Recovering a missing link

Written by Amie on November 12, 2009 – 2:06 am -

Someone there to just BE with me

How many of us really feel nurtured, I wonder? There are things like taking time to ourselves and doing things that feel good to us, but when it comes right down to it, is there a way for you to feel nurtured when you need it? By this I mean, is there someone who will just hold you in their arms and be present for you? Is there someone who will not give any advice (unless you want it), but just simply BE there for you? How often does that happen?I realize maybe adults don’t need this everyday, but really, isn’t there a deep sense of connection and intimacy missing in general?  I am excluding partners/husbands/wives in this, because hopefully these relationships do have this connection for most people. I am thinking of women having deep, strong, connecting relationships and men having deep, vulnerable, connecting relationships?

freehug

Being vulnerable

In my last post, I mentioned a time when my therapist held me while I sobbed. That was almost 3 years ago when my brother died. It is etched in my brain as being a very nurturing, deep connecting experience. I was at my therapist’s again last night, and I hadn’t been there in about a month. Anyway, I was catching her up on my life, when suddenly I came upon a deep sadness and grief in my body. While trying to explain what was going on for me, I told her that I thought it was sad that I am 44 years old and I don’t have too many memories of really feeling nurtured. I definitely have some, like my friends being with me on my brother’s birthday(the first one after he died). I don’t want this to sound like I am sitting around feeling sorry for myself, that’s not it at all. My therapist offered to sit with me last night and let me cry on her shoulder. It was exactly what I needed. My body relaxed, and I cried until there were no more tears. I was just surprised to notice how much it felt like an instinctual need, but yet I never would have thought to ask her to sit with me and hold me while I cried.  I wonder how many times people are blocking or ignoring this deep need?

Don’t touch, get out of my personal space

So, this is where my pondering comes in! I was thinking about how so many people have so much going on, and how so many people have been taught to ignore or feel guilty about their needs and wants. It is part of being human to need and crave connection with people who love us and who we love. We have been taught to just keep going, keep moving, don’t stop because there is so much to do. The human element has been eliminated out of so many interactions with each other. Kids are taught that they shouldn’t touch each other(in a healthy way I mean), we are taught that everyone has their “personal space”. Sure, we do need our personal space, but to what extreme?  Many people learn to go against what their instincts are telling them, and ignore the fact that they need healthy contact with loved ones. There are so many mixed messages sent about what is appropriate, or what is a healthy boundary etc. I guess I am just feeling sad that it feels like we are missing such a huge part of connection and intimacy with one another. It is not surprising to me that depression is so rampant in the world. We are missing the vulnerable, connecting, loving parts of our humanity.

Being present for others

I look at the relationship I have with my kids, and it is so easy for me to BE there for them and with them. I make it a priority to be present with them. Of course I don’t always succeed, but I sure set the intention everyday. I wonder why we make it such a priority to be this for our children, but we block the need in ourselves. Being present for one another includes being there to comfort and nurture each other. It is such a gift to someone when we are able to be there and wrap them up in a comforting loving hug with no strings attached. To just be there for them because they need it and you have it to offer. This can be a very difficult thing for some people to ask for. I know it is not something I am able to ask for most of the time, but boy if someone close to me offers it when I need it, I fall easily into their presence. Being present means to really “be there”, emotionally and physically if that is what is needed. There are so many layers to us, and to me it seems like so many of our layers have been shut down for so long. I just keep picturing a big circle of women singing, hugging, laughing, crying, and just BEing together, for each other. I picture a group of men being able to cry with each other, hug one another, be vulnerable without worrying about what other men think of them, and asking for help from others when they need it. We are all vulnerable, and the way our world is set up right now discourages us from just BEing, just BEing human with and for each other. I am setting an intention to be more present with others, and maybe even offering my physical nurturing if it seems someone needs it. Most importantly, I want to be able to be a conscious presence for others, and I want to be ok with their emotional pain. If they cry when I hold them, I want to be there to just be a conscious loving presence for them. I hope I am also able to ask someone to just BE with me when I need it.

One Hug At A Time

I think we can change the world starting with one present, loving, nurturing hug at a time. Let’s be vulnerable and not worry about what someone “might” think about it. ((((((((((((Hugs to ALL!!!! ))))))))))))

Video

Beautiful song, Landslide sung by beautiful chidren!

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