Everyone has their own journey

Written by Amie on May 1, 2009 – 1:28 am -

Acceptance

I think one of the most difficult things I have had to accept is that we all have our own journey to deal with. It has taken me years to grow away from being someone that feels responsible for other’s experiences. I always thought that if someone talked to me about a problem they were having or an issue that they weren’t sure how to handle, that somehow, *I* needed to fix it. I would get extremely anxious if I didn’t know what to do to help them. Somehow I internalized  that I was responsible for making others happy. The people that I thought I needed to help didn’t even ask me for my help! I just felt their burden, and thought I needed to do something to help. 

Becomes a habit

This became such a habit, that I lost myself in it. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders because I thought I needed to help everyone. Well, fast forward a few years, and I know now that I could never have made it much longer living that way. It was causing depression,anxiety, anger, guilt, you name it! I think some of us have the personality that is so sensitive to other’s emotions. It is difficult for us to know where the person “in need” ends, and we begin. 

Others feeling the same way

I wanted to write this because I know there are so many people out there who feel responsible for other people’s emotions, experiences, etc. I had to learn to let go of this enormous responsibility. I am responsible for myself only. Of course, I am responsible for my kids health and safety too, but I am not responsible for their journey either. They came in to this world with their own journey to follow. I am here to support them and love them, but I am not here to alter their choices even if I think their decision is not the right one. I don’t mean getting drunk when they are 11, or something like that, so don’t worry!

Someone suffering

I have to tell you what a relief it is to know that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life. Even if they are having a horrible time, or have had really bad luck, I can love them and support them, but I can’t always make it better for them. Before I learned this, I remember so many times feeling as though I had to do *something* to make them feel happy. If someone was suffering, I really thought I had to do something to make it better for them, even if it meant I suffered because of it.

We all have our own unique journey in this world. I think we all want what is best for our friends and family. It is difficult to see someone you love hurting. But I know from experience with my own “stuff”, that if someone tries to make my feelings go away, they come back stronger at a later date. I don’t want to do that. Even very difficult times help us grow. There is always something to learn when we have hard times. 

Connection

Since we are all connected on some level, we can help others just by sending them healing light and love. We don’t have to *do* anything else. We can send them support without having to get emotionally involved. When I meditate, I send healing light to everyone that I feel needs it from me. This has helped me lift the burden on myself of feeling responsible for everyone and everything.

A book that I have found very helpful is called The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, Self-love | 1 Comment »

One Comment to “Everyone has their own journey”

  1. Ian Says:

    “Be the lighthouse, not the rescue boat.”

    I went through similar experiences. It took a few bad encounters with people who didn’t want my help for me to finally realise that only the person you are trying to help can actually solve their own problems anyway and they can do nothing until they acknowledge them. Any attempt to help before the problem is acknowledged will likely lead to resistance on their part or worse (e.g. taking offence!).

    Of course, this does not mean you should focus on getting people to acknowledge their problems either. Lack of acknowledgement is a problem in itself so you’ve not got anywhere by using that approach! The only thing you can do is listen to that person until either they realise the problem exists for themself or you realise that you were mistaken. Listening is therefore the optimum strategy regardless of what the real situation is.

    I think this sudden epiphany that I had to become a better listener is what set me on a completely new life path, which I am very happy I found. So all my own pain through being rejected when I only wanted to help was indeed worth it!

    Another thing to think about is that we can only grow through being challenged. So, by offering help to people when they haven’t asked for it, you are potentially denying them the opportunity to grow.

    I think this is why being the lighthouse is the key. Focus on shining your own light and people will come to you when they need your help. But there’s nothing to stop you being a mobile lighthouse, that talks to others and listens. Hmm, THE LISTENING LIGHTHOUSE sounds like the title of a film or a book, doesn’t it? Well, it’s surely memorable, and I am hoping I remember it too by making this post right here right now.

    Best wishes,
    Ian

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