We have been taught to avoid feeling our greatness

Written by Amie on April 11, 2015 – 2:38 am -

The message is well ingrained

We are so much more than this temporary shell (our body) we live in. Our soul (or our true self) has been taught to live in a state of being shut off from its truth. This message is loud and clear starting from the time we are babies and children. (there are different degrees of this, with some parents who are awake and who see and respond in a healthy way to their babies and children). However, in this post I am talking about the majority of people(in my opinion) who are raised with the message that they need to shut off their truth. Most people in one way or another have gotten the message that their true self, their true beauty, their true magnificence, should not be seen or heard. This message is taught to babies and children, and also is carried into adulthood. By the time we reach adulthood, the message is well ingrained. I am here to say, this can be healed, it can be reversed. Your true self can shine!

until they were indoctrinated

I observe people, it is what I do. I notice how uneasy people are around other people in general. I watch at the grocery store, and I see people afraid of making a mistake. “Oh no, I thought that cost $5, I am so sorry I told you the wrong amount”. And they go on and on berating themselves for making an innocent mistake. “gosh, I can’t believe I did that, I should have noticed that, how did I miss that?” All while feeling ashamed to look at the other people for fear the others will agree, that yes, you are in fact, stupid. This breaks my heart in so many ways. (And, I used to be just like that. I would beat myself up all day for one little mistake) I see people who are so wounded inside, but yet trying to appear “normal” and happy. They believe the stories and lies they learned, and they are living from this place of untruth. They have completely forgotten their beauty, the true magnificence of their soul, the perfection they were born with. The beauty they knew at a very deep level, until they were indoctrinated with the message of who they truly are is not okay. Watch people. Watch how uncomfortable so many people are with feeling afraid when they think they cut in front of you in line, or afraid to speak up if something is not really what they want, or making sure others go before them even when they were there first. (because maybe I am not worthy of being treated kindly, or I don’t want you to think I feel I am better or more important than you) There are also the messages from many religions that say we must not be selfish, always put others first. So even in those times when you  really don’t want to put others first, you do it anyway, so as not to be seen as a bad person. Oh…..the lies run deep.

An “anger trance”

Our true self (our essence, our soul, our spirit) does not match up with the outer world we are living in. (the outer world is like a movie, it is made up) Our minds have been trained to see in a very muted, dysfunctional way. So, after years and years of this muting of our true self, many people may become very angry. There are different degrees of this. Many people live their lives in an anger trance, feeling grumpy and mean most of the time, while sometimes putting on a “happy face” to convince others of how happy they are. Or the anger takes over and they lash out and hurt others around them. Or they become very deeply depressed and can barely get through the day. Or they turn on themselves with self hate. Or a combination of these things. Many people self medicate trying to shove down the bursting of the soul’s cries to be seen and heard. Sometimes this works for a lifetime, sometimes not.

avoid feeling and seeing our own greatness

We have been taught to avoid feeling and seeing our own greatness, at any cost! As some children we are told to be quiet, shhhh, stop bothering people, or can you please just stop talking, or don’t be a show-off, or be nice to your friend, don’t be mean, or stop being a know it all, or you can’t like that activity, it is weird, it doesn’t make sense, or no, that is not ok, or why do you have to do that, or just do as I say, you are just a child you don’t know what’s best for you, or stop doing that, people are staring, or you are fine, that didn’t hurt!, stop being a baby, or go to sleep, there is nothing to be afraid of, or you must be mistaken, I doubt that really happened. I’m thinking most of you may be able to add to this list?

Nobody knows better than you, what is best for *you*

Children *know* and act out their greatness, their magnificence! This is what we need to come back to. How do we do this? We start observing every single thought we are having. We pay attention to how our body feels, and we explore what those feelings are. We decide what feels good and what doesn’t. We do things that feel good. We take care of ourselves in all ways the best we can.We practice being kind to ourselves. This is so very important! Once you are able to be kind to yourself, the rest will fall into place. Some people may no longer be welcome in your life. Many things may change, or not. It is all about learning to love yourself. I promise you, the reasons why you are cruel to yourself stem from learned behavior. The thoughts about yourself that are anything but magnificent are NOT true! I am not saying we are all perfect and we will be happy every single second. No. This is unrealistic. But, yes, we are perfect in the sense that nothing is wrong with us. We only learned that something must be wrong with us. Our world is set up to make us think we should dim our light. It is set up to keep us feeling like we should “obey” authority figures, or that someone else knows what is best for us. NO! Nobody knows better than you, what is best for *you*! Shine your light! That is why you are here, to be in your magnificence.

you may need to go slow and grow into your truth

The outer world is is not who you really are. Your inner soul is who you are. Yes, we need these bodies in order to function as humans, but we are not our bodies. If you sit quietly and just *be* with yourself you will soon feel your true self. You will begin to “hear” (not audibly) who you are. You will begin to know who you are. You will know the part of you (the authentic part) who is magnificent, the soul you are. You may not trust this message at first, you may need to go slow and grow into your truth. It is a process. It takes practice to begin hearing your true self if you have spent most or all of your life being taught to ignore it. Your truth is there, inside you, I promise. All of the answers you need are there, always. Nobody can take them from you. You are brilliant! You are a beautiful magnificent soul! Ahhh…….

“I am Light” by India Arie

 

 

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the need to feel connected; learning self love and self compassion

Written by Amie on April 19, 2013 – 1:05 am -

feeling safe to express who you really are

Underneath the feelings of depression, sadness,guilt,shame,grief, (and I believe most emotions), is the need to feel connected to ourselves and to others. When I was depressed, I was completely shut off from myself and from others. When I was depressed, I would isolate myself. What I really needed was someone to be there with me, holding me and reassuring me. Sadly, I felt I didn’t deserve to have this, and I also felt that nobody would want to be there for me anyway. So I was not able to ask for what I needed. I believe most people (people who are not in touch with their true feelings) feel too ashamed that they have the need to be connected to others. It makes them feel weak to need other people. When I say “connected”, I mean in an authentic way. I mean being able to feel and to express your deepest, most sacred feelings. I mean feeling safe to express who you really are.  What I was truly craving when I was feeling the most hopeless, was to have  someone there with me to witness the emotions I was having, and to be present with me, without trying to “fix it”. Instead, I felt guilt, shame, and self-hatred because I couldn’t “feel better” on my own. I felt as if something was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just “snap out of it”, or “find something positive to focus on”. Well, now I know why.

our  emotions trigger a reaction inside them

Most of us were conditioned to shut off our emotions and to believe that we “shouldn’t” need anybody when we are having “strong” emotions. People may tell us to reach out, but many people are not capable of handling us if we actually do reach out. Many people try to “say the right thing” by offering to be there for us, but when it comes down to it, we learn that it isn’t safe to express our true selves. We learn that when we  reach out we hear the message, “you will be OK”, “tomorrow is another day to start over”, “can you exercise, will that help?”, “maybe you should do…xyz”. Don’t get me wrong, most people are well intentioned.  The problem is that our  emotions trigger a reaction inside them, so they want that feeling to go away quickly, as it feels very uncomfortable. They want you to be “all better” so that things can feel “normal”, and so that they can go back to feeling comfortable. What we really need is just to be heard, validated, accepted, and loved. These feelings make us feel connected to each other.  Deep inside each of us is the need to feel connected and accepted, especially when we are feeling horrible about ourselves. When we share our sacred feelings with someone and the reaction we get back is one of dismissal, or of them trying to “fix” us, this reinforces our feelings of self-hatred. Even though they are attempting to make us feel better, we feel worse because we are not being heard and our feelings are not being validated. By trying to fix us, we get the message that something really is wrong with us. So, we decide that isolating ourselves is the answer. Who would want to be around someone who is depressed and can’t “get over it”? The self-hate messages convince us that we don’t deserve to be listened to and loved. (please keep reading, as there are most definitely ways to get your needs met in this situation).

even when we feel dead inside

Many of us were conditioned to hide our feelings, to hide until we “feel better”. We have been conditioned to put on a smile even when we feel dead inside. I remember  “acting as though everything is fine”. That is, until I couldn’t do that for one more second! I thought I would go completely insane if something didn’t change. I knew I needed people in my life who could love me and support me for being exactly as I am. I didn’t “mentally” think this, if that makes sense, but I *knew* in my body that I needed to be connected to others in a healthy way. I was craving like-minded, accepting people. In general, if a person could stop and really get in touch with their true feelings, they might notice how they are craving authentic connection with others. Imagine if it became “normal”, healthy behavior to answer the question, “how are you today?” with a REAL answer instead of, “fine, thanks, how are you?”! You might say, “well, actually I am feeling sad today because my cat is sick. I am afraid she might die, and I’m really scared.” Imagine if the person responded to you with authentic heartfelt words that really connected you to them. Imagine if that person looked you in the eyes and really “saw” your pain and your fear, without trying to make you “all better”. Imagine if they just simply connected with you in a way that you truly felt heard and validated?  Your truth is being shared with another being, and you feel connected and you feel safe. Imagine what this world would feel like!! Imagine how each of us would feel if we felt connected to all of the people in our lives in an authentic way. Imagine if we didn’t feel the need to hide or pretend how we are feeling in order to protect ourselves emotionally.

Depression is your soul’s way of saying, “enough beating”

Connection is at the heart of being human. Humans need authentic connection in order to be healthy. We can only pretend for so long. Sadly though, there are some people who go through their whole lives without having real connection. We are all craving authentic connection. I believe this 100%. But we have been shamed and guilted into believing we shouldn’t show our true selves. The way our world is set up right now, it is difficult to feel connected in an authentic way with others because most people are in “pretend you are happy” mode. This does a disservice to everyone for so many reasons. It is very difficult to be vulnerable with someone who appears to “have it all together”, or with someone who appears to have  no worries.  Remember, most people may be pretending, so try not to compare yourself with others. Healthy people do exist though, lol, I promise you that!  Some people who appear to be happy, are in fact, happy and healthy! As you become more and more aware of your own emotions and truths, you will begin to have a feeling about others who might be a safe choice for you to express your true self. The path to connection begins with self-love and self-compassion, two things most of us were not taught. We must begin the practice of being easy on ourselves. We have been shut down emotionally and beat down mentally, for possibly our whole lives. Depression marks the turning point. Depression is your soul’s way of saying, “enough beating”. “Enough self-hatred”. It is time to begin the journey to loving yourself enough to fill the need for connection. You deserve connection and love.

The Good News! Your Way to feeling and being connected

Now for the good news! When we don’t feel safe enough to express our true selves, we are not connected to anyone, let alone to life itself. Cutting ourselves off from our true selves and from others, we also cut ourselves off from our life force. I don’t believe it is possible to feel connected to anyone or anything in an authentic way unless you love yourself. You can only feel love and connection to the degree in which you feel it towards yourself. (two exceptions in my opinion, are children and animals) Life doesn’t want us to feel disconnected. It is there just waiting for us to reconnect. Learning self love and self compassion is key. I went from completely hating myself to being completely in love with myself. (it has taken several years, and I continue to grow stronger and stronger in this, as the journey goes on forever) I tell you this because I want you to know that this is possible for you too to love yourself no matter how hopeless you are feeling in this moment! It is a process of unlearning the self hate messages and beliefs that have been on “automatic” in your mind for probably most of your life. So, for me, I began with nurturing myself whenever I possibly could. I picked nurturing music, I read healing books, I found a loving therapist (who focuses on self-love and body/mind/spirit), and I became part of a healing, women’s growth group, I danced more, I got healing massages and learned all kinds of body healing techniques, and very importantly, I started working with a homeopath. I bought myself small gifts when I could; pens and pads of paper being my favorites. I asked the universe to bring healthy people into my life, and then I paid attention. I began meeting people who I feel safe being vulnerable with. I also stopped opening myself to people who weren’t yet capable of receiving me and my truth. It is a process to learn to take good care of ourselves. Becoming aware of your thoughts is imperative. When you hear self-hate in your thoughts, choose self-compassion instead. Have compassion for yourself as you would have for a small child or a loving pet. Talk to yourself as you would talk to them. Listen to the pain going through your head. It is painful to tell yourself hurtful thoughts. Give yourself compassion around this. Fill your thoughts with self-loving words, even if they don’t feel true. Someday they will, and you won’t need to say them anymore, your body will *know* them to be true, your body will *feel* them.

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