I am grateful

Written by Amie on July 29, 2013 – 3:31 am -

awareness 

Even though there was another “round” of dysfunctional behavior spewed at me yesterday, I am feeling very grateful. I am feeling very grateful for my journey of healing and growth. I am grateful for the awareness I have cultivated in myself. I did get triggered today because the person spewing was telling lies and throwing accusations at me based on lies. I do still get triggered at times especially when someone says very mean things about me personally. I’m still working on those triggers. I am grateful for my realization that I can choose not to take things personally. I am feeling grateful I was able to bring myself back to my truth in a much shorter time than in years past. I am grateful I was able to remind myself that these people are speaking from a very unhealthy, unconscious place. I am grateful I was present in myself enough to catch my reaction before I lost myself. Looking back, I wish I would not have engaged with them at all. I knew I would get exactly what I got, which was anger, denial and judgment. (one of the judgments was interesting; I was told this blog is garbage, which didn’t bother me in the least bit because I understand that my experiences probably triggered their own pain). I am grateful I was aware enough to know I was choosing to engage even though I already knew the outcome.

it is their “stuff”, not mine

I am grateful I knew to reach out to the people in my life who support me and know my journey. I am grateful I am aware enough to see that when others’ accuse me of things I know to be untrue, it is because they are projecting their own inner turmoil on me. I am grateful I know how to deflect their toxic words. I am grateful I understand where they are coming from and I am grateful I know to remind myself it is their “stuff”, not mine. I will not take on someone’s emotional pain and suffering. I am grateful I know not to do this. I am grateful I *know* without one shred of a doubt that I  am not responsible for other people’s baggage. I am grateful I am able to let go of the need to explain things to people who I know from past experience are not capable of hearing me. I am grateful for being aware enough to see that everyone is responsible for owning their own emotional pain. I am grateful I know I do not ever have to willingly put myself near people who continually hurt me and blame me for things I know I am not responsible for. I am grateful for the awareness of knowing that underneath anger and denial is always a person who is suffering deeply. I am grateful for the compassion I feel for the people close to me who are suffering underneath their anger and denial. I am grateful I learned to set boundaries with people who are not healthy.

I am grateful for my own projections

I am grateful I have healthy people in my life who support me and love me for who I am. I am grateful I know the difference between healthy behavior and unhealthy behavior. I am grateful that I am emotionally strong. I am grateful for the awareness I have. I am grateful for all of the experiences I have had in my life. Many of them were excruciating, but had I not gone through these experiences, I would not be who I am today. I am grateful for the deep love I have for the person I am today. I am so grateful for the feeling of being loved unconditionally. I am grateful for the gift of truth. I am incredibly grateful for the courage I discovered within myself. I am grateful for the love I feel for myself. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from my family even when they felt like very difficult lessons. I am grateful for the awareness and wisdom within me that I have learned to listen to and trust. I am grateful for the place inside me that knows when I accept “what is true”  in this moment I will reduce my suffering. I am grateful for my own projections because they allow me to learn more about the places in me that I am still working on healing. I am grateful, yes, I am grateful.

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self-love | 2 Comments »

2 Comments to “I am grateful”

  1. JD Snyder Says:

    I do not think your site is garbage. I think it is very healing and a mature commentary on life and the management of relations, including the relationship with one’s self. I like the gentleness of your words and your approach.

  2. Amie Says:

    Thank you for your kind words. I know in my heart what is my truth, and I trust this to be my guidance in what I write. I appreciate you and your authenticity. Much love to you.

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