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Self-love

self photo90x90You are welcome here, and I hope you will feel nurtured here. I am so happy that you found me! I started this website with the intention of helping others through sharing my experiences of healing from depression. After suffering for many years, and trying many traditional methods of healing, I learned that in order to heal, I must love and accept myself. I write about my journey through depression using tools that have helped me learn self-love.

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lifechangingme.com Real Stories. Real Women. Making Real Changes

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The missing link in healing depression

Depression, Healing & personal growth, Self-love - No Comments » - Posted on September, 5 at 11:33 pm

Implode or Explode?

Even though I have written so much on here about learning to feel emotions, I must write about it again. I do believe the missing link in really healing depression (and the cause of so many problems in our world), is learning to allow ourselves to really truly FEEL. And I mean something besides anger and grief. Even these two emotions are ones that we are taught not to reveal. Most of us have been conditioned to hold back our emotions. We have been taught that having emotions is not necessary. We have learned to swallow our feelings, hold our breath so that nothing can escape our bodies. In my opinion, this is at the top of the list as to why so many people are depressed. From a young age, we are taught either verbally or non-verbally that our “aliveness” is not ok. We learn that in order to get through our lives, we must hide who we are, and most importantly hide our emotions. Most people don’t even know what a true emotion feels like because they are so accustomed to doing whatever it takes to hold it all together, hold all of that emotion inside. Sooner or later, all of that energy either implodes or explodes. We either turn it in on ourselves (which turns to self-hate), or we lash out and release it on another person or multiple people.

OCD, Panic Attacks, Depression

Humans are emotional beings, we feel things in our bodies. When we are asked to turn this part of ourselves off, we may as well be dead. Holding back our emotions deadens us. Some people (seemingly) manage to live their whole lives holding back their emotions. However, the emotions push their way out even if the person doesn’t want to allow the emotions to express. Some people become ill physically. Cancer and other diseases are on the rise. Some people have OCD, panic attacks, depression, or another “condition” that is labeled. This energy will find a way to escape. We can only drug it out for so long (via prescription drugs, illegal drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or any addiction that is chosen). Many people choose to never acknowledge their past wounds. Some remain baffled as to why they always get sick, or why they are suffering with mentally challenging issues. Some people go to the doctor to get medications to make these things go away. And sometimes they do. At least temporarily.

Teach me to breathe?

One thing we are never taught is to breathe (we don’t need to be taught, right?), keep breathing, and allow ourselves to be fully human. What do I mean by breathing? Well, I mean actually feeling our breath move in and out. Noticing when we are holding in our breath in order to avoid feeling an emotion. Becoming aware of my breathing has been a huge breakthrough for me. It is amazing how often I was holding my breath instead of allowing myself to FEEL. Holding my breath was making it easier for me to ignore my true feelings. I would hold my breath until the feelings went away. Breathing has everything to do with feeling our emotions. Emotions express themselves physically. It is the story we tell ourselves about the feelings we are feeling that make emotions become “mental”. Our ego tries to protect us from feeling emotions because we have been taught that they are bad or wrong. Therefore, a story becomes attached to the physical feeling we are having, and the rest is history. If we can allow ourselves to feel the physical feeling, and breathe through the feeling, it is allowed to pass through our body and sometimes be done right then. We can move on from there. If we have been holding back for years, well, then it will take some practice and a lot of compassion for ourselves.

Tears threaten to sneak out of your eyes

But practice and compassion for ourselves helps us get better and better at this. How many times have you been involved in an activity or watching a movie, or even viewing something beautiful when tears threaten to sneak out of your eyes? And, what is the first thing we are taught to do? Wipe them off quickly before anyone else notices. How many times do we see a child fall down and start crying, only to be told, “oh, you’re fine, let’s get you up now”. I have seen this so many times, I have lost count. What message does this send? It is the beginning of teaching the children to shut down, to shut down their human side, their emotional side. They learn that who they are is wrong or bad. They learn to shut off the part of themselves that makes them feel alive. More messages just like this get sent to children all of the time. Hushing a baby or small child, telling them they don’t “feel” a certain way when they just finished telling you that’s how they feel. Most adults learned these same messages when they were children, and they keep passing them along generation to generation. Until someone stops the cycle. So, basically most adults are walking around as children in adult bodies. Still trying to get their needs met and still trying to figure out a way to show the world who they really are. Something to think about………

This is Michael Brown, the author of The Presence Process (incredible book,btw)

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Believe nothing until YOU decide it is true

Awareness, Basic needs, Depression, Healing & personal growth, Self-love - 2 Comments » - Posted on August, 25 at 1:00 am

You don’t need to be fixed

So it has been awhile since I have written, but I am feeling the need to write, so here I am! I have been doing so much internal processing, and I just haven’t had the urge to write until now. I am reading the book The Presence Process, and I am doing the work involved. I highly recommend this book! For me, it is exactly what I needed after reading A New Earth.  I want to write because I am hoping that my journey and process might help someone else on their journey. I think it is really important to remember that no one person or people can give you the answers you need to “fix” you. The reason I believe this is true is because nobody needs to be fixed, and each one of us has everything we need right inside us. Our “job” is to remember what is already within us. Every single person is perfect exactly as they are. Each one of us is exactly where we are supposed to be. We can read and listen to other people which is helpful, but we still have to follow our own heart. Others can get us started on the path to discovering the truth within us, but nobody can do it for us or tell us exactly what is “right” for us. We must remember that we are loved and we can remember the truth when we choose to. It really is a choice that we can make. We can choose to believe the “stories” we have been told our whole lives, whether these were verbal or non-verbal, or we can choose to not believe one single thing unless it resonates 100%  with us. I do understand what it is like to be so depressed that you don’t know to even question your beliefs. However, since you are reading this, you must have a feeling somewhere in your body, that is telling you there is another way to be living.

The towel police???

I want to help you remember the truth that you were born with. Most of us get sidetracked and forget this truth. Rather, we are conditioned and shaped to believe what others and society deem as “right”. The truth is each of us knows exactly what we need, what we want, what we feel. The problem is that we have bought into the stories that we were told. Because we were children when these stories were told, we had no way of knowing that we could question these stories. I have been quite shocked lately at the things I have discovered about myself. In fact, I am questioning everything. I don’t just mean beliefs in general. I mean I question everything I am doing, seeing, believing, liking, observing……I went shopping the other day for some bath towels. I was looking at the colors available, and thinking to myself, “I can’t buy all of the colors that I really like, I have to just choose one color so that they all match.” I almost convinced myself that I HAD TO do this. I almost convinced myself that I had no choice but to purchase one color so that…..so that what??????? The towel police wouldn’t come arrest me for choosing multiple colors of towels….and they don’t all match????? WOW, I realized what my thoughts were telling me and I laughed out loud, and then proceeded to buy whatever colors I loved!!!! And, guess what, they don’t really even match the colors in my bathroom….I know…what a shock!!!! I felt so happy when I left the store. I loved the colors I picked out, and I loved that I chose them because I wanted to, not because of some voice from somewhere (?) was telling me what I should do.

Right/Wrong/Good/Bad

This is the incident that really clarified things for me. I had been questioning my beliefs before, but not to this degree. I wasn’t really allowing myself  to be completely myself. I still had these voices telling me what I “Should” do and what was right/wrong/good/bad. My goal is to not label anything good or bad, right or wrong because who gets to decide what is right or wrong, good or bad???? I am not going by someone else’s idea of that anymore. I check in with myself, and then I decide what I would like to do. I feel free! My world consists of the stories in my head. I want to encourage you to question every single thing that you do. Try to become aware of the stories for each encounter you have. Become a curious child again, and ask yourself why? Why can’t I have the color of towels that I want? Why can’t I go do something nice for myself. Don’t believe any of the stories you are telling yourself unless you can prove that they are true. I can’t think of one valid reason for me not to have multiple colored towels. How can I prove that I must have a matching set? I can’t. It is a story I picked up somewhere along the way. Most of the time, our stories make NO SENSE!  Learning to observe everything without judgment is helping me so much. I am able to step back and laugh at most things I “thought” we true. As Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

LOVE this song and video by Michael Franti! Remember…..YOU are loved always!!!!! Remember the truth within you that can never be taken away.

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