Healing depression, preconceived beliefs, and dog’s fears?

Written by Amie on October 15, 2009 – 1:15 am -

New trashcans!

I have a dog that is pretty fearful. We aren’t really sure why, or what happened to him as a puppy, but something made him become very fearful. He is afraid of new people, new surroundings, new trashcans, new everything. I had to add the trashcans, because honestly, he is afraid of new trashcans, or just old ones he has never seen before!  He has been quite a challenge in our family, but at heart, he is very sweet. So, anyway, we are trying to see life through his eyes. I was taking him for a walk yesterday, and while I was observing the trees, the grass, the blacktop, etc., I thought about how interesting it would be to look at my surroundings and my experiences all as they are brand new.

Story vs. Helpful Information

I took this a step further and decided that for the day, I would drop any preconceived stories, beliefs, or feelings I have about things that I experienced for the day. I think this post ties in with my last one about added commentary. I realized how I have a story for just about everything! I think it was in Eckhart Tolle’s book  A New Earth, that he talks about putting labels on everything. We call a tree a tree, a bird a bird, etc. I noticed that I even make up stories, or had preconceived beliefs about why someone is driving too fast, why a neighbor is cutting down a tree, what my reaction will be if a dog runs out of a house and scares my dog etc. I do realize that some of these stories are needed. It is helpful to know which houses the dogs are that will run down the driveway, as it is helpful to know other information from experience.

A continuous loop

However, I realized what a habit it is to tell ourselves stories. I know I have talked about this before, but since I did this little experiment, I thought it was worth sharing. I know that I have come a very long way in terms of having stories playing in a continuous loop in my head. I really thought they were almost non-existent! Ha! Many of them are alive and well! I will say that most of the negative commentary about myself is gone, but I do have many stories playing in my head. I see that many of the stories are about my needs. I do have a strong need to feel safe, which is tied to so many other things going on with me. I don’t like surprise, such as a dog running down a driveway out of nowhere that scares me to death! I like to know what to expect in most situations, I am one that needs to ease into change, I don’t transition quickly!

Guideposts

So, anyway, back to my experiment. Hopefully this isn’t jumping around too much! It was such a wake-up call to me to see how many stories I make up as I go along. Also, if I have experienced something just one time before, I have a story about it. I know this is how we figure out our world, like a baby does. We have to have some guideposts, so to speak. But, wow, it would be so nice to be able to erase some of these stories, and just start fresh whenever we want to. Which, come to find out, is possible!

Short term memory?

Here I am pondering again. I am thinking how my dog can go for a walk, come back, and if I offered him another walk 5 minutes later, he is ready to go as if he has never gone. I guess his short term memory is not so great? I don’t know. But then, something that happened to him as a puppy stays with him and creates a habit of reacting the same way to certain stimuli. Not that humans are like dogs, but I can see how patterns set early on, can be tricky to change. Tricky, but not impossible.

The Abyss

I never thought I would ever feel “recovered”, so to speak from depression, but I do. I still have some bad days, but I don’t fall into the deep abyss that sucked me up in the past. I look at my dog, and I realize that he deserves compassion. He gives me compassion and unconditional love, no questions asked. We all deserve this. We have been conditioned, just like my dog was, but we have the capacity to heal. Just like I am helping Owen (my dog) become more accustomed to new ways of looking at things, we can all do the same.  By becoming aware of the stories we create, we can change our beliefs and thoughts. I promise you, you can do it.  I did this “questioning of my stories” early on in my healing from depression journey. Each time I became aware of a negative story, I had to say the story out loud, and then I made the decision as to whether it was still true in my life. If I answered “yes”, it is still true, I made myself show proof. I would use Byron Katie’s process of “the work”. I would ask myself Is it true? If yes,”how do I know it is true”? I would challenge myself to prove it. Most of the time, I couldn’t. Therefore, even though I still “thought” the negative story about myself was true, I decided that it doesn’t fit who I want to be anymore. So, I made up a new story, and I repeated it many times a day for as long as I needed to. Yes, it took work, but it is worth it! We are all worth it!

Byron Katie’s “Unconditional love happens in a questioned mind”

Where did this story come from?

This post kind of feels like it is skipping around, but, well, I have said that many times, haven’t I? I just want you to know that just because we have been using the same stories about ourselves for many years, DOES NOT make them true! It was not simple to change my story, but once I realized that I didn’t know where most of my stories came from, it became easier to release them. I even went as far as writing them down, and then burning the piece of paper as a release of the stories. Did they creep back in? Sure, sometimes, but I became like a gatekeeper to my mind. As I mentioned above, I still have stories, but the difference now is that I am actually aware of them. They used to play on autopilot in my mind, and I never noticed. I just felt horrible most of the time. I couldn’t verbalize the messages and stories for quite awhile. It really does take vigilance and awareness.

Seeing through new eyes

My experiment was helpful because it allowed me to step back and just let my mind take a quiet rest. I allowed myself to look at things like they were fresh and new. I tried really hard to look at old situations with new eyes. People I “know” and have seen many times became new to me. It was really fun to just look at people, and try to just see past their “stories”, my stories, and whatever circumstances were present, and just be there with them. I didn’t let anyone know I was doing this. And, I made sure that I told the inner judge to take the day off. If it tried to chime in, I gently reminded it that it had the day off. Not resisting it, but gently acknowledging it, and then letting it go. It is a practice to be with my fearful dog without getting frustrated at every turn, but I am going to treat myself the same way I want to treat him. I want to be compassionate, non-judgmental, and very present.

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How self love can grow when we are able to really see ourselves

Written by Amie on September 19, 2009 – 2:50 pm -

Look yourself  in the eyes

How many times have you really looked at yourself? I mean moving your face so that you are just an inch or two from the mirror? It sounds like it would be nothing to do this, but I was shocked at how I felt when I did it. I look in the mirror everyday, multiple times a day. However, I was not really seeing my aliveness. I decided that I wanted to see myself up close and directly in the eyes. This was hard for me to do. I tried to figure out why it felt so scary to do. I soon realized that when I wasn’t really “seeing” me, it was easier to be mean to myself. When I looked right into my eyes, I felt love for myself. Not sure if I am being really clear, but I will keep trying!

woman looking in mirror blur

See my aliveness

It is the same exercise when you are really listening to another person. You aren’t thinking of what you will say next, you are truly seeing them and hearing them. Do you notice that when you do this, you can see a certain light in their eyes? I think of this as aliveness. When I am truly seeing someone for who they are, I see the aliveness in their eyes. The same thing happened when I looked in the mirror to look for my own aliveness. I thought this would be an easy thing to do, but it isn’t. Try it, and see how you feel.

The eyes are a window into the soul

The more I practice this, the more I can feel my self love grow. I really think it has something to do with the fact that I am only seeing “me”. I am not looking at my body, critiquing it, I am not judging my hair or my face, I am just seeing “me”. I never really thought to give myself the same treatment that I give others when I am listening to them. I thought that when I look in the mirror, I see me.  I know that I am not my body, but still, when we look in the mirror, we expect to see ourselves. However, I now know from my own experience, that the real me, my true aliveness, is within my eyes. Now I really believe the quote that says something about how our eyes are a window into our soul.

This practice allows me to be kind to myself

By looking at the true me in my eyes, it is easier for me to be kind to myself. I am thinking of carrying a small mirror around at all times, so that I can check in with myself! Not really, but it is tempting, because this feels like a whole new level of communication with my true self. This practice also helps me to remind myself to just be ok with where I am right now in this moment. Until I did this exercise, I am really not sure if I ever saw my true self. I may have thought that I did, but I don’t think I did. When I look into my eyes, I see things that I didn’t know were there. When I looked deep into my eyes, I noticed that my eyes look similar to my brother’s. I never noticed that our eyes looked similar. It gave me a connected feeling to him, because I can no longer see him since he passed away. That made me feel really happy. I encourage you to try this exercise, it is not as easy as it sounds, but it gets easier and feels better and better the more you do it. It is one more way to practice being present with yourself.

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