The added commentary

Written by Amie on October 12, 2009 – 12:41 am -

You had me going!

When I am present, I am able to laugh about the many times my mind tries to tell me stories about the experiences that are happening in my life. If I have more than one or two things that I absolutely have to get done within a few hours, the stories begin…..”Oh my gosh, I will never get all of this done…..I hate days like this…..I feel like I am running all over the place…..why can’t someone else do this”……then I catch myself and laugh. I say to myself, “wow, you really had me going there for a few minutes, I almost fell into the victim role again….a victim to…? oh, that would be to myself! Then, I calmly remind myself of the facts…..”I always have a choice (very important reminder), I can finish these things easily, at 4:00 these things will be behind me, I can make this enjoyable if I change my perspective!” And, usually, within a few minutes I have shifted my mood. There are a few ways of looking at this, but I will share my experience because it is what I know for sure.

All about needs

When I was in this mode I am now able to see without a doubt that it was all about needs. When I felt overwhelmed and like a victim, it was because I was not getting my needs met. My stories would set up the tone of “oh poor me”, and then I would be convinced that my world was falling apart around me. The voices that were telling me stories were also telling me, “don’t bother trying to get your needs met, you will never get them met.” Once we learn that our needs will not be met, we get in the habit even as adults, not to bother asking. Therefore, we unconsciously put ourselves in the role of the victim, hoping someone will notice and then maybe we will get our needs met. This is a passive aggressive way of trying to get our needs met, and may be the only way we have known to try to get our needs met.  It took me a long time to really see this pattern in myself. I am able to see how this pattern was set early on however, and this made a big difference in my healing.  Once I could see what I was doing, it helped me to become more present and aware of the patterns so that I could change them. Identifying our patterns is so helpful in the process of healing.

Healing from depression

When needs are not being met, it is understandable as to why we act the way we do. All humans have needs. It is essential when healing from depression to get in touch with your needs. This is something I still work on because I had no idea how to name my needs. Most of us haven’t learned how to get our needs met. Instead, we make up stories as to why we feel certain ways. We make up stories about why “I have so much to do”, and “I always have to do everything”. A lot of our stress comes from the stories we tell ourselves about our situation. When I first started learning about needs and learning about how to express them, I had no idea that my stories were really the expression of unmet needs.

Stay present with myself

Things feel so much easier when I stay present with myself, and check in with myself many times per day. I check in with myself to make sure there are no stories taking me over like an alien! It takes awhile for the habit of listening to the stories to die down, but it does as long as you are present and aware. When I check in with myself, and the stories are running rampant, I simply ask myself, “what do I need?” I may not always get a quick, clear, answer, but just stopping to ask the question beings me into awareness. It allows me to consider what it is I am needing. Many times I just need understanding. I need someone to hear me and just validate what they hear me saying. Amazing how simple this sounds, but yet most of us have no experience with it. I learned about it when my kids were younger and I have been practicing it for years now. However, it still doesn’t always come easy. But, at least, I am aware of what is going on in my noggin now, so I can call it on the carpet, so to speak!



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