“I’m fine”, really?

Written by Amie on November 21, 2008 – 2:14 am -

When asked how I am, my first response is “I’m fine”, even when I may be having a bad day. I want to be more conscious when answering this question, even if I don’t give a long winded response. I just want to be able to take even 30 seconds before I answer to check in with myself to see how I really am. For me, this takes practice. I was raised to think that I should always be ok, not stir anything up. This caused many of the repressed feelings I had to heal. So, I think by practicing this little check in with myself, I become more aware of what is really going on inside me.

Depending on who the person is that asked, I may or may not choose to tell them how I really am. I may just file it away until I am able to express it to someone that is a conscious listener, or maybe I will choose to meditate and really think about what is “alive” in me, as Eckhart Tolle would say. I love how he suggests picking a body part to focus on and go inward to ask yourself to feel the aliveness in you right then. This is one tool that my wonderful therapist has taught me as well.  She has taught me to ask myself  what is alive in my body when I am feeling depressed. This tool makes it so much easier to get in touch with what is really happening. Also, in addition, this has taught me that it really doesn’t always matter exactly “what” is causing me to feel anxious, or depressed. I don’t need to figure out the “reason” why I am feeling a certain way. This was a struggle for me. I always thought I had to know why I was feeling a certain way. This made it very easy for me to distract myself enough that I could really never get to that awareness of what body sensations I was really having. Once I really got it that the reason wasn’t always important, I was able to start the healing process. I started focusing more on the sensations that my body was having. It is easy to run away from the feelings, instead of run towards them. One way to look at it is to make friends with those feelings, just hang out with them. Feelings are all about energy, they are waves of energy moving through. So, if we let them, they will come in and stay for awhile, hang out, and then exit. If we try to shut the door in their faces by holding our breath and shoving them away, they will bring their friends with them next time!

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