The other side of depression….feeling alive again

Written by Amie on October 6, 2011 – 2:40 am -

Your depression can be healed

I keep sitting down to write and then I can’t seem to finish. I am going to try again! A friend of mine helped me see that I may be having a difficult time writing because I no longer suffer from depression. This is an incredible gift! This site began because it helped me to write about my journey with depression. So, maybe I just need to change the focus a bit. First of all, I want you to know that *your* depression can be healed. I promise you that. As long as you are willing to do the work, you can feel better. I feel so grateful for the way I feel right now. I honestly can say I have never felt better in my life. I have never felt this alive ever before. It is so obvious to me now that I was completely shut down for most of my life. I was depressed for many years. So, here I am….really feeling fantastic! Please don’t read that and get discouraged if you are feeling horrible right now. I remember feeling horrible and then reading something positive and just wanting to punch the screen. I would mumble under my breath some pretty nasty remarks to the person who was feeling good. I know, pretty helpful, huh? So, please stay with me here, and keep reading. My intention for this website has not changed. I truly want to help others who are suffering. I want to share the things that have gotten me to this much healthier place.

Homeopathy

I must give homeopathy a huge shout out because I believe that without it, I might still be struggling. I was very very depressed. I thought I was as low as I could go. I was wrong. My brother committed suicide. There was a lower place than where I was. I honestly didn’t think I could pull myself out of it. But, I did. With the help of an incredible therapist, an incredible homeopath, the best friends ever, family support (which is difficult when you are all suffering from the same trauma), and some other tools. However, the fuel for my recovery was homeopathy. It helped ignite my life force. It wasn’t fast and it wasn’t always easy, but it was the best thing I have ever done. And believe me, I have tried so many avenues. I knew that antidepressants were not an option this time. I realized that I had to *feel* and not try to push away my truth. Homeopathy fit the bill. It helped me to do all of the other things that have been instrumental in my healing. E-mail me if you need a recommendation for a homeopath.

I woke up!

The fact that you are searching the Internet and the fact that you landed here tells me that you are awakening. This is the most exciting thing ever!!! If you stay with yourself, and allow yourself to *feel*, you will heal your depression. Waking up is the beginning. Knowing that you don’t want to suffer anymore is key. Seeing things for what they truly are, and seeing people in your life for who they truly are keeps you moving on the path of awakening. My soul woke me up. The birth of my children began the process for me. I saw in them what I was missing in my life. The love I showered on them was the love I missed growing up. Their birth awakened something deep deep inside me. I was able to *feel* the giant hole inside me that needed to be filled. As time went on, I continued to grow. I continued to see things more clearly. I saw people in a different light. The most important thing is that I was truthful with myself. I started finally telling myself the truth of  what I felt and what I needed and what I like and dislike. This was huge! I had to learn how to allow all of this without holding on to the guilt and shame that was attached to it. 

I love myself now!

This is the most incredible feeling in the world! I can honestly say I am completely in love with myself now. And I do not feel an ounce of guilt saying that! It began with learning to nurture myself. I learned to do things that fed my soul, my spirit. I learned to tell people no! I learned to stay away from people who didn’t feed the goodness in me. Was it easy? Hell no!!!! But am I stronger? Hell yes!!! Do I know for sure I am a strong empowered woman? Hell yes!!!! It takes work. It takes learning to talk back to the voice inside your head that is feeding you lies. Trust me, the voices are not you! They are lies. Loving myself feels so wonderful, I can’t describe it. I meditate every day. I feel out of sorts without it. I exercise at least 5 days a week. All of these things happened because I was ready. I do not push myself to do any of it. It all comes natural now. I crave doing things that feel good. And, back to homeopathy-it is the driving force. I believe these things all come naturally to me now because I am more in balance mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. There is so much more, but I must go to sleep.

Contact me with questions, as I am truly here to help

 

You are love….you have the answers you need right inside you…..dig through the old lies and stories to re-discover the truth you were born with…..you are a beautiful soul…..you deserve to be here…..you deserve to feel joy every day……let go of the old stuff you have carried around for years…..question every single thing you tell yourself…..only keep it if you know it to be 100% true….that means you have to prove that it is true! Do something for yourself that feels good…right now….love…

Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Depression, Healing & personal growth, Homeopathy, Meditation, Nurture yourself | 8 Comments »

Authenticity and Depression

Written by Amie on April 29, 2011 – 1:46 am -

I want to be nurtured too

The other night I had an awakening about myself. I keep saying I want and need more deep connection with people. I don’t think I realized what I really meant by this. Now I know. I was thinking back to when my kids were young. When they were first born I started down a path that I didn’t even know existed. I nursed them and slept with them and I followed their cues to determine what they needed. They rarely cried because I was there with them. This opened a place in my heart that I didn’t know had been closed. I didn’t know there was even a door there. I realized that I wanted to be nurtured too. I wanted to be close with and loved by other people. I realized the deep empty hole inside me that was never filled. I never learned to love myself because I had never felt unconditional love. I never felt as if there was someone there for me no matter what. I never felt secure and safe. I never felt as though I was accepted for being exactly who I was. This is difficult to write because I am not writing this in order to blame or hurt anyone. I just need to speak my truth, and this is my truth. I do believe people love in whatever capacity they are capable of. I understand that now.

Feelings of loneliness

Once I started down this path with my kids, I also started down the path of learning to nurture myself and learning to listen to my heart. It hasn’t been easy. I was used to pushing away my own feelings and needs in hopes of acceptance from those around me. I got in touch with the feelings of loneliness I felt since I had to shut off a part of myself in order to be loved. Each time we shut down a part of ourselves, a bit of our soul is turned off, like a slow death. (the good news is that it can be turned back on!) So as my kids grew and I heard negative feedback from those who supposedly loved me, I shut down even more. On one hand I didn’t give a damn what they thought about my parenting, but on the other hand I had the strong human need to be accepted and loved for who I am. It hurt me that people who were supposed to unconditionally love me, wanted me to change to fit into what their ideas for the “right” way of parenting looked like. They didn’t understand, so therefore I must be crazy. I should change so they won’t be uncomfortable.

Internalizing negativity

I got in touch with that place inside me that really just wanted unconditional love. When we have strong human needs that don’t get met, it is common for us to think we are somehow bad and wrong for needing them. I internalized the negativity that others heaped on me. This causes depression! Changing ourselves for others begins when we are children. So many people have this experience. Once we realize what is happening, we can change it! An adult has the power to listen to who they choose to listen to. If someone keeps telling me how they disapprove of me, I have the power to kick them out of my life! And I will. Negative people will no longer be tolerated in my life. Accept me as I am, or get out. Depression is anger and resentment and horrible learned messages turned inward. Depression is a deadening of our life. We are trying to deaden who we are in order to be loved. Messages that have been given to us are internalized to the point that we believe them. I used to believe that I had no right to need anything! Imagine! Every single person has needs. Ignoring them brings depression.

Spiritual Friendship

It is 100% normal to need love, nurture, acceptance, safety…..I could go on and on. Every person has the right to a happy life. There will be challenges and sadness and grief and other emotions…….but our birthright is love and joy. I know that now without a doubt. Authenticity is who I am. I will speak up for myself. I will follow my dreams and passions even if someone else doesn’t want me to. When someone has an issue with me or what I am doing, it is almost always about them. It makes them uncomfortable, so they want me to change! No way. When I live authentically, my heart is open to give and receive love. When I come from an inauthentic place, I am closed off to my life. Not a happy place to be. I met with a new friend tonight to share a gift called Spiritual Friendship. We each take a turn to listen while the other talks. I cried when we were done because it touched a place in my heart; the place where my soul lives. That authentic place. I was being seen and heard and I was able to see and hear her. Raw human emotion. THIS is what I am talking about. This is what we all deserve. Someday this will be our new normal……the place we are meant to live in. Namaste’.

I am not going back to re-read this, so hopefully it makes sense. I am always open to hear comments and opinions. Let me know what you think.

Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Connection, Depression, Healing & personal growth, Nurture yourself | No Comments »
RSS