does it feel tense?” I would follow those feelings until I don’t come up with anything else. It is quite amazing how just adding these few words can make a huge difference! I was really able to see that it is just a thought! It is not the truth. And, if I say it this way, I am able to open myself up to really allowing the emotions to be felt in my body. And, it is so much easier to me to not follow the negative thought into the next usual step of trying to figure it all out.

It is what it is. If I allow myself to feel, then the energy can move through me. If I disallow the feelings by distracting myself away from them, then I feel stuck. And, stuck is not a good place to be when you are depressed because after stuck comes hopeless….not a great place to be.

Be vigilant

I intend to become very vigilant of my thoughts, and I intend to change the wording. It is amazing for me to think that I wasn’t born with all of these nonsensical thoughts. Why would a baby or child hate themselves? Doesn’t make sense. We all get conditioned by society and the people around us. The majority of people have no idea what they are feeling or that their thoughts are not true. When the thoughts go through our heads, it makes sense that we think they are true. But, they aren’t!!! I really do believe that one reason we become depressed is that we believe these negative thoughts, but our true self does not believe them. The divine presence within all of us knows that we are all perfect as we are and that joy and love are our birthright. When our thoughts and beliefs go against this truth, there is an inner fight going on. This does not feel good. We keep trying to believe the negative thoughts while the divine presence(insert the word you use) within us is trying to tell us differently. Depending on how ingrained our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves are, it can take awhile to wake up to the truth. So, here is your wake-up call- YOU ARE NOT YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS! YOU ARE LOVE AND JOY AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HEARD AND TO BE HAPPY!!!!!! YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO EXPRESS WHO YOU ARE. STAY AWAY FROM ANYONE WHO TRIES TO TELL YOU DIFFERENT. PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU, YOUR BIRTHRIGHT IS LOVE. START WITH LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF.

Enjoy this video again! I love it so much, and I highly recommend seeing a Michael Franti concert if you have the chance. His energy is incredible, and he is spreading love and hope! Hope this video makes you feel loved, and maybe it will make you feel like shaking your booty!!!


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Depression, Self-love | No Comments »