Defining ourselves

Written by Amie on July 1, 2009 – 1:56 am -

So big for your age

My son decided that he would like to experience being in a commercial. So, after a few months of waiting and auditioning,he got a small part in a commercial. It was an all day event that left me plenty of time to chat with the other parents that were there with their kids. There was one Dad there that really got me thinking. He proceeded to tell me over and over again how his son was so big for his age, that nobody can believe that he is only 10, that he has such wide shoulders, he is so big…etc etc etc.  The gist of it was that he is so big for his age. It made me start thinking about how we define ourselves. I am guessing that this boy will start defining himself as being big, being bigger than other boys his age, etc. I define myself as a wife, a mother, a creative person. But, does this lock us into a certain place that is difficult to get out of?  Do we get complacent because our definition of ourselves feels familiar? I know that there have been times when  I feel pure joy and happiness, but there is a little voice in my head that whispers, “but you suffer from depression.” So, I have to tell myself that it is okay to be happy, I am allowed to change. I don’t have to be defined by the fact that I have suffered with depression. It is okay for me to believe that I am healing from depression. In fact, I am happy more often than I am depressed now. That is a huge difference for me. But I catch myself going back to the familiar definition of myself, and that is, “I am prone to depression”.

Fairy princess or a pirate?


How do we change this? For me, it means frequent reminders to myself that I am someone who is allowed to be one thing one day, and something completely different the next, if that is what I choose. I give myself permission to change at the drop of a hat! I am free to be whoever I decide to be. It is similar to kids playing dress up. One day they want to be a fairy princess, the next they turn into a scary pirate. I have decided to allow myself the freedom to change my mind, and to change any past definition of myself. Just because I was the easy going (more like the caretaker) one when I was younger, does not mean I feel like being that now! Yes, it might shake up people that are used to me being a certain way, but so be it. If I am not happy in my own skin being who I decide I want to be, then what kind of relationship can I have with someone anyway? Not a very honest one, that’s for sure!

Freedom to define ourselves


We all have the freedom to re-define ourselves every minute if we want to. This is how we find out what makes our heart sing, what makes us feel alive. It is okay to shed any definition of yourself that no longer fits.  Most of us have definitions that may never have  fit us. Someone else gave us a label, and we tried to live up to it.  I know that I will not be anything but who I really am. If I allow someone to give me a label, then I am not being true to myself. I am spending energy trying to live up to their expectation. The truth is that we don’t really need labels. It is too easy to get stuck inside the box when we label ourselves and each other. How many times have you  met someone for the first time, and you already have an idea of what you think they are like because someone else gave you their definition of that person? Then, you meet them and they are nothing like what you thought they would be?  I hope that we can all give ourselves the freedom to just be who we are-speak from the heart, and live our truth. Drop the definitions and labels, and just BE you.


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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, Nurture yourself, Self-love | No Comments »

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