No action needed, just BE

Written by Amie on January 14, 2010 – 1:37 am -

Do not show my truth

It has taken me a very long time to really “get” the idea of just letting myself feel emotions rather than feel them but also go right into the mode of having to do something to either “fix” it, or figure out what to do about it. I am a person who likes to know why, and who has a hard time just letting something “be”. I was always the person who thought she had to be the one to keep the peace, or to do things for others so that they suffer less. Most of the time I was working from a very uncomfortable place. I did not want  anyone to argue or to be unhappy. In other words, I had a very difficult time with other people showing emotion. I also felt responsible to DO something to help them. I learned that showing emotion was not a good thing. It was something that you just don’t do. Be strong, be quiet, and go along with what others want. Do not show your truth.

I guess it isn’t surprising that I had trouble learning that (1) it’s OK and very normal to have emotions, (2) I don’t really have to act on every feeling I have, (3) I am human, therefore I have emotions,  (4) there is nothing wrong with me if I have emotions, (5) I have every right to feel the way I feel regardless of what others around me think, and (6) emotions are energy, and they come and go.

Feel the emotions

Allowing myself to just feel the emotions, feel the hurt, the disappointment, the sadness, the anger is still tricky for me at times. I have to really talk to myself when I am having strong emotions. I have to remind myself to breathe, and then tell myself to feel the emotion without judging it, and without needing to take action. It seems to be so common for us to want to DO instead of just to BE. We have been taught that we should be doing something so that it looks like we are not wasting our time, we are doing something constructive. This way of thinking flows into our emotional life as well. Even with meditating, it is very normal to feel like we are accomplishing something. We need to work towards enlightenment, at least we have a goal, right?!  Once we meditate and become “enlightened”, then what? Smooth sailing for the rest of our lives, no more emotions, no more having to deal with being human? Wishful thinking. I have come to believe that meditation is to help us remember who we truly are. I don’t think meditation is to “become” anything. We already “are”. When we meditate, we are reminded that we are not our stories, we are the peace that comes in the silence.

Emotions flow when you allow them

I am able to see (most of the time!) that once I just allow myself to BE, simply BE with my emotions, they flow through me easier and quicker. Most of the time I just need to allow myself to feel them (not always easy), and then just be with myself. It is important to nurture and love ourselves when we have strong feelings, but not take any action. We don’t have to fix ourselves, we just have to be in the space of feeling who we are. Humans have emotions, regardless of what we are taught. Humans FEEL, regardless of what we are taught. When we disconnect from ourselves by thinking we have to take action, we chip away at our soul, we disregard the connection we have with all other humans, we separate ourselves from all that is.

Who Am I pic

There is nothing wrong with me for showing emotions

Giving myself the space to just be with my emotions has been a huge gift I have given myself. It has also given me clarity around how we have been taught to ignore a part of ourselves from a very young age. So many people believe there is something wrong with them when they show their emotions. Many people are so shut down they don’t realize they have emotions. That was me for quite awhile. I shut down my emotional side. I felt too vulnerable and it felt too scary to have emotions that I had to do something about. IF I allowed myself to cry about something, to me that meant I had to find a way to fix it. So that was just too overwhelming. It was easier to just shut down, or get angry.

We are feeling Beings

It is ok to be human and to feel emotions. We are feeling BEings. Finding your truth means allowing yourself to feel. No need to take action, just allow yourself to FEEL your aliveness through emotion. Emotions can’t hurt you. They can be difficult because they are painful sometimes, yes. Just breathe and stay with the emotions, and they will pass. Not to say they won’t come back again or come back in a different form, they probably will. But, say hello to them and thank them for keeping you human. Allow them to come to the surface. Staying with “what is” right in this moment will allow you to just BE.

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Letting the tears and the emotions flow

Written by Amie on November 20, 2009 – 12:10 am -

Falling apart at the drop of a hat

It is scary to feel like I can just fall apart at any minute. Lately I feel as though I will cry at the drop of a hat. I feel raw with emotion. I know this isn’t a bad thing, but when I feel vulnerable, it still feels scary. As much as I remind myself, I still forget, “this too, shall pass”. Thankfully, my dark spots are not the size of a crater anymore, but nonetheless, they can still feel debilitating when they last for more than a few days. I try to remind myself  it will pass if I just allow myself to “be with it”. Of course, that can be the hardest and sometimes the most painful part. I know that I have a pretty sensitive nervous system. I feel grateful that I discovered this so I could stop beating myself up for “being so sensitive.” I am learning to love this about myself, rather than hate it. Most of the time, that is. For the past few days, I have strongly disliked this fact.

man+crying

Many tears flowing

There have been many tears the last few days, but the release feels good. I can tell there is more to come. The tears have retreated for today. Each time I just stay with my sensation of being stuck, I am able to release more and feel better. When I try to fight the feelings and push at them, they remain with me, and they push back harder. I must keep reminding myself that I am peeling back the layers of emotions as my body is ready to release them. As much as I want it to be over with, I can’t hurry the process. I really am exactly where I am supposed to be. Damn, that is a hard thing to remember in the midst of the struggle. Once I am able to get my fingertips to the top of the hole to pull myself out, I am hit with a huge ah-ha moment. I realize once again, that I always feel better after the struggle. I do want to say that there was a time when I was just in a constant struggle, there was no, “this too, shall pass”. It never passed, it stayed right where it was because I had no idea how to be present with it.

The struggle with dark emotions

Sometimes it is still hard for me to put into words what is happening inside me when I am struggling with dark emotions. I can just explain the sensation of what my body is telling me. Today I felt as though I had a rock lodged in my stomach. After sitting with this sensation for about 15 minutes, I noticed that my body was telling me that the “rock” in my stomach was a feeling of being unsafe and scared. Of what? Not really sure, but it also doesn’t always matter.  With the help of my therapist, I tried to give the “rock” a voice, to ask it what it was afraid of. This is something you can do for yourself if you are not working with a therapist. I was able to feel in my body that there was something pushing against the “rock” to keep it stuck there. I discovered that I was feeling too vulnerable and also unsafe. I was able to get to a place of feeling safe by thinking of a time when I *did* feel safe. Once I let my mind and body go to the place of feeling safe, the stuck feeling did dissolve. I had to remember there was no “goal” to the process. I wasn’t trying to make it go away, I wasn’t trying to solve the problem, I was simply trying to let the sensation have a voice.

Trust yourself, trust your body

Our bodies are so much a part of our emotions. Even when our minds can’t figure out *what* or *why* we feel a certain way, the feelings in our bodies are telling us enough information. It is the mind that wants to make us think we have to “figure it all out”. Believe me, my mind tries to convince me of this on a regular basis. I talk to myself often. It is necessary to put the mind in it’s place, so to speak. It really can convince us of anything if we listen to it long enough. Three years ago, I couldn’t answer the question, “how are you feeling”, or “what is alive in you right now”? Today, I am able to feel the places in my body where I hold my emotions. My stomach is the first place my emotions go. Trusting my body feels good. It will only allow what I can handle to come to the surface. My fear of completely exploding will not happen. My body is my protector. It will let me know when it needs to release. Trust yourself, trust your body.

Video of Eckhart Tolle discussing how to express emotions.

 

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