Learning self acceptance and self love

Written by Amie on July 3, 2013 – 10:12 pm -

the messages that we should not love ourselves “too much”

Learning to love yourself is the single most important lesson. I do not believe a person can fully love someone else or be happy in life if they don’t love themselves. Think about most of the conditioning we receive. It is usually about how we should “be nice”, how we should always think of the other person first, we shouldn’t be too cocky, we shouldn’t come across as being a “know it all”, blah blah blah. ¬†And, I won’t get into how many religions point to the attitude that we should always consider other people before ourselves, we should not speak up too much as it might hurt someone’s feelings, we should listen to the “authority” figure because they were the chosen ones and they know more than you do (they are special and you aren’t), I could go on and on, but you get the idea. We are conditioned from a very young age with the messages that we should not love ourselves “too much”, or others will think we have a “big ego”. Think about how many times you were shining in your own beautiful way and you were shut down, either verbally or non verbally. Think about how many times you were conditioned to feel ashamed if you started getting “too (fill in your word) for your own good”. Think how many times you felt as though you shouldn’t “shout too loud” about something you were proud of because it might make someone else “feel bad”. Again, I could go on and on.

caterpillars

the light we were BORN TO BRING TO THIS WORLD

I am saying all of this to help you see how you may have been conditioned to believe that you aren’t worthy of being happy and loved. So many negative messages are thrown at kids from a very young age (not always, but it was the norm for a very long time and still is for many children). We are more easily accepted in our society if we go along with the status-quo, not rocking the boat too much by shining our own beautiful light. The light we were BORN TO BRING TO THIS WORLD!!!! We are actually conditioned away from realizing our true selves! So to love yourself can feel “wrong” or “bad” to many people. There was a point in my healing process that I actually felt guilty on the days I felt happy! Imagine this! I felt guilty! There was a very strong message in my head that told me, “but so and so isn’t happy, so you shouldn’t be. It isn’t fair that she isn’t.” So, when I spoke to someone who wasn’t feeling good, I tapered my mood so that I didn’t appear too happy. I didn’t want them to feel bad because of me! Oh dear. So, learning to love yourself is the process. When you begin to feel love for yourself, your depression will begin to lift because you will automatically begin doing things for yourself that feel good. You will begin setting boundaries so that people can’t be in a position to hurt you, because you will care too much about yourself to allow that to happen. You begin filling your soul with words, music, people, and situations that feed you. You begin saying no to things that don’t feel good to you. You learn to notice the things that make your body feel dread and guilt and shame, and you begin telling yourself that these things do not feed you, they hurt you. Trust the process.

Be curious, ask yourself where the message originated

Self love starts to blossom each time you honor your inner voice, your soul. It takes practice to re-train your brain. Every little thing you can do that feeds you helps your self love get stronger. Learning to say “I accept myself exactly as I am” is very helpful. Accepting exactly where you are in your process is so important. Giving yourself a break and loving yourself as you would a tiny baby when you feel you made a mistake. Telling yourself, “It’s okay, I am learning to love myself. I was taught that I shouldn’t love myself, and I am changing that.” Every time you catch yourself belittling yourself and accusing yourself of doing something others don’t like, remind yourself, “I am honoring my soul. I will follow my inner voice even if others don’t like it.” The more often you can do this, the more empowered you will feel. You will most likely hear a voice or get a feeling in your body when you feel good (even if it is a split second of feeling good) that tells you something like, ‘oh here you go, thinking you know it all or getting too confident. What do you think you are doing, this isn’t right, it won’t work.” Tell that voice to please go somewhere else, you are no longer interested in negative messages. It works if you keep practicing. The more you do this, the more you will notice patterns in your life that don’t feel good. This is a great time to process those messages. Be curious, ask yourself where the message originated and if it is time to let it go. It is time to give yourself a break and to feel the love that is just waiting there, ready for you to absorb every bit of it.

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Posted in Awareness, Connection, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Self hate | No Comments »
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