Honoring my sensitivity

Written by Amie on March 28, 2009 – 1:05 am -

Animals have to eat too!
The other day my son and I were driving home when we noticed a large hawk standing in a neighbor’s yard. We both thought it looked injured because we saw a wing sticking up in a strange direction. We both decided that we should turn around to check it out in case it needed help. We turned around and drove past the house again. The minute we both took a second look, we realized that the hawk was standing on top of a bird, his breakfast, no doubt.

Helpless
I really do understand that the hawk has to eat in order to survive. But that didn’t make a difference to how I felt when I thought of the poor little bird that was captured. I could “feel” his helplessness, his fear, his hopelessness. It took me quite a bit of time, and a lot of talking to myself to be able to feel okay again. This incident helped me to acknowledge how sensitive I really am. It really made me see how often I repress the deep feelings I have. On some level, I think I was trying to make myself believe that what I was feeling was wrong. I’m not sure when I started doing this, but I know it has been a long time.

Shell of Protection
I believe that so many of us have developed such a thick shell of protection that we sometimes miss the opportunity to really feel alive, and to really live in our truth. We don’t want to put ourselves in vulnerable positions. I realized how much of myself I hide because it made it easier for me to “fit in”, or so I thought! I suspect that most of us hide how deeply some things affect us because we don’t want others to think we overreact, and we don’t want to be looked at as “too sensitive”. After all, being “too sensitive” has always felt like a negative thing, said in a derogatory way. We should just be able to “suck it up” and move on. I guess it makes sense then, why so many people in our society repress their true feelings, and why so many people are depressed and anxious.

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Depression from repression
It is becoming so much more apparent to me now, that so much of my depression stemmed from repressing who I really am. I am a person who feels things very deeply and I am able to accept that and honor that. I made a commitment to myself that I will see myself for who I really am, and I will be who I really am. This makes me feel so free and so relieved! I felt a part of me come back to life that had been buried for a long time! I am accepting and honoring the part of me that can feel other people’s feelings/energy, that can feel the energy of animals, and that has deep compassion for every living thing. I can honestly say that I love that about myself, and that I am proud of myself for letting that part of me be seen again.

 

 

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, Healing & personal growth, Self-love | 4 Comments »

4 Comments to “Honoring my sensitivity”

  1. Ian Says:

    I think what you describe is related to emotional intelligence and an ability to empathise. After going through some tough things myself, I have ended up more able to empathise with others and I am more “sensitive” too, but I definitely see it as a blessing. It’s like my compassion has got turned up to 11!

    But then, on the other hand, I believe that there is a cosmic soup of consciousness from which all life is created, so, from that perspective, it doesn’t matter if one specific individual’s life ends because the consciousness that animated them will just end up inside some other being and life will continue elsewhere. I know this must sound rather cold, but if we are all connected and made of some universal stuff then I am you and you are me and if I die to become your lunch then so be it! It’s the ego that creates the illusion we are separate anyway.

    I expect I could have worded the above better, but I wanted to respond in some way before bed.

  2. Ian Says:

    p.s. The only real issue I would have with being someone else’s lunch is that I have people who depend on me, so I really need to stick around for their sake! But I’m not saying I don’t enjoy life – obviously, I would prefer to live and continue enjoying the journey, but I do not fear death and I think this is what enables me to live in the present and make the most of my life and make sure every day is spent trying to enrich the world for others.

  3. bmpotts Says:

    I think it is funny how we all value things differently. I too have always been very sensitive…I prefer empathetic. The difference is I have always (secretly) been proud of that character trait.Though I have found myself defending it. It is a virtue to be able to put yourself in the place of another living thing, even if it is a tiny rolly polly bug in the hands of a small boy on a sunny day at the museum.

  4. admin Says:

    Yes, I defintiely see it as something to be proud of. It took me a very long time to get to that place though. Growing up, I thought there was something wrong with me because things affected me so deeply. Now I am able to step back and be proud of this trait. Thank you for sharing. I remember that roly poly bug!

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