My Relationship with Depression

Written by Amie on March 1, 2009 – 3:11 am -

Empowered by Rita Loyd

Empowered by Rita Loyd

Love Hate Relationship
I have a love hate relationship with depression. It was mostly hate until I figured out that if I embrace it and sit with the feelings, depression doesn’t stay around as long. There was a time when depression was that visitor that would never leave. More recently, it hangs out for a few days, and then leaves for quite awhile. I used to be afraid of it, and afraid of what it meant, and afraid afraid afraid. I was also really angry that it wouldn’t just leave me alone. Last week it came back to visit for a few days. I wasn’t too happy about it, but I did get through it, with more ease this time. This time I invited it in, and asked what it wanted. I realized that I needed to take more time for myself to just BE. I realized that I wasn’t doing what I needed to be doing in order for me to feel connected to myself. It is not always this easy to figure depression out, believe me, I know. There were times in the past that I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted someone to give me a magic pill that would make it go away.

Notice and Release
I have shared before about depression, but I wanted to share this again in case there are some new readers or current readers who would like to talk about it. I would love to share my experiences, because I know how hard it can be. I still suffer, but not anything like I used to. I am able to look at my depression now and see that it is there to tell me something. There is something in my life that needs adjusted or changed. Thoughts and beliefs that are a habit in my head need to be noticed and released so that the truth has room to peak through. When I feel depression coming on, I am really good at making up stories about my thoughts. I tell myself how horrible they are, and that they will never go away.

woman-and-sun
Some truth Shines Through
Then, a tiny bit of truth shines through, and I am able to allow myself to just be with myself in a nurturing way. I am getting better at being compassionate with myself. I am able to ask myself the question, “would I say the mean things that I am saying to myself, to my children or to a friend?” If the answer is no, then I have no business saying those things to myself!  At this point, I remind myself that those thoughts are not true, they are made up stories  that I am using to beat myself up. It is an inner critic that has been used to having “free rein” to talk to me however it wants to! Now that I understand that the inner critic has absolutely nothing to do with the truth of who I am, I am able to set myself free to do things that are healing and that help me grow. I understand that I will still have down times, because the inner critic doesn’t like it when I start healing. I regress when the inner critic sneaks back in when I am not taking care of myself, or when my old “tapes” start playing in my head again.

Invite the Inner Critic In
When the inner critic comes back to visit, I greet him head on, I tell him that I am fully aware of what he is trying to do, and I watch his ideas fly out the window. I allow him to stay until I figure out what I am needing, and then I tell him his welcome is over. I say good-bye, and go about my business of nurturing myself and staying aware of my thoughts.

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, Nurture yourself, Self-love | 1 Comment »

One Comment to “My Relationship with Depression”

  1. Ian Says:

    What a healthy relationship you have with your inner critic! All negative emotions are the body’s way of telling us that a need is not being met and the thoughts that accompany them tend to be the thought patterns that are most heavily linked to those emotions in our brain. Greet the emotions like the messengers they are, and even greet the thoughts as a gift … but read between the lines and look for what the emotion is telling you, not the content of the thoughts because the thoughts are based on the past.

    According to the brilliant book “Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior”, at the heart of every “warrior” is a genuine tender sadness, which is what propels him or her to take courageous compassionate action to make the world a better place.

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