I must feel my anger in order to get to forgiveness

Written by Amie on March 24, 2010 – 2:00 am -

Repressed feelings turn to unexpressed anger then depression

I remember being told very early on that depression is anger turned inside out. My definition of depression is repression of feelings turns to unexpressed anger which turns to depression. Same thing? I don’t know, maybe. All I know is that up until a few months ago, each time I would start to process anger, I would feel a bunch of guilt that would shut my anger back down. I learned very early on that expressing feelings is not a good thing. Therefore, guilt was associated with my expression of anger. That nasty little bitchy voice in my head would say that I shouldn’t feel a certain way! When I believed that nasty voice, I was believing that I didn’t have a right to be angry. I know better now. Everyone has a right to be angry and to express themselves. Everyone. There is not anything to feel guilty about. Processing anger can be done without the presence of the person or people we are angry with. It is the acknowledging and FEELING that is the important part. Spewing anger at someone does nothing except make them think you are crazy! We wouldn’t have so much anger if we would have felt safe enough to express ourselves at the time we have feelings. Holding them in until later is what usually creates anger.

Repressing anger is a survival skill

So, 99.9% of us have repressed anger I would say, right? How many people learned that it was OK and safe to express your true feelings? How many people were encouraged to be true to who we are? It is no wonder that most people don’t have a clue as to who they are! How could they, they were told to basically hide it starting from a young age. Thank goodness our survival skills kick in and teach us how to cope to get through. Can you feel my anger through my post? Most likely you can. I have been processing a lot of anger lately, and it feels really empowering! It has made me see that I am completely finished playing the game of charades! I will be who I am and if someone doesn’t like it, too damn bad!

I can’t just skip right to forgiveness, and that’s OK

The conclusion came to me the other day that I can’t go to forgiveness until I go through my feelings of anger first. I kept trying to forgive the people I am angry with, instead of allowing myself the time and permission to just be furious. The bitchy voice kept judging me saying that I “should” just forgive, and “you are wasting time” thinking about all of this. Well, once again I decided to shut that voice down. She has no place in my head anymore. Sorry, the door is closed to that chapter. Will she creep back in? Sure, she will try, but I am ready for her. I like to cuss her out now. It is very empowering! That voice is not ME, it is NOT true, it is the collective dysfunction I learned in order to survive. This is true for most of us. Shut that voice down, give your true self a louder voice than the bitchy one.

No more guilt,shame and lies! The GIG is up!

I am tired of guilt, shame, and lies, and I am refusing to play the game anymore. I have had enough!  The coping skills from my childhood are no longer needed. The anger I feel is allowed to be felt, and I am allowed to be really pissed off at people that I feel have wronged me. It is OK to not have compassion for them right now. At some point I will, most likely. But for right now, I am processing my anger, which means getting in touch with feelings that were buried. Hard work? Very hard, but also incredibly liberating!! Giving myself permission is a gift that I will keep giving to myself.

Where is the anger in my body? Getting in touch with the sensations of the feelings

Getting in touch with what is under the anger is sometimes tricky. Mostly because we have learned to push our true feelings away. So, for me I can only process these feelings when the anger feels alive in my body. I do this work with my therapist, or just by myself in a place that I feel safe. When the anger hits I feel the sensations in my body. I remind myself that I don’t need to know why this, or why that. I just keep going with body sensations. For example, my stomach feels like a rubber band is squishing it. It feels like a metal ball just sitting in the same spot waiting to explode. Soon I get to the part when I ask that metal ball to speak to me, tell me what it wants to say. I know, this sounds bizarre maybe, but it works so well! My body always knows what my mind doesn’t want to know. The important thing is to keep breathing.  Breathe, while also kicking the judgmental bitchy voice out!

angry-woman

I am in an angry place, and I kinda like it!

I am just in an angry place right now, and that’s OK. It really infuriates me to think of all the times I was taught to shut down my true self. It angers me to think I have to fight with what I thought was my real self. I have to tell that voice to shut up. What a waste of time! If we could all be nurtured from the start, taught how to feel our true emotions, loved for who we really are, encouraged to express ourselves, and know in no uncertain terms that we are loved just for being alive, I believe we would all be emotionally healthy. When I write this, I hope that it won’t make people feel guilty about their parenting. I hope that it gives people inspiration to heal themselves emotionally  so that they can be better parents to themselves and to their children, no matter what age their children are. It is never too late to heal yourself from the emotional dysfunction that society encourages.

You are a gift to the world!

Nurture yourself today! Heal yourself, and you contribute to the well being of the whole world! Trust yourself, love yourself! You are loved just because you are alive! You are a gift to the world no matter what message you learned as a young person! You control the judgmental voice in your head, you really do, I promise! Cuss it out like never before! Talk to it like nobody’s business! Give yourself permission to FEEL., it is your right to do so. You are a precious gift to the world, and the world is a better place because YOU are here! Love to you all!

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