What do I need in this moment?

Written by Amie on July 24, 2009 – 12:23 am -

Who has Needs?

The first time I really ever considered this question was about two years ago when I started doing some deep healing work. Prior to that, I had never even considered what I needed. I just continued to do what I thought I “should” be doing, or what I thought was “the right thing”. I am much more in tune with my needs now, but I still have to remind myself and ask myself, what do I need right now? It is amazing the answers that come to me now! I can remember a time when I would hear someone say that they needed to take some time to be alone, or they needed time to process feelings. I thought they were speaking a foreign language. I could not, for the life of me, figure out how they actually knew what they needed! I can remember my all too often response of, “I don’t care”, or “I don’t know” when someone would ask what I wanted to do, or what I like.

A Whole New World

It was like a whole new world opened up to me once I started acknowledging that I have needs. Acknowledging my needs,and actually trying to get them met are two very different things. This was a very difficult thing for me to practice. At first, I felt guilty even having needs! Then I felt selfish having needs. I finally allowed myself to believe that if I am human, I must have needs! This evolved into honoring the fact that we all have needs, and that mine should be honored as well!  It takes practice.  I still have to remind myself often, but I am at the point where I can voice what I need, knowing that I may or may not have the need met. It has been quite a process (that I am still working on!), to get to the point of voicing my needs. I expect everyone to have needs, but I never left room for ME to have needs. Wow, no wonder depression seeps into my life. Repressing needs is a huge depression magnet. It sends the message that we are not worthy or important enough to have our needs considered.

You Are Worthy

Process Evolving

My process has been evolving over the last few years. I can now open up a tiny bit of space before making a decision, or considering if I want to do something or participate in something, etc. I am able to stop, take a few breaths, and check in with myself. I ask myself if the situation feels good to me right then. When I listen to my gut instinct, my answer is obvious. When I try to consider what someone wants me to do, the water gets cloudy. So, I practice listening to that voice inside first. I will come to a conclusion, and then I can decide if I want to do something, say something, etc. There have been times when I will decide to do something even if I don’t want to. If, for example, I know that the person would be overly joyful, then I might choose to decide to do it for them as a gift. I am jsut so happy that I am to the point where I know that I always have a choice, and that I do have needs.

Honoring Ourselves

So many of us have been taught to be the “good little girl/boy”, or “be nice”. It is no wonder that we won’t take our own needs into consideration, or that our needs are so far buried that we have forgotten that we even have any needs. I have learned once again, that I can’t truly give anything to anybody if I am not also honoring myself.   Of course there are times when we need to step up to help others without considering ourselves first, this is not what I am talking about. I am talking about really honoring ourselves the same way we would honor others. Our needs deserve the same consideration as others.  I am still in shock that I didn’t even know I had needs beyond the basic food, sleep, etc. Wow, what a process this has been! I guess I will have to write another post about honoring ourselves enough to find ways to get at least some of our needs met!


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