Feeling triggered; depression is anger turned inward

Written by Amie on January 5, 2009 – 1:49 am -

Quote by Osho 

I will start with this quote by Osho: “You can have freedom. But the cost is to accept responsibility in it’s totality.”

So much has become clearer to me lately. I am acknowledging that place within me that has been conditioned to blame others for my feelings instead of accepting responsibility for them myself. When I feel anger, my first response has been to feel the anger, blame the person who “made me” feel angry, carry a grudge, hold on to the negative energy, and then say I’ve moved on when I really haven’t. I am finally starting to see the reality of why I feel angry but then I don’t allow myself to go further to get to the bottom of the anger. It is much easier to blame the other person without trying to figure out *what * the anger is really telling me.  Instead of looking at it like someone did something to me, I can stand back and ask myself why am I feeling triggered by what the other person said or did?

Start digging

Now I understand that anger is my protective wall. I can feel angry, which feels very powerful, but then I must take the next step. In order for me to really figure out what is going on, and to figure out why I am feeling angered, I have to take the next step and ask myself what wound in me is being triggered by the other person. The other person is a mirror for me to see what it is in me that needs to be healed.  This does take more work on my part, but I believe this is the only way I will grow in terms of  being able to get in touch with my needs. When anger seems to be a common reaction, it is time to start digging

Wounds

We all have emotional wounds if we are human. I believe we are all connected, and we come into contact with each other for the purpose of helping each other grow. We grow through receiving love, giving love, getting in touch with our emotional wounds, and many other ways. I know when someone triggers something in me that makes me feel anger, it is a big sign they are in my life to help me heal a wound. So the next time you come into contact with someone that really gets under your skin, stop and ask yourself, “what is it in me that is being triggered?” Allowing ourselves the time to figure out what we are feeling when we are triggered will help us heal.  Of course, there are times when anger needs to be felt before we can move on. Sometimes  there are situations when someone does something that is just really harmful to us, and we need to get angry, and then move on!

Depression is anger turned inward

If we choose to get angry and seemingly move on without getting in touch with the true feelings, depression is usually the result. Depression is our anger turned inward. Bottling up years of anger can almost always guarantee depression. It would be like being with someone who is constantly angry with us, yelling at us, telling us why everything we do is wrong. Not a good feeling to live with. If we allow ourselves to deal with the anger and the true feelings as they come up, we don’t have this huge storage full of anger that is just waiting to explode.

Start anytime

The good news is that we can make the choice at any time to start getting in touch with our true feelings. Being aware and being conscious is a choice we can make anytime. We can become aware of our breath, and that is all it takes to become conscious. And, even better news, we get a chance to start and restart every time we take another breath. So, when we forget, we get another chance, always!

Forgive yourself first

Forgiveness takes practice. I am learning to forgive myself when I turn my anger toward myself instead of digging in to find out what is really true for me. After I forgive myself I am able to journal or talk to someone about what is true for me. It helps! Just acknowledging that “the anger is the wall”,  helps me to feel more present and aware, which helps the healing process.

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