Finding the special power within

Written by Amie on June 15, 2009 – 10:23 pm -

We are all meant to shine

This quote by Marianne Williamson really didn’t make sense to me the first time I read it. I skimmed it, and went on about my business. Then, a year later I ran across it again, and it really hit me how right she is!  The quote is, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?  Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

How do we find that place?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. How do we find out who we really are? How do we find that special place within us? I have been working on this in myself for quite awhile now. I have felt my true power at times, especially during meditation. I am working on being able to carry that feeling over into the everyday happenings of my life. I started the process of discovering my truth, by first examining the voices of judgment that go through my head. They were so loud that I couldn’t hear my voice of truth. They were too busy beating me up, telling me how I really shouldn’t do things that might make others notice me. I shouldn’t do things that I might be wrong, or that I might fail. That damn voice that conditioned me to believe things that just simply were not true.  Once I was able to quiet those voices a bit  by becoming aware of how often they judge me, I was able to really concentrate on finding what makes me feel alive.

What makes you come alive?

I truly believe that the way to find our truth is to discover what makes us feel alive. So many of us have deadened our truth in order to just survive the day to day stuff. I thought I was living my life being who I was supposed to be. Honestly, I never really thought this exact thought. It was more like, I just assumed that the way I felt was normal, everyone must feel this way. Soon I realized how untrue that was! I realized that I had quieted my true voice because my true voice was not the one that people wanted to hear. If our true voice makes people question their own life, it makes them uncomfortable. Therefore, a lot of us hear the message that something must be wrong with us, or that we are wrong to show who we truly are. So, we learn to dim our light. By dimming our light, our aliveness gets dimmed as well. For many of us, depression goes along with dimming our truth. I suffered many years through depression (and still do at times) until I came to the realization that I had to find another way to live. The way I was going about it wasn’t working so well. In order to find our truth, we must grow emotionally. This means that we must face the pains and the things that feel huge and scary. It is not easy work. But, it liberates us!  When I turned on the switch that started my healing process, I took back a part of my power. As I grow, and discover things about myself, I take back more and more of my power. I now know with all of my heart that each of us has a place of power within. We all have a part of the whole within us. In this place is the gift of who we truly are.

Going through the dark to get to the light

Sometimes the only way to get to our true light is to go through the dark. I finally got to the point where I can say that I am grateful for all of the darkness that I have gone through. I don’t think I would have learned to question everything if I wasn’t feeling so miserable. I don’t think that I would have discovered that place within me that also resides in you. We all have the power to be happy and joyful. Believe me when I say there was a time (a very long painful time), when I did not believe this for one minute. I thought I would be suffering for the rest of my life. I no longer believe that.

Relationship with myself

I want to add this video in here, because it inspires me to learn to trust myself. I compare the rider’s relationship to her horse to my relationship with myself. I want to be able to trust that I am exactly where I am supposed to be on this healing journey. I trust that I can listen to the true voice inside me even if I am afraid to fall.

Ready to embrace my true power

I am now in a place that I am able to embrace my true power. I still have times of feeling despair. I am able to step back  a bit more now to see that it is okay to feel this way. Feeling despair helps me to see how far I have come, and how much closer I am to holding on to that feeling of knowing my true self. I know that I am powerful, I am compassionate, I am loving, I am joyful, I am passionate, and I am full of life. I also know that I take full responsibility for those parts of me. I am ready to embrace my truth!

A side note

I just want to mention again that I understand how difficult depression is. I know that it isn’t something that just “passes”, or that you can get over by just deciding it. It is something that can be debilitating, and can be a long road of healing. Please feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it further, or please feel free to start a forum discussion. I  want to let you know, that if you  are suffering, I understand. That is the reason I started this website. I hope that by sharing my experience, it might help someone else find peace.

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