Remove your armor

Written by Amie on September 23, 2009 – 1:07 am -

Insightful read

I just finished reading the book called “Expecting Adam”, by Martha Beck, and I want to share a part of it with you that I loved. I actually loved the whole book, it was so touching, so insightful, I was sad when I finished it. She wrote this book when she was expecting her son, who has Down Syndrome. It was about so much more than just her pregnancy. I highly recommend the book! Anyway, here is a quote that I absolutely love, and I find so inspiring.

Go On Naked!
“The way back to my real environment, the place where my soul was meant to exist, doesn’t lie through any set of codes I will ever find outside of myself. I have to look inward. I have to jettison every sorrow, every terror, every misconception, every lie that stands between my conscious mind and what I know in my heart to be true. Instead of clutching around me all of the trappings of a “good” person, a “successful” person, or even a “righteous” person, I have to be exactly what I am, and take the horrible chance that I may be rejected for it. I can’t get home by cloaking myself in the armor of any system; social, political, or religious. I have to strip off all that comforting armor and go on naked”.

italian_knight_armor

The armor starts early

I keep thinking about how most of us have been taught to believe so many things that are just not true. Most of these beliefs are taught to children the minute that a child starts doing something that adults deem “wrong”. The word “no” starts very young. The child gets frustrated because she is following her heart, but she is getting a message that she needs to please the adult. I wonder when this rule started? If I examine some of the “rules” that many families have, I can see that most of them are in place to make life easier for the adults. It really has nothing to do with whether or not the child is actually doing anything truly “wrong”. I’m not talking about obvious dangers here. Most of the conditioning that children receive (the armor they start growing) is due to the fact that they live in a world where adults are in power. Adults get to decide what is best for the child, even if the child is clearly saying that it is not what their inner voice is telling them is right for them.

Shut down the inner voice

The child then grows up questioning whether or not what they feel inside is really right, or if what they are feeling is bad. This leads to the child internalizing the message that something is very wrong with them, because they don’t feel the same way that the parent feels. If the parent tells them a certain thing, it must be right. So, the child learns to put on more armor, learning to cover up their true needs. I know that this is not intentional on the part of the adult, it is simply repeating what they learned.

Strip off the armor to let your true self out!

The good news is that we all have the opportunity to get back to our  “real environment”. The real self that has been hidden behind the armor. The armor that we use to protect our tender feelings. The armor that we were forced to grow so that we could shield ourselves from our own truth. Our own truth felt bad to us because we thought that in order to be “good”, or “successful”, or “nice”, we must conform to what the adults around us told us was right. Well, I am here to tell you that it is time to strip off the armor. You don’t need it anymore! Your true self is the “right” way! Really, it is. Your true self is the reason you are here in the first place. You only needed the armor because you were a child and you didn’t know there was a choice. There is a choice, and you can choose to reveal what is under the armor.

Who you are is you

I want everyone everywhere to know that their true self is perfect. It is “right”. Your true self is what will make you feel alive. When you strip off the armor, sure, there might be some bruises, but bruises heal. You were born perfect, you really were. There is nothing wrong with you, there never was. The misunderstanding came in the form of others telling you stories about yourself that were false. The verbal or non verbal stories were all made up. They were made up so that you would be “socialized”, and made into a good little citizen. You internalized the stories and came to believe them as completely true. They aren’t true, and you are free to believe what you want about yourself. Yes, it is a choice, and the choice is yours! It is okay to love yourself for exactly who you are, this is the way it was meant to be.

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Core Wounds

Written by Amie on July 8, 2009 – 4:49 pm -

Overwhelmed with Emotion

I haven’t written for awhile, because I have been overwhelmed with emotion for the past week. I was out at a restaurant last week where there was a young child who was maybe 3 yrs old screaming at a table nearby. She started off crying, and then it escalated into a distraught screaming. This was disturbing to me on many levels. First of all, the parents were not acting as though they needed to do anything to help her. They took her out of the restaurant once, but when they returned, she was still crying. It took them 20 minutes, and the manager coming to their table before they decided that something needed to be done. Come to find out, she had hit her head. The cry was clearly saying that she needed help. Number two, as I looked around, I saw faces of irritation and annoyance more than I saw any faces of concern. I’m wondering how the reaction would have been different if the person crying had been an adult.

cryinggirl

Sad but true

Yes, sadly, this happens all the time in public places. Upset children, with adults doing everything they can to avoid the embarrassment of other people judging them. At the expense of the child’s well-being.  This time it affected me in a different way, it really struck me in a place of  deep sadness. There was a comment made about this child being “too old to act that way”, and insinuation that she was not really crying, she was being manipulative. This really is the part that I couldn’t just let go. I felt so many emotions flowing through me. Anger was running rampant through my body, with sadness and disappointment right behind. I was also in shock to hear this type of comment. A young child needing help from adults, and being ignored and thought to be manipulating! Even if she was crying to get attention, she STILL needed something.  She clearly needed help!

Children are taught to be seen and not heard

In my fury of outrage I wondered to myself if we are supposed to stop showing emotions sometime before the age of three? Is this the age when we should button up and start repressing our emotions? I still feel so emotionally vulnerable on this subject, that I don’t think I can even write coherently everything I would like to right now. All I know is that it hit a core wound of mine, and I am having a hard time understanding the emotion flooding through me. I know that my depression comes from me shutting myself completely down very early on, and this is what I imagined happening to this young child. When we are fighting to be someone we’re not, we lose the connection to our soul. Part of us dies, and we forget who we really are. I have been working on uncovering my true self for a few years now. I was shocked to find out that my depression was so linked with repressing what makes me feel alive.  I am grateful everyday to my children. I started “waking up” after they were born.

Stuck in sadness

Today when I was meditating, I heard a strong message that if I do not take some sort of action, I will stay stuck in my sadness. This has always been difficult for me! Today I decided that I would restate my intentions of what I need in order to bring joy back to my life. I set up intentions about what steps I need to take in order to bring awareness and consciousness to the world concerning the treatment of children. I am very passionate about this and realize that part of my soul purpose is to bring this awareness. I want to be an advocate for children, and I want to empower parents to go against the grain and try a new way of being with children.

More on this later……I will add more later…..still sorting through some stuff……

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Posted in Connection, Depression, Mindful/respectful parenting, Self-love | 1 Comment »
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