Feeling negative emotional energy from others can affect your sense of self-love

Written by Amie on November 3, 2009 – 1:23 am -

Not the greatest idea ever

I think I have finally figured out the reason my dog was brought into my life. Let me start with saying he has been quite a challenge for the past 3 1/2 years! We brought him home less than a week after we had to put our beloved dog Mikka down because she had bone cancer. Needless to say, bringing Owen home was an emotional decision. We were feeling so sad about losing Mikka, we thought bringing home a puppy would help. Someone we knew just happened to have a puppy who needed a good home. Long story short, it was not the best idea we have ever had!  I have been questioning the decision quite often since he has been here.

A challenge?

I vacillated between thinking he was with us for a reason, and we just plain made a mistake. I have read so many stories about how pets can help us become more aware of ourselves, and they help us to grow and heal. That all sounded great, but I still couldn’t see why Owen was brought into our lives. I thought maybe it was because I needed a challenge in my life! I thought maybe it was because I needed to exercise more (which is true!). Maybe he is here to teach me that training a dog is not always easy. No, that is not the main reason. Literally, we have almost gotten rid of Owen multiple times. He is a fearful dog, as I mentioned in another recent post. Therefore, he is very high maintenance. He needs almost constant attention. We have to be mindful of what he is confronted with. Did I mention that I have twins, and I have complained to my husband many times that Owen felt like more work than triplets would be?

Being fearful and sensitive is not a flaw

When I finally “got it” that he is a sensitive and fearful dog, and these qualities are not a flaw, something shifted in our house. When I started treating him with more compassionate kindness, a shift happened. He isn’t as annoying, he doesn’t feel like such a handful. He looks at me as though he understands me. I look at him as though he is a scared child, and I am able to have an enormous amount of compassion for him. Before this shift happened, I kept telling myself that I loved him and I would miss him if we gave him away, but I didn’t *feel* that way. I only said it because I felt guilty admitting the truth, which was that I really didn’t love him much because he was a pain in the butt!  He felt the negative emotional energy around him, and acted accordingly. He tried really hard to get our attention. Then, I got it, and I shifted myself to a place of understanding. This made him react differently, or at least it feels that way!  He is still fearful, but not as much a pain in the butt. My negative energy shifted. I think my words and my feelings match up now. I really do love him and know that he is a sweetheart underneath the fear.

girl & dog cropped

I see myself

The biggest revelation I had was how I can see my own traits in him. He was trying very hard to show me that I needed to be compassionate with myself! He taught me that I can love myself- my fearfulness and my sensitivity included. I am not flawed. Even though my perseption of myself was always that I was flawed, it is just not true. It was my perception because I was a child when this pattern was set. I learned to pick up on how the emotional energy felt around me, not just what people said to me. I kept thinking there must be something wrong with me because I would hear someone say one thing, but in my body I was feeling something else. I felt the negative energy, and *that* is what I internalized. So, even if someone didn’t verbally say something negative to me, I picked up the feelings behind the negative energy, and made the assumption that I was bad.

Negative stores leading to self-hate

It took me years of trying figure this out. I could not figure out where my negative thoughts and beliefs were coming from. Negative stories that led me to hate myself. My kids have taught me about being completely authentic. If I am not being completely authentic in what I am saying to them, they sense it, and they tell me. I feel so grateful that we have a relationship where they know themselves well enough to see this for what it is, and also that we can talk about it. I am healing and growing as I go. This can be very confusing to a child. Their inner guidance is telling them one thing, but they are hearing something else.  A disconnect happens, and many people start operating on an unconscious level.

Love and honor myself enough to listen to my inner guidance

Now I am aware of this pattern, and I can work on healing it. It is all tied in with loving and honoring myself enough to listen to my inner guidance. It never fails me if I listen to it. I can change my perception of the stories in head. I can change them to the truth. There are many reasons why people say one thing and mean another. Most of the time it is because they don’t want to hurt someones feelings. Many times it is because they are coming from an unconscious place, and don’t even know they are communicating in this way. All I know, is it has lessened the confusion for me as to why I would feel a certain way around certain people. I can clearly see that some people aren’t sure how to be authentic. We are all at different places along the journey. I am grateful for my dog for helping me to really get this concept. It only took him 3 years to get me to see it!


Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Depression, Healing & personal growth, Self-love | No Comments »
RSS