Healing past emotional wounds that affect your present

Written by Amie on May 6, 2014 – 3:26 am -

We all have emotional wounds

Another very popular statement thrown around quite often today is, “stop living in the past”. It is another statement that irritates me. In some cases, sure, it is very possible to live your life in a way that only focuses on past events, traumas, etc. However, if you are depressed, chances are good that events, traumas, old beliefs, conditioning, etc. from your past, are affecting your life today. When you begin questioning, investigating, and reflecting on your life, this does not mean you are living in the past. This means you are courageous enough to look within yourself to uncover the wounds that are hindering your life today. We all have emotional wounds. They are to different degrees, but we all have them. It is part of being human in this world today. Many people are not willing to do the difficult and sometimes very painful work of self reflection. When we investigate our wounds, it doesn’t mean we are sitting around blaming others or staying stuck in the past. It means we are taking responsibility for our lives by looking at our wounds and feeling the accompanying emotions that were never felt. It means we are able to get through the pain, to the other side, which is our true self.

the truth keeps resurfacing

Sometimes it is easy to “talk” about things that happened to us. This isn’t the same as processing the emotions around these events. It is the hidden emotion underneath the “talking” that will heal. It is allowing ourselves to feel. It is expressing the emotions that were buried at the time of the true hurt. It is allowing ourselves to process the feelings that are coming up today even though the may have happened years ago. If we don’t allow the emotions to come to the surface to be felt, we are living in the past. The past is controlling our present. We can deny our past, we can “say” we processed it, we can pretend all is well. But the truth keeps resurfacing in different forms. It may show up in denial, depression, severe anxiety,debilitating fear, rage, isolation, over compensating by keeping extra busy, addictions, etc. When we keep trying to hold in those repressed feelings, we block our ability to heal. So this means really living in the past. It may appear as though you are living now, but in all honesty, you are merely functioning. You may tell others to stop living in the past, when in reality, it is you who lives in the past because the fear of feeling your truth is just too great.

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 peeking underneath the pain

I understand this completely. I remained in a severe depression because at first I didn’t know that I was burying my pain. I thought my depression stemmed from an inherent flaw in me. I was conditioned to believe that something was terribly wrong with me. I learned to turn my emotions inward. I learned to blame myself. I learned to pretend that all was well when it was nowhere close to being well. I told myself to keep looking to the future because it was sure to be better. Until my past wounds finally got such a deep hold on me that I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to begin the process of peeking underneath the pain to see and feel what was really there. One layer at a time. I revealed my core wounds. We all have them. This absolutely does not mean something is wrong with you or that you are bad. Thinking something is wrong with you or thinking you are bad or broken ; these are conditioned beliefs. They are not true.

What coping mechanisms do you have in place

You can begin healing your past by becoming aware of your beliefs, thoughts, and your wounds. What is the message you continually tell yourself? It may take work to discover this. What do you believe about yourself? Where did these beliefs come from? How do you interact with others? What do you feel in your body during interactions with others? How can you take responsibility for your emotions? (which gives you your power back) What coping mechanisms do you have in place that keep you from looking and feeling your truth? By this I mean do you keep yourself so busy or so focused on work or home or some other thing so as to make it impossible to have time to really look at your inner world? Do you eat too much so that you can then focus on how miserable you feel so as to take the focus off your feelings? Please know I am not judging. I have done many things in order to distract myself from feeling. I just want to throw some ideas out there.

In order to heal, you must first feel. There is no other way around it. It is hard work at times. Be gentle with yourself, be patient with yourself. Love yourself every step of the way even when you don’t feel love for yourself. 

 

 

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Self-love | 4 Comments »

4 Comments to “Healing past emotional wounds that affect your present”

  1. A Says:

    Thank you for this blog. It is amazing. I have been doing this kind of work, by myself, as I go along these past few years since I’ve had a kid. Something nasty will peek its head in, and no matter what I do it will not go away until I am forced to really sit with it, which is terrifying at first. Holding the hand of pains, fears, guilts, all those yucky feelings IS scary and then we get past that. Something lifts, conciousness is shined into the pain, transforming it, processing it. Its all about allowing ourselves to “be with” the terrible feelings. I totally agree, what looks like getting too close to the past- being there and getting stuck ( what we fear doing)
    sometimes is necessary to process and move forward. On some deep level, I have a pact with myself to be fully alive, free. It is so moving to see someone else go through the motions of breaking free. I am not alone!

  2. Amie Says:

    Thank you, I am so happy you found me and that you are on the same path. It is very difficult work indeed! But so freeing and so exciting too. I love discovering more and more about myself that at one point was completely buried. Sitting with the feeling is very scary, yes. But the more we do this, the more we trust that, “this too shall pass”. Thank you for sharing your experience, I’m really glad you are here! 🙂

  3. Lisa Says:

    Thank you also for this site.
    I am unraveling yet more aspects of the blame shame game that sit within the many programs of my core wound.
    This work would not be the same if posts such as this didn’t exist.
    Here we are seen, we are witnessed, as well. we get to intimately share with others how this work really is a moment by moment reality with our inner child as we take more and more responsibility iand give her all the nurturing and holding she/he needs ..l
    I used to be isolated until not to long ago… The great news is I am breaking free and feeling better about myself,

  4. Amie Says:

    Lisa,
    Thank you for writing. It is great news that you are breaking free and feeling better about yourself! This work is not easy, and it is really a gift that we are able to share our journeys with each other. Much love to you.

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