Core Wounds

Written by Amie on July 8, 2009 – 4:49 pm -

Overwhelmed with Emotion

I haven’t written for awhile, because I have been overwhelmed with emotion for the past week. I was out at a restaurant last week where there was a young child who was maybe 3 yrs old screaming at a table nearby. She started off crying, and then it escalated into a distraught screaming. This was disturbing to me on many levels. First of all, the parents were not acting as though they needed to do anything to help her. They took her out of the restaurant once, but when they returned, she was still crying. It took them 20 minutes, and the manager coming to their table before they decided that something needed to be done. Come to find out, she had hit her head. The cry was clearly saying that she needed help. Number two, as I looked around, I saw faces of irritation and annoyance more than I saw any faces of concern. I’m wondering how the reaction would have been different if the person crying had been an adult.

cryinggirl

Sad but true

Yes, sadly, this happens all the time in public places. Upset children, with adults doing everything they can to avoid the embarrassment of other people judging them. At the expense of the child’s well-being.  This time it affected me in a different way, it really struck me in a place of  deep sadness. There was a comment made about this child being “too old to act that way”, and insinuation that she was not really crying, she was being manipulative. This really is the part that I couldn’t just let go. I felt so many emotions flowing through me. Anger was running rampant through my body, with sadness and disappointment right behind. I was also in shock to hear this type of comment. A young child needing help from adults, and being ignored and thought to be manipulating! Even if she was crying to get attention, she STILL needed something.  She clearly needed help!

Children are taught to be seen and not heard

In my fury of outrage I wondered to myself if we are supposed to stop showing emotions sometime before the age of three? Is this the age when we should button up and start repressing our emotions? I still feel so emotionally vulnerable on this subject, that I don’t think I can even write coherently everything I would like to right now. All I know is that it hit a core wound of mine, and I am having a hard time understanding the emotion flooding through me. I know that my depression comes from me shutting myself completely down very early on, and this is what I imagined happening to this young child. When we are fighting to be someone we’re not, we lose the connection to our soul. Part of us dies, and we forget who we really are. I have been working on uncovering my true self for a few years now. I was shocked to find out that my depression was so linked with repressing what makes me feel alive.  I am grateful everyday to my children. I started “waking up” after they were born.

Stuck in sadness

Today when I was meditating, I heard a strong message that if I do not take some sort of action, I will stay stuck in my sadness. This has always been difficult for me! Today I decided that I would restate my intentions of what I need in order to bring joy back to my life. I set up intentions about what steps I need to take in order to bring awareness and consciousness to the world concerning the treatment of children. I am very passionate about this and realize that part of my soul purpose is to bring this awareness. I want to be an advocate for children, and I want to empower parents to go against the grain and try a new way of being with children.

More on this later……I will add more later…..still sorting through some stuff……

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Posted in Connection, Depression, Mindful/respectful parenting, Self-love | 1 Comment »

One Comment to “Core Wounds”

  1. bmpotts Says:

    I had a similar experience that has haunted me for days. I was at a department store last week and there was a boy who looked to be about 3 he was screaming and as we approached from down a very long isle way I saw his mother bending over him. She was verbally, psychologically torturing him, angrily asking him questions that had no answer and then demanding an answer. (That is the only way I can describe it.) and all the while she kept glancing up at me as if to say “you see how I am disciplining my child?” She was standing in front of the check out. I said to the lady behind the register what is the point in engaging in a battle with a hysterical child? She said that it had been going on for at least 15 min. Then she said “but I have seen much worse.” I thought “I would be fired if I worked here”. I turned around and the woman had the child in the cart and left. I looked at my husband who seemed oblivious to the entire scene and I felt completely alone in my empathy. It is still with me. I am ashamed that I did not stand up for this child. I understand your feeling of child advocacy. I share the same thoughts. I have looked into Foster care but my DH is not interested. I may look into CASA next. I wish you well in your journey.

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