Letting go of depression and opening to love

Written by Amie on November 2, 2011 – 1:11 am -

Being depressed is like being in prison

Wow! I was just watching Oprah’s new Life Class show, and I sobbed tears of joy throughout the whole thing. I am so touched right now. I feel so alive with hope and love, it is overwhelming. In a really hopeful beautiful way. Please keep reading, I won’t talk just about the show the whole post here. The show was about how animals touch our lives and how they give pure unconditional love. There is a program in some prisons called Puppies Behind Bars, and this is what touched me so deeply. Let’s see if I can put it into words. My body is pretty overwhelmed with feelings of love right now. When I watched these men taking care of the puppies, my stream of tears started. I could *feel* the weight of the world being lifted from them. These men felt unconditional love for the first time ever in their lives. It was painfully sad on some level, but so beautiful on a much deeper level. I felt a connection with these men. I realized how depression really imprisons a person. I was a prisoner of myself for years. I do realize that being incarcerated has so many other challenges. I don’t want it to sound as though I am minimizing this.

The minute you decide to pay attention to your thoughts and beliefs, and start *questioning* them is the minute the bars start to crumble 

The men in the show were physically imprisoned, or so it seems. I believe they are also emotionally, spiritually, and mentally imprisoned. This is exactly the same for people suffering with depression. Depression causes a person to be stuck on all levels. Depression is caused by the suppression of one’s authentic self. We become numb on all levels because we are stuck in the thoughts and beliefs we were conditioned to believe. Our authentic selves are fighting against what we have been taught. Each time our authentic truth tries to show itself, the messages we have been conditioned to believe convince us that this authentic self is wrong or bad. So, back to being stuck. It is a continuous fight. The more the thoughts and beliefs are believed, the stronger the “bars” become. BUT, these bars can be knocked down. The minute you decide to pay attention to your thoughts and beliefs, and start *questioning* them, is the minute the bars start to crumble. *You* are in control of your prison, I promise you.

 They have never known what it is like to be loved for exactly who they are. Their true selves have been conditioned out of them

Watching this show brought up so many emotions for me. Like I said earlier, I was sobbing while watching it. It hit me on such a deep level. I could see the humanness of each of these men. I could clearly see what I have always felt. My belief is that people end up in prison because they have never felt love, they have never been really *seen*, they have not been unconditionally loved, they have never known what it is like to be loved for exactly who they are. Their true selves have been conditioned out of them. They are acting out of fear and desperation. They have given up on the hope that they can ever feel better or ever be loved. They are convinced that they are not worth anything and that nobody cares about them. Therefore, they live to survive. In any way they can. Sound familiar? Anyone suffering from depression probably feels all of these things as well. I know I did.

This is the reason you feel self hatred. This is the reason you feel hopeless. This is the reason you feel worthless.

I understand that everyone has their own journey. I know from my own experience that we are exactly where we should be on our journey. I am in a place now that I know *for sure* that each of us has unconditional love inside us at all times. Depression can be healed when we make the decision to become aware of what we are telling ourselves. Every single person is capable of healing. I know this  deep inside. At the core of every one of us is love. By questioning and changing what we believe we get closer and closer to our authentic selves. Every time you allow yourself to notice your thoughts or beliefs, question them, and then acknowledge what you really believe or feel, you get closer to your truth. The truth is *you are loved* unconditionally, and that you deserve to be full of love. The only reason you don’t know this right now is because the messages you have been taught and told to believe are blocking this truth. This is the reason you feel self hatred. This is the reason you feel hopeless. This is the reason you feel worthless. These are *all* thoughts!!! They are NOT true, I promise you. they may feel true deep in your body. That is *only* because you have had them in there for a long time. That is the only reason!!! Stop believing your thoughts. Begin right now by noticing what you tell yourself. Once you start doing this, you will become more present in yourself, which will lead you to being strong enough to process some of your emotions. This leads to healing…..and ultimately to self-love. I don’t even know you, but I *know* for a fact that I love you.

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Depression and the emotional body of a family

Written by Amie on February 26, 2011 – 11:43 pm -

Suicide and depression

Since my brother’s suicide almost 4 years ago, I have been trying to make sense of suicide and also how depression and other emotional issues play into it. I wish I could say I have come up with an answer, but I can’t. I do have some ideas and opinions, but who really knows? The one belief I do keep coming up with is that one or more family members carry the “emotional body/pain” for the whole family. I believe this pain is carried through the generations until family members decide to heal some of the emotional pain that has been repressed, avoided, denied, or otherwise “forgotten”. I believe some people are more sensitive to emotional vibrations than others, and this is why some are able to get through trauma, dysfunction, and emotional pain while others may not be able to handle it long term unless they learn tools that will help them release the deep emotional scars. It is very hard work when we begin releasing the pain, and healing emotional traumas and family pain that has been buried for many years. The majority of people don’t understand that some of their emotional pain is not even their own.

Verbalize the imbalance

Looking back through my own family, I see so much dysfunction. This used to make me feel angry, but now I am able to see it in a different light. I am able to see that as humans we are all evolving, and for the majority of us, avoiding emotions, needs, and feelings has been a part of our history for many years. As children, we learn how to act in ways that will get us the love we want. Most of the time, children sacrifice who they really are so they can be who the family needs them to be. There is really no way for a child to verbalize the imbalance they feel, unless they use “negative behaviors”. This habit of hiding who they are just sort of happens, unless the adults in their lives are emotionally healthy, or at least dealing with emotions as they come up. Learning to be someone other than who you are is the beginning of the road that leads to turning off your inner voice. When your inner voice is turned off, it is like being dead but appearing alive. We are going through the motions of being alive, but inside we are dead. Depression. Depression is being dead to your life. If you can’t be yourself and you can’t do what feels right to you, you are not living. The hope is that each generation will get healthier. This is not always the case, but it is the hope. I believe that even though it appears as though our world is getting worse and worse, there is good happening underneath this. So many people are awakening to the truth that if they want to be healthy, joyful, and happy, they must do their own healing work. This makes me feel really positive. It is imperative to start *feeling* the truth that is your inner voice.

Genetic depression

Quite frankly, I am tired of people saying that depression is genetic. I talked about this briefly in this post , but since it is weighing on my mind, I am bringing it up again. Right now, in this moment, “genetic depression” means (to me) being handed the family dysfunction and being expected to hold it so that nobody else in the family has to deal with their own true emotions and feelings. This is a very subtle thing, I don’t mean to make it sound like someone makes this decision and says, here, it’s your turn to deal with this so that my life will be easier. However, if you are the one holding the family insanity, it feels exactly like this. The term “carry on with business as usual”, feels really appropriate here. Family secrets, issues that have never been talked about, lessons taught about how to be someone other than who you are, abuse that gets repeated, behavior that is being emulated; all of these things are “genetic”. To me, THIS is what depression is made of when it begins.

Self hate begins

As a child, we are born *knowing* what we came here for. As we get older, most of us begin to hear, see, and *feel* messages that go against this knowing. When those around us begin telling us or showing us (either with physical actions or on an energetic level) that we are not here to be loved and feel joy, our sense of self begins to chip away. With the predominant behavior being dysfunction in this world, our own voice starts getting drowned out because the messages telling us we are not OK, we are not worthy, something is terribly wrong with us, and we shouldn’t have needs beyond the basic ones, start becoming much louder. This happens because many people are too afraid to do their own emotional work, so in turn they continue passing along this “genetic” issue.  It is scary to work on emotional issues, I will be the first to say this. But until each and every adult is able to look within themselves to see what untruths have been  passed down to them, and what needs to be healed, they will continue to pass on their dysfunction to the next generation.

Seek your truth

Imagine the confusion of a child when so much dysfunction gets thrown at them on a daily basis. Imagine the confusion when they can’t reconcile a loved one’s words or lack thereof with their accompanying actions. Imagine the confusion a child has when they *feel* something is wrong or is going on in their family, but nobody tells them what it is. Imagine the confusion when a child tries to articulate their sadness or they cry out for help only to be told that they are the one that has issues. Every human has issues that need to be dealt with. If we want to create a healthier, more loving world, we must seek our own truth, while learning to acknowledge and heal our emotional pain and that of our family.

Adults now

If you are an adult now, you can take responsibility for your emotions and issues. No matter what age you are, and no matter what your family history is, you can take responsibility. By this I mean, please begin finding ways to heal your emotional traumas and issues. This is the beginning of the path to self-love. We have to understand what we are, who we want to be, and what our family history of dysfunction really is. It is not your responsibility to heal other family members as that is not possible anyway. But you are 100% in control of what you want your life to look like. No matter what your background is, you are capable of healing and taking charge of your life. Awareness is key here. Once you become aware of what is really going on for you, you can create ways to change it. If you are still young enough to have to be in a dysfunctional family, you do have control over what you think about yourself. You control your thoughts once you are able to see what your thoughts are. I want to help young people create the life they want no matter how dysfunctional their family is. I want them to know that they feel unbalanced for a reason, but healing is completely possible. Feel free to contact me.

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