Digging to find the truth

Written by Amie on January 30, 2009 – 2:36 am -

digging-100x200

 

The Real Me

Until fairly recently, I truly believed that all of the thoughts and beliefs I held about myself made up the real me. Everything that happened to me, every thought about myself, anything that I was told as a child was “ME”. I didn’t know to question this.  Wow, what an awakening this has been!  To realize that the ME I thought I was, and the true ME are not anything alike!  This concept was not easy to grasp. Oh, the stories we tell ourselves, and the stories we believe about ourselves!

The Truth

The truth is that the real me, the authentic me, has been there all along, patiently waiting for me to come back to it. The voice of true unconditional love resides in all of us. Unfortunately, it gets buried sometimes. If we ever felt like we were not accepted for our true self, we may have buried that part of us. Little by little, parts of our authentic self were put away, until the time comes when we aren’t even sure who that authentic self is. I remember being confused when someone would ask me what I enjoy doing, or what my interests are. I didn’t always have an answer, and I am still digging to unbury those parts of me. Part of my very deep depressions stemmed from burying my true self. I could not distinguish myself from others. I became what others needed me to be, not who I really am. I also hid my authentic self, which also meant hiding my true feelings. My true self was not accepted, so I shut it down. I also stopped believing in uncondtional love.

Sensitive self

I am an extremely sensitive person, which I believe is a gift. That part of me was never looked at as a positive thing. I am proud of that part of me now. I am a compassionate, empathetic, loving person. The other day I was able to really see that side of myself, and I felt giddy with excitement. My kids and I were out playing in the snow, and I saw a bird fly into a tree. I started worrying about the birds not being able to find enough food since it was so icy and snowy. I ran into the house and got a bunch of birdseed and dug out a large space to put it in. I also put some in other places on trays so that the birds could get to it. This sounds like no big deal, but it really triggered something inside me. I remembered as a young girl that I loved animals so much, and felt so compassionate about them. I wanted to save any strays, help the ones that were hurt, etc. This side of me was not nurtured. I really had tears of joy when I thought about how I CAN nurture that part of me, I can feed all the animals that I want to, and I feel proud of myself for being so sensitive to the needs of others. A positive thing! Another layer of myself uncovered. 

The truth is always there

I feel so much stronger knowing that the truth of who I am is always with me. When I am feeling down, I remind myself that I can plug into that truth anytime. Meditating brings me to this truth as well.  I am not the stories that I tell myself or the thoughts that others have about me. The truth is I am loved for exactly who I am, the authenthic self that was afraid to be exposed. As I uncover my authentic self  little by little, I celebrate those parts of me. I will not be afraid to be who I really am, instead, I feel proud of myself.  Unconditional love and acceptance are there for us to tap into, and they are always accessible. Trust it.

Share

Tags:
Posted in Depression, Meditation, Nurture yourself | No Comments »
RSS