Unexpected Lesson

Written by Amie on December 15, 2008 – 12:33 am -

I signed up for a meditation retreat a few weeks ago. I was really looking forward to attending. It was on a Saturday and a Sunday, taking up most of both days. I arrived Saturday morning, excited about what I would learn. We all sat down to get started. The plan was to listen for a few hours, and then take a break to share lunch together. One hour passed and I started feeling fidgety. The second hour passed, and I was getting pretty bored. The retreat was nothing like I had expected. I thought I would feel invigorated. When the instructor announced that we would be breaking for lunch, I felt relief on one hand, but dread on the other. I knew that after lunch, it would resume for three or more hours.

I stood up, stretched, and started getting things together for lunch. I kept saying to myself that I wished I could just leave. I tried to tell myself that I should stay-all of those reasons that go through your head. I paid money, I should stay, I should finish what I start, etc etc! Then, an idea came to me that felt right. I can leave if I want to. I really can pack up and get out of here! There is no reason I need to stay. It really is my choice! I felt such a sense of relief! It felt so empowering to leave just because I wanted to leave!

So even though I went there expecting to learn more about meditation , I came away with an even better lesson! If something just doesn’t feel right to me, I do not have to continue with it. This was a big lesson for me. Even though I know that it is always my choice on what I do, there was still that part of me that wanted to be the “good girl”, and do “the right thing”. Well, who decided what the right thing really is? For me, the answer is, I decide for myself. And it was definitely the right thing for me to do. I was skipping out to my care, and I felt so powerful! I did it, I just left!

It wasn’t for me, and I did something about it, instead of suffering through it!

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