Don’t tell me you love me if your actions don’t match your words

Written by Amie on August 10, 2013 – 2:57 pm -

“I get it, but I don’t *want* to get it”

I’m feeling angry and frustrated. Underneath the anger is grief. Very painful grief.  I have been grieving a lot over the past 6 years, and each time a new wave hits me, it feels like I am healing on a deeper and deeper level. I know I can’t change people, I can’t change their capacity to love, I can’t change the way they protect themselves emotionally. But it’s so hard to just accept this. It is so hard for me to accept that a person or people would choose to remain in their story rather than mend a life long relationship with people they claim to love.. I keep saying to myself, “I get it, but I don’t *want* to get it”. I don’t want to accept that someone would choose their lifelong pattern of living behind their armor of protection rather than figure out how to love authentically. I feel sad that people can’t experience love because they are in too much emotional pain. Pain that is blocking the heart from opening to deeper experiences. So I continue to feel my anger and frustration, which leads to feeling the real stuff underneath, which is deep grief and sadness.

I was this person years ago

I truly don’t feel like I am asking for much. I am simply asking for people to be real, be authentic, say what is true. And this is where the frustration comes in. I totally understand why many people are unable to do this. I was this person years ago. I was too afraid to be vulnerable. I was too afraid to share with anyone the pain I was feeling. It was too scary for me. So, I understand it. However, I also remember when my pain became too great. I thought I would die if something didn’t change. So this is where I come back to not fully understanding how losing people you keep claiming you love doesn’t catapult you into seeking help to support you in your struggle. I am not judging. I am just trying to wrap my head around it. And I keep coming back to the realization that some people have such deep pain that they just can’t entertain the thought of facing it. I get it. And I’m still sad.

suffering for years with depression

I am tired of hearing empty words. Words that make noise but say absolutely nothing. I am tired of the attempted reassurance that I am loved when the actions show otherwise. The words,”I love you” do not have to be spoken between two people when the love is authentic. Actions and the energy of the actions speak louder than words. Sure, it is nice to hear those words sometimes, but only if there is feeling with them. If someone tells me they love me and it feels like they are saying it because they think they should, I don’t hear their words, and I no longer trust them. If a person loves another person, it should be obvious in their actions. You can *feel* love. Love isn’t something to say in order to check it off a list of obligations. All I really want is to know who a person really is. All I really want is to feel the authenticity of a person when I am connecting with them. All I really want is for people to take off the armor and show me who they really are. And yet I know, this is not easy. All I know is that it is crucial if a healthy, loving relationship is to be had. How do I know this? Because I have experienced both ways, and I can tell you that one way sucks the life out of you, and the other way opens you so that you feel alive.

Who Are You?

I believe that underneath all of the armor we carry, is a human (a soul in a physical body) just wanting to be real with the person they are connecting with. Show who you really are. If the person you reveal yourself to doesn’t respond in a way that makes you feel safe, make a note to yourself that this person is someone you should not be vulnerable with, and possibly someone you can’t trust to be in your life. If you are afraid to say your truth then say that. Say, “I am really feeling afraid to say what is true for me.” Start *there*. This is being real. I think we were taught to believe that being real means to confess to a life of mistakes. In reality, I believe people just want authenticity and vulnerability with people they love. Just show your truth. Who are you? This is a great question to ponder. We have been conditioned to label ourselves. But try to go beyond that. Who are you really? *What* are you? 

My favorite spiritual teacher Gangaji on Who are you…really?

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