Written by Amie on January 2, 2009 – 2:39 am -

Top priority!

For the New year, I want to put my awareness practice on the top of my list of priorities. When I am aware of what is happening in my body, I am able to stay present. When I loose that awareness, I basically become unconscious. When that happens, it is easy for me to slip back into depression. Since I have many  more good days than bad days now, I want to stay aware so that my depression stays away! Being aware means that I need to consciously check in with myself throughout the day. Taking a minute here and there just to ask myself what feels alive in my body. Sometimes I just ask myself if I can feel my fingers moving, or my feet touching the ground. It always amazes me how different it feels to be aware vs being unconscious. I often wonder how many people that I come into contact with each day are actually present in their bodies. I would venture to say that the majority of them are checked out. 

More conditioning

Our conditioning has taught us to be unconscious, to be out of touch with our true selves. The good news is, awareness is always available to us-whenever we choose to check in with ourselves-there it is. There is no reason to live in the past or think about the future when we can very easily choose awareness or presence.  Ok, so it isn’t always easy! Sometimes it is difficult because it points out real feelings that we may be having. If we become more aware, then we may be forced to look at issues that are not so easy to acknowledge. Awareness is just that, being aware, noticing thoughts or feelings. It doesn’t mean that we have to fix anything, or figure anything out. We can just be aware. If or when we need to do something about the situation, then our awareness will let us know that. My mantra for the last year has been, “Be Gentle With Yourself”.

Repression and Awareness

In my journey through depression, I have learned how much I have been shut down. I learned to put walls up around me to protect myself from hurt, disappointment, sadness, etc. If I shut myself down, then I couldn’t be hurt. I wouldn’t feel the painful feelings, so that made it easier to move on. Then the depression hit with a vengeance and I was forced to look at all of the hurt that had been repressed. It has not been an easy process, but it has been the best thing that I have ever done!  Once I became aware that I even had repressed feelings, I was able to begin the healing process. In Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth, he calls this “the pain body”.  We are able to start healing ourselves once we are aware of our pain body. When we get “triggered’ by something that someone says or does, it is because our pain body has been activated.  This means that there is a wound in us that needs to be healed. Since our bodies(our cells) remember things even though our minds don’t always remember, at first we may not even know why we feel this strong feeling when someone says or does something. We may try to ignore it, or just brush it aside thinking something must be wrong with us for reacting so strongly. If we can truly be aware of what is going on in our body, and take the time to be compassionate with ourselves by sitting quietly, we can often come up with what is really going on.


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