You are so much more than you were conditioned to believe

Written by Amie on September 11, 2013 – 12:27 am -

if something offends you, ask yourself what is it in you that is being triggered?

I feel a deep shift happening within me, and it feels incredible! I am not sure I will be able to describe it, but I’m going to give it a shot. First, I want to let you know two things. One is that I am going to talk about religion (in reference to my own experience), so if hearing others views of religion offends you, you may not want to read this. (however, my suggestion to you is that if something offends you, ask yourself what is it in you that is being triggered?) The second thing is that this post involves much more than just a brief talk about religion, so please keep reading. What I am feeling lately is that for years (who knows how long really?) people have been oppressed because the “higher up people” (i.e. priests, those in power, etc) do not want others to experience their true essence! It feels like the goal is to keep people from feeling the beauty and the power that is within each of us. I have thought about this before, but clarity and depth has come to me over the past week or so. I was raised in the Catholic church. As soon as I moved out on my own, I stopped going to church. Maybe I went for awhile out of guilt, but not for very long. When my kids were born, the guilt got me, and I let the guilt make the decision to have them baptized in the Catholic church. That is the last time they have stepped foot in the church. I regretted having them baptized. I also shunned anything even remotely resembling anything to do with religion. So, this new clarity has been very interesting to me. I am not religious at all in the traditional sense….however, I consider myself very connected to Divine Creation or Divine Energy, and I consider myself “god-like”, the same way I consider every single being in the universe!

I am simply done with believing that some people are better

I found this quote that expresses exactly how I feel. (remember this is my experience and my opinion) “One of the main functions of formalized religions is to protect people against a direct experience of God”~Carl Jung. Oh my goodness this resonates with me in a very deep “a-ha”kind of way. It all makes sense now. It’s a control thing. If people directly feel how magnificent (god-like) they are, those in control will no longer be in control. They wouldn’t have the leverage anymore. Therefore, the goal is to keep people oppressed, keep them believing they are sinners, they are bad. Telling people they will go to hell if they don’t comply with certain “rules” that “god himself ” (a whole other topic about god being a human, and a man) stated. In my opinion, hell is right here on earth for all people who are living in misery, living in a deep dark depression, beating themselves up for not being able to feel better.  I was in hell for years, thinking something was so very wrong with me.

the chosen ones

We have been led to believe that some people (those special few) are the chosen ones to “teach” the rest of us. Oh wow, this does not sit right with me at all! I hope it doesn’t sit well with anyone! I realize what I’m writing may strike a chord with people, and I’m okay with that. This is my blog to discuss my experiences and my thoughts, so here I am doing just that. As always, I hope that my words and experiences spark questions within those reading. I am simply done with believing the lie that some people are better or more enlightened or deserve more than anyone else. Here is what I know for sure. “You are not a drop in the ocean… You are the entire ocean in a drop.”~ Rumi  To me this means each and every one of us is magnificent and powerful beyond belief! Most of us have never had an inkling that this is true because we have been conditioned *away from* who we truly are! And, in this regard I am not just talking about religion. This conditioning comes from many sources. When we are children, it comes from our family because this is the way they were conditioned. It comes from teachers, priests, community leaders, etc. (and please realize, I don’t mean every single person in these positions! Obviously, there are wonderful nurturing, loving people in these positions as well) Until people question their beliefs, it continues to be passed on and on and on……QUESTION EVERYTHING!!!

“too big for their britches”

I realize I am saying things that many have been saying for years. But I need to write about it because the truth has resonated so deeply within me. I think about how many brilliant beautiful children are being conditioned to think something is deeply wrong with them, when in reality it is the adult or adults in their lives that feel threatened by this pure beauty. Therefore, the goal is to make sure the child doesn’t get “too big for their britches”. The goal is to make them never forget that the adult is in control and the child should feel lucky to “live under my roof”. I think about how many parents are emotionally triggered by their children, and then punish the child for being rude or disrespectful or a brat. All because the parent refuses to look at their own upbringing to ask themselves “WHY” is this bothering me so much? Children are brutally honest until they are taught that honesty is not okay. They are taught to “keep it to themselves”, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it”. The definition of “nice” being, “stop saying things that push my buttons, I don’t want to deal with my inner demons”. So, the cycle of “hide your truth” begins. Children receive the message that they do not deserve to be heard, so shut off your voice.

every single human and animal you come into contact with is a mirror for you

I feel very passionate about helping people “heal” from depression. I so badly want each and every human being to *know* instinctively how incredible they are. Your magnificence is just covered up by conditioning; false beliefs that you picked up from your surroundings. People ask me how I got rid of my depression. I truly can’t give them a checklist. It really starts with becoming aware of your thoughts, and becoming aware of the feelings those thoughts invoke within you. Becoming aware of the fact that every single human and animal you come into contact with is a mirror for you. Everyone mirrors back to you what things inside you need to be questioned and then healed.

It is time to stop this cycle! 

If you are suffering with depression, are there things in your life that you are not being truthful with yourself about? Are you listening to the voices (verbal and non-verbal) of others who reiterate that you need to dim your voice?Are you covering up your greatness in order to protect someone in your life from having to face their truth? We have been lied to! Over and over and over! It is time to stop this cycle! Depression is rampant because we are going along with the lies being fed to us. We are all capable of having miraculous lives. I promise you. Awareness, questioning, self-care, self-love,compassion for everyone,(especially those you were taught to hate), love, empathy, authenticity, truth, truth, truth. All of these things will begin falling into place as you begin to question your thoughts and beliefs, and make the decision that you will no longer believe the lie that there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you! You are magnificent! Depression is the mask for covering up your truth. Unveil your truth, little by little.

And one more thing

When one is willing to own their story, say their truth, and feel their pain, depression begins to lift. It is a process. This process will be like the waves in the ocean. It is a process of ebb and flow. Some days you will feel lighter and feel relief, and then you might feel heaviness and feel your feelings crashing and crashing.  Your true magnificence will begin to shine through once you voice your truth. Hiding and covering up what is true only keeps one trapped in the belief that something is wrong with you.




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Posted in Awareness, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self hate, Self-love | 1 Comment »

Depression and choosing to be alive

Written by Amie on June 23, 2010 – 8:10 pm -

My experience that might help others who are in deep depression

I would like to share this experience with you because I think it might help people that are in the deep dark places where depression can take us. I had this experience awhile back, but I was recently talking about it with a friend, and  thought it would be helpful to write about it here. I’ve written several times about how I have suffered with very deep depression. I say this because I want anyone reading this to know that I didn’t just have a “bout” of depression, so I really understand how debilitating it is.  I want to share this “ah-ha” moment because it really changed my thinking about feeling so depressed that you think you don’t want to be alive.

I didn’t think I wanted to be alive

I have been in that place several times. I have been in a place that I felt so depressed that I just wished I would die. I didn’t make any plans on how to do it, and honestly I would never do it. But, the fact is that I have felt bad enough that I thought that’s what I wanted. One night I was talking to my therapist, and I was feeling really really low. One question she asked me sparked hope within me. She asked me if I want to be alive. She asked me to put aside my emotions and how bad I was feeling, and just ask myself, “do I want to be alive?” There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be alive, which shocked me. I thought I didn’t want to be here, I have actually said those words before, “I don’t even want to be here”. But when she asked me that question there was no hesitation, the answer came without me even thinking about it. After I said I wanted to be here, I added the sentence, “but I don’t know how to be happy here”. This is the part I needed help with. I hope what I am writing makes sense. It may not sound like there is a difference, but there really is. It gave me hope knowing that I want to be here in this physical body right now. At the time, I really thought I didn’t want to be here. After she asked me the question, I actually gained hope. I had hope that since I wanted to be here, I could get help so that I could find ways to heal and find joy again. I know there are people who think they don’t really want to be here. My brother was one of them. He committed suicide over three years ago. Knowing what I know now, I really think down deep my brother wanted to stay here, but didn’t have the tools he needed in order to live here without suffering every day of his life. He gave up hope that he could ever find what he needed in order to feel joy.

Conforming can lead to self-destruction

I want to share my perspective because I want people to know that there are ways to heal depression. I wanted to share this specific experience because it gave me a new perspective. I have healed so much since the realization that I do want to be alive. I have worked hard on healing my past wounds that were debilitating me. In my last post, I wrote about how we learn to hide our truth in order to fit in or to gain love and acceptance. It is not always easy to break out of these self destructive habits. For me, I had to remind myself VERY often that my negative thoughts were not true. These negative thoughts and habits were conditioned non-truths. As children we learn to conform to what the adults around us need. As we grow, we get into the habit of conforming to what our peers are doing, what our society is doing, etc. We learn to look outside of ourselves hoping to find what we need. We learn to quiet the voice inside of us that is revealing our truth. We conform to fit the mold of what others need us to be. Depression happens when our truth is completely buried, and we get to the point of barely having any emotions at all. We shut down. Often times, anger is alive within us, but we don’t allow ourselves to even express that. Anger is present because it allows us to hide all of the hurt that we repressed when we were busy blocking our truth. Many people finally explode with the anger, sometimes lashing out at others. Some people may internalize the anger and let it eat them alive until they can’t take it anymore. They lash out at themselves rather than let themselves *feel* the repressed truth within them. They don’t allow themselves to *feel* what is really going on in their body. It can feel overwhelming at first since many of us never learned how to express emotion in the first place.

Reminding myself that emotion is energy

When I first learned that I did in fact,  have other emotions than just anger, I was surprised to learn that emotions are energy. It is the *story* we tell ourselves *about* the emotions we are having that make things more difficult. When I allow myself to just feel the emotion (energy) moving through my body, and acknowledge what I am feeling in my body and where I feel it, the energy moves along. Releasing this energy is a huge relief. It is when I try to figure out *why* it is there, or what happened to make me feel a certain way that I complicate my experience. Let it flow! Most of us have learned to be afraid of emotions. We have learned that they must be bad since we were not allowed to feel our truth or express it. Expressing ourselves has everything to do with wanting to be alive, and allowing ourselves to *feel* our “aliveness”. When we repress emotion, we are repressing *who we are*. When we repress who we are, we are sending ourselves the message that we don’t matter. The truth is we absolutely *do* matter, and everyone has the right to express themselves and to be who they are.

Learning how to be who you are and choosing to be alive!

The night that I realized I wanted to be alive, I knew I needed to work hard on allowing myself the space to be who I truly am. I would no longer just agree to doing things if my body was screaming to me, “NO”. Each time I was asked to do something, or asked my opinion, I learned to stop and check in with myself first. Then I would give an answer. Each time I listened to what was true for me in that moment, I was giving myself the true messages that would replace the old negative untruths. It takes practice, so give yourself the space and the compassion and patience you deserve. Each time I allow my truth to be heard, I take back some of my inner power that was given away. This post ended up being longer than I thought it would, but I hope it helps to give hope to those suffering with depression. There is always hope, I promise you. I didn’t go into every single thing I do in order to restore my truth, but I have in past posts, and I would be glad to talk to anyone that wants more detail. Please feel free to e-mail me from the home page. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, please get help right away.

Embracing your inner acceptance, “Affirmations”, by Harold Becker, The Love Foundation.


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Posted in Depression, Kids/teenagers and depression, Self-love | No Comments »