He makes me crazy!!!

Written by Amie on August 12, 2009 – 1:01 am -

I really can’t stand John Rosemond’s books

Okay, so tonight I made the mistake of looking at a new parenting book by John Rosemond when I was at the bookstore. Knowing how much his advice makes me over the top angry, I picked it up anyway! I remember getting furious once a month when I would read his column in the local parenting magazine. I finally stopped reading it when his advice to a parent whose daughter wanted to sleep with her because her parents had just gotten divorced, was to lock her child out of the bedroom and let her cry in the hall! It made me cry. I am so disturbed by him on so many levels. I know I have more power when I am “for” the right stuff, instead of  fighting against the wrong stuff, but I don’t know yet how to turn this around into something positive.

His writing  is disturbing!

I just really need to vent about this. Maybe I will come up with a way to turn my passion into something positive as I write. I think his advice disturbs me so much because it is everything I am against! I believe children should have rights, he believes they should basically have none. The way he writes implies that children are a pain in the ass to their parents, and that they should be miniature soldiers. He actually goes as far as to write a “Children’s Bill Of Rights” on his website. I know I am in some way giving him more exposure by writing about him, but I am writing because I think he is one of the worst people to give parenting advice! Anyway, his “bill of rights” has nothing to do with real rights. They are all about how kids should be obedient and grateful that their parents even let them live inside the house. Can you tell yet that he infuriates me beyond belief? The only way I can make myself have an ounce of compassion for him is to believe that  he must have been abused as a child.  He must have been so beaten into submission that he believes that he deserved this treatment.

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Fear and guilt!

His books and writings seem to be based in fear and guilt. His goal seems to be to make parents feel as though they are not good parents unless they have “obedient” (who uses this word anymore???) soldiers for children. I am a huge advocate for children’s rights, and I think this is why I get so upset whenever I happen across anything written by him. He is so incredibly disrespectful. It is hard for me to imagine treating my kids the way he proposes is the “right” way. I don’t understand why he thinks this is a good idea. Why do you want to raise children who end up hating you? I think he would see this as a successful parenting career if your kids hate you.

Control

I know that he is all about control. He probably never had any control over his own life, so he felt control when he had his own kids. He finally had someone to control, which made him feel good. How sad for them. And how sad for him that he hasn’t gotten help himself to heal his own wounds. It scares me that people like him are giving advice to parents. Children are people too.  I wouldn’t even treat a pet the way he suggests treating your child. He shows no empathy and emotion at all. He just gives off this persona like he is always in control, and parents should be too. He tries to hide this behind the word “leadership”. As in, parents should show leadership in their roles. By this he means parents should be commanders in their household army. Yuck!!!!!  His parenting philosophy sounds so barbaric and insane to me.  I will never understand nor agree with him.

I am trying to have compassion

When I come across people like him, I find it very difficult to have compassion for him. His behavior is mean and disrespectful. After reading A New Earth, I do understand that his “ego” is way off the charts. His dysfunction very high, but still. I will try to look for some compassion. Are there some people that it is just too difficult to feel compassion for? Hmm, I don’t know. All I know is that I will never pick up one of his books ever again because I let it almost ruin my night! Although I did give my kids a good laugh because I looked up his website to show them his bill of rights, and I may have cussed at the screen a few times!! So, yeah, I really dislike the man’s beliefs, can you tell?lol

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves

Here is an excellent video by Naomi Aldort, who wrote the book, “Raising our children, raising ourselves.” I have it listed under my book section at the top. She is an advocate for respectful, mindful parenting.

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Posted in Connection, Healing & personal growth, Kids/teenagers and depression, Mindful/respectful parenting, Unschooling | 3 Comments »

Being Partners With Your Child

Written by Amie on October 27, 2008 – 6:43 pm -

We unschool our kids. Many people don’t know what this term means. I didn’t know what it meant either. I knew that when my kids were toddlers that I could not stand the thought of sending them to school. I did not want to be away from them, nor did I feel it was an idea that they would be happy about. We had so much fun being together, that my husband and I really didn’t want to have someone else raising our kids for a chunk of our day. We parented our kids with attachment style parenting, which helped pave the road to unschooling.

Many people are confused by the term unschooling. Some think it means un-parenting. It does not mean to just let your kids go without being a partner to them, without helping them find the things that interest them, and journey with them down many different paths. It does not mean to be submissive and just basically ignore your kids. It means to “BE” with them, be present with them, help them find things that they are interested in, do things with them, be very involved with them, but follow their lead.

I have been thinking a lot about how unschooling has been the most rewarding experience. The relationship that I have with my kids is incredible. There is no punishment/reward type behavior. We talk about everything, we negotiate with each other trying to find solutions that will make everybody feel heard. I look at my kids as the human beings that they are. I don’t treat them like I am in control just because I happen to be older. Imagine if you had to ask your spouse/partner/friend every time you wanted to eat something, or go somewhere, or do something. Imagine if you had no choice on what to do with YOUR life. It is a frustrating way to live, and it DOES NOT have to be that way. My wish for every child is that they have freedom to choose how to live their lives. Some people assume that kids will just go wild and do really stupid things if they are able to make choices for themselves. This is simply not true. If a person learns to think for themselves, and they feel like they have control over themselves, they live more authentically, they learn to live from their heart. When kids are treated disrespectfully, they learn to find ways to get some freedom, which means learning how to be sneaky and doing other potentially  harmful things in order to get their needs met.

Parents do not have to be authoritative in order to have kids that are respectful. Kids learn by how they are treated and what they see, not what a parent “tells” them. If they are treated with respect, they give respect.

I feel joy everyday with my kids. Is it perfect? No, nothing is, but I truly feel blessed to be able to share my life with them. I could never have imagined a relationship so open and so loving with my kids. I trust that they will learn everything they need to learn in order to be happy, healthy adults. School does not teach this. School teaches kids that they must do what the authority tells them to do, when to do it, how to do it, how much of it to do, and when to stop. It teaches them when they can eat, when to use the restroom, and that they can’t speak when they want to. It teaches them that other people will tell them what they need. Suppression is a huge lesson to learn from school. Suppress your anxiety, suppress your anger, frustration, your urge to use the restroom, the need to speak your mind, your hunger, the need for healthy connection with all age people, the need to learn things that interest you, the need to just stay home and rest when you want to without getting behind, and suppress your innate needs and desires.

School does not prepare kids for the real world, school prepares kids to learn how to become robotic and how to suppress their aliveness. If kids had a choice about when and whether or not they want to go to school, our world would be a much healthier place!

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Posted in Connection, Kids/teenagers and depression, Mindful/respectful parenting, Unschooling | No Comments »
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