Emotional pain in other people

Written by Amie on October 25, 2014 – 2:08 am -

Compassion

When I feel other people in emotional pain, it is really hard for me. I am highly sensitive. I know this is one reason why being around others’ emotional pain can be difficult at times.  It can be hard work sometimes protecting myself from taking on their energy. The other reason is that I have so much compassion for others, especially those in emotional pain. It is not an easy journey being stuck in emotional hell. I’ve been there, many many times. Sometimes it is really hard because while I feel their pain, I also see ways for them to heal it. I know they can’t “hear me” unless they are ready. Many people are not ready to face their true emotional pain, especially if there is a lot of trauma involved or abuse was part of their background. So, even though I know I could share ways to help them, I also know I can’t unless they ask and they are truly ready.

I could see the pain on this person’s face

I met with someone today who I have been estranged from for close to three years now. It was one of those times when I was really hoping this person was ready to face some of their pain, so that our relationship could be restored.  I was wrong. This person only wanted to prove they were “right”. It was frustrating and heartbreaking all at the same time. I could see the pain on this person’s face, feel the pain in their energy. And, I could do nothing for them. If I were to “agree” to their “rightness”, I would be giving away a part of myself, and I can’t do that anymore. So I had to walk away, probably for good, from someone who has been in my life since my birth. (minus the last three years. )Very sad. This person isn’t willing to be vulnerable and to really face the pain of their past, and the pain of what happened. They say they have, but I don’t see it in their actions. The same behavior is present, so how can things be any different?

It is also FREEING

Honestly, I can’t even be angry because I truly understand emotional pain and being afraid to feel it. I remember a time when I didn’t even realize my depression had deep roots in my emotional pain. I just thought depression was a “state” of mind, something that happened to people who were flawed. No, nobody is flawed. Ever. People are wounded. Often. More often than not. It takes great strength and courage to really face emotional pain. It IS painful. It is also FREEING. When we feel, we heal.

Actions always speak way louder than words

So now I truly have to completely let go of any hope that this relationship will get healthy. I pretty much knew that already, but now it is 100% clear to me. This person is stuck in their emotional wounding, and it is blocking them from healing so that their relationships today can be healthy. It is very sad. I am sad. I have more grieving to do. I must also grieve for what could have been. Years ago, I would have just given a part of myself away and gone back to the way things were. I love myself so much now that I won’t do it. I practice self care, which means setting healthy boundaries. This is healthy and not easy. It isn’t always easy because those who are stuck in their ways will tell you how wrong you are and that you aren’t listening to them, etc etc. And I say, “actions always speak way louder than words.” Being vulnerable is not easy. Feeling your pain is not easy. But it is SO worth it!

 

Here is a good video that talks about “the pain body” (accumulated emotional pain and trauma)

 

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