Acceptance,shedding the old,and lessons from a lizard!

Written by Amie on February 7, 2010 – 9:32 pm -

According to the growth charts……

Stay with me here, this isn’t completely about my new pet. So I have a new pet lizard…a bearded dragon to be exact. My son bought her from a breeder and took such great care of her. For some strange reason she hasn’t grown much since we’ve had her. According to the growth charts she should be at least double her size by now. My son was very disappointed, as he wanted a “normal” bearded dragon. He said he would like to return the dragon to the breeder and get one that is older and bigger, already growing normally. I have never considered myself a reptile kind of girl! I thought we would just return the little creature, and then find another one for my son. Somewhere along the line I became a wee bit attached to her. Maybe because I helped my son with ideas to get the little one to eat, changing the lighting….trying to get her to grow. Hmmm…..so I started dragging my feet on returning her to the breeder. Let’s just try one more thing….etc. etc.

Can I return her?

The day we were supposed to return her I felt really agitated and “off”. There was something pulling me to keep her. I went over and over it in my head…why in the world would I want to have a lizard? It must be because I just want to make her well, etc etc. I told my son I might keep her. He was a bit shocked at first. I told him I was going to go meditate and I would let him know what I decide. So, I meditated, and it was very clear to me that I should keep her. I surprised myself I do believe! ¬†For some reason, it just felt like the right decision.

beardie

What is “enough”?

So, here I am…..me and a bearded dragon. She is cute for a lizard. Each day I would go in and try to feed her. She wasn’t real keen on eating much. I felt myself wanting so badly for her to “grow normally”, (whatever normal means!). She was doing everything else that classified her as being “normal”, she just wasn’t eating enough to make her grow enough. I tried everything I could think of, I wrote to other people who have bearded dragons, etc. I just kept thinking I wanted her to be healthy like a normal lizard. Then, it hit me. Why not just accept her the way she is? In every other way, she is healthy. She just isn’t growing at the normal rate. She startled easily, and still seemed nervous to be so young in a new place, all alone. Maybe she just needs me to accept her where she is, let her be who she is until she feels comfortable. I know, she IS a lizard, but I still felt like she was giving me this gift of accepting myself exactly where I am. Heck, if I can accept a lizard, I should be able to accept myself, right?

Accepting her and myself exactly where we are

The day after I decided to accept her exactly how she is, she ate triple the amount of crickets! I know, she is a lizard…but still. I feel like she is my mirror in some strange lizardy way. Today she shed her skin. Yet another lesson for me. I am in a huge place of growing right now, and seeing her shed her old skin and embrace the new reminds me that I need to do the same. I am shedding the old beliefs that do not work for me, and I am embracing and honoring my truth. One more layer gone, another layer closer to who I really am. I feel I am constantly comparing my “old” way of being, doing, and thinking, to my new, or rather my true way of being, doing, and thinking.

I am exactly where I’m supposed to be

I would never have thought a little lizard named Na’vi (I loved the Na’vi tribe in the movie Avatar!) could be a teacher. But she is. I think she actually grew a smidgen today too. But, if she did, or if she didn’t…I’m ok with her exactly how she is. She is growing exactly how she should be growing. How do I know this? Because that’s what is right now, so it must be the way it was meant to be. I also accept myself exactly as I am right now. I don’t need to be any further along, because where I am is where I am supposed to be. If I can accept a lizard for where she is on her journey, then I surely can accept myself for where I am. Crickets, anyone?

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