You are so much more than you were conditioned to believe

Written by Amie on September 11, 2013 – 12:27 am -

if something offends you, ask yourself what is it in you that is being triggered?

I feel a deep shift happening within me, and it feels incredible! I am not sure I will be able to describe it, but I’m going to give it a shot. First, I want to let you know two things. One is that I am going to talk about religion (in reference to my own experience), so if hearing others views of religion offends you, you may not want to read this. (however, my suggestion to you is that if something offends you, ask yourself what is it in you that is being triggered?) The second thing is that this post involves much more than just a brief talk about religion, so please keep reading. What I am feeling lately is that for years (who knows how long really?) people have been oppressed because the “higher up people” (i.e. priests, those in power, etc) do not want others to experience their true essence! It feels like the goal is to keep people from feeling the beauty and the power that is within each of us. I have thought about this before, but clarity and depth has come to me over the past week or so. I was raised in the Catholic church. As soon as I moved out on my own, I stopped going to church. Maybe I went for awhile out of guilt, but not for very long. When my kids were born, the guilt got me, and I let the guilt make the decision to have them baptized in the Catholic church. That is the last time they have stepped foot in the church. I regretted having them baptized. I also shunned anything even remotely resembling anything to do with religion. So, this new clarity has been very interesting to me. I am not religious at all in the traditional sense….however, I consider myself very connected to Divine Creation or Divine Energy, and I consider myself “god-like”, the same way I consider every single being in the universe!

I am simply done with believing that some people are better

I found this quote that expresses exactly how I feel. (remember this is my experience and my opinion) “One of the main functions of formalized religions is to protect people against a direct experience of God”~Carl Jung. Oh my goodness this resonates with me in a very deep “a-ha”kind of way. It all makes sense now. It’s a control thing. If people directly feel how magnificent (god-like) they are, those in control will no longer be in control. They wouldn’t have the leverage anymore. Therefore, the goal is to keep people oppressed, keep them believing they are sinners, they are bad. Telling people they will go to hell if they don’t comply with certain “rules” that “god himself ” (a whole other topic about god being a human, and a man) stated. In my opinion, hell is right here on earth for all people who are living in misery, living in a deep dark depression, beating themselves up for not being able to feel better.  I was in hell for years, thinking something was so very wrong with me.

the chosen ones

We have been led to believe that some people (those special few) are the chosen ones to “teach” the rest of us. Oh wow, this does not sit right with me at all! I hope it doesn’t sit well with anyone! I realize what I’m writing may strike a chord with people, and I’m okay with that. This is my blog to discuss my experiences and my thoughts, so here I am doing just that. As always, I hope that my words and experiences spark questions within those reading. I am simply done with believing the lie that some people are better or more enlightened or deserve more than anyone else. Here is what I know for sure. “You are not a drop in the ocean… You are the entire ocean in a drop.”~ Rumi  To me this means each and every one of us is magnificent and powerful beyond belief! Most of us have never had an inkling that this is true because we have been conditioned *away from* who we truly are! And, in this regard I am not just talking about religion. This conditioning comes from many sources. When we are children, it comes from our family because this is the way they were conditioned. It comes from teachers, priests, community leaders, etc. (and please realize, I don’t mean every single person in these positions! Obviously, there are wonderful nurturing, loving people in these positions as well) Until people question their beliefs, it continues to be passed on and on and on……QUESTION EVERYTHING!!!

“too big for their britches”

I realize I am saying things that many have been saying for years. But I need to write about it because the truth has resonated so deeply within me. I think about how many brilliant beautiful children are being conditioned to think something is deeply wrong with them, when in reality it is the adult or adults in their lives that feel threatened by this pure beauty. Therefore, the goal is to make sure the child doesn’t get “too big for their britches”. The goal is to make them never forget that the adult is in control and the child should feel lucky to “live under my roof”. I think about how many parents are emotionally triggered by their children, and then punish the child for being rude or disrespectful or a brat. All because the parent refuses to look at their own upbringing to ask themselves “WHY” is this bothering me so much? Children are brutally honest until they are taught that honesty is not okay. They are taught to “keep it to themselves”, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it”. The definition of “nice” being, “stop saying things that push my buttons, I don’t want to deal with my inner demons”. So, the cycle of “hide your truth” begins. Children receive the message that they do not deserve to be heard, so shut off your voice.

every single human and animal you come into contact with is a mirror for you

I feel very passionate about helping people “heal” from depression. I so badly want each and every human being to *know* instinctively how incredible they are. Your magnificence is just covered up by conditioning; false beliefs that you picked up from your surroundings. People ask me how I got rid of my depression. I truly can’t give them a checklist. It really starts with becoming aware of your thoughts, and becoming aware of the feelings those thoughts invoke within you. Becoming aware of the fact that every single human and animal you come into contact with is a mirror for you. Everyone mirrors back to you what things inside you need to be questioned and then healed.

It is time to stop this cycle! 

If you are suffering with depression, are there things in your life that you are not being truthful with yourself about? Are you listening to the voices (verbal and non-verbal) of others who reiterate that you need to dim your voice?Are you covering up your greatness in order to protect someone in your life from having to face their truth? We have been lied to! Over and over and over! It is time to stop this cycle! Depression is rampant because we are going along with the lies being fed to us. We are all capable of having miraculous lives. I promise you. Awareness, questioning, self-care, self-love,compassion for everyone,(especially those you were taught to hate), love, empathy, authenticity, truth, truth, truth. All of these things will begin falling into place as you begin to question your thoughts and beliefs, and make the decision that you will no longer believe the lie that there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you! You are magnificent! Depression is the mask for covering up your truth. Unveil your truth, little by little.

And one more thing

When one is willing to own their story, say their truth, and feel their pain, depression begins to lift. It is a process. This process will be like the waves in the ocean. It is a process of ebb and flow. Some days you will feel lighter and feel relief, and then you might feel heaviness and feel your feelings crashing and crashing.  Your true magnificence will begin to shine through once you voice your truth. Hiding and covering up what is true only keeps one trapped in the belief that something is wrong with you.




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Posted in Awareness, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self hate, Self-love | 1 Comment »

Becoming aware of the truth of your inner voice

Written by Amie on September 2, 2013 – 4:48 pm -

“I made it to adulthood and I am fine”

I was meditating this morning and a very strong insight came to me about how we learn the message very early on to dim our light. We are all born shining radiantly and feeling very connected to divine energy (or whatever label you choose to give it). As a baby grows and gets older, she is given many messages that in a subtle way (but not always subtle) tell her she is shining too bright and she needs to tone down her brightness. (This is not always true, so I don’t want to sound as though I think this is true for every single person. There are some conscious adults who treat children respectfully) Based on my experience and my experiences with others, I feel so much truth in this. I want to start out by saying it is nobody’s fault that this happens. This is the way our society has been programmed and conditioned for quite some time now. Until each person is willing to take responsibility for their experience and heal their inner world, it continues to be passed from one generation to the next. It is not uncommon for people to say, “this way worked for me, I made it to adulthood and I am fine, I turned out okay, you have it better than I did, so something must be working”. This may be true to some degree, but my question is, “what is your baseline?” What criteria does one use for measuring and defining, “turned out okay”?

the agenda, or curriculum, is to make sure we *don’t* feel how powerful we really are!

Before I go off on that tangent, I want to stay with my meditation experience and the insight I gained. On some very deep level, I received the message that we, as humans ,were taught beginning many generations ago, that our power is scary. We were taught to hide the power that is in every single one of us. It seems we were taught to look away from our divine connection, to dim the light so as not to shine too brightly around other people. It seems the agenda or curriculum is to make sure we *don’t* feel how powerful we really are! I imagine how shiny and happy and full of light a new baby is. And for awhile this may continue. It seems to continue until the child starts pushing buttons (subconsciously)  that emotionally trigger the adults, parents, etc. This creates anger and/or fear in the adult. Rather than acknowledging this, the adult may “blame” the child for being “bad”, or wanting to “make things difficult for me”, or “he is just ornery”, or “she is too sensitive or too dramatic”, or he is “strong willed”. (and the list goes on! All ways of dimming the child’s light in hopes that the child will stop calling attention to the adult’s wounds). Not to mention in many cases, the child may be punished, creating more damage to the already dimmed light. All punishment (physical, mental, emotional, verbal) hurts the child, and dims their light.  

not experts at all

The beginning of the dimming is the moment a parent or caregiver decides to go against their own inner knowing and cling to the unhealthy messages they themselves were conditioned with. It is not unusual to hear a parent say something like, “I really wanted to hold my baby all day but the doctor said this is bad,” or “my parents said that would spoil the baby.” So, instead of listening to that inner knowing (that radiant inner voice we were all born with) some may go along with what “the expert” says, or with what the society has deemed “normal” and “healthy”, because this is how many people have been conditioned. Listen to everyone else around you and doubt or ignore your inner voice. One thing I try to remember is that most “experts” who claim to be experts may not really be experts at all.  They may be other wounded human beings who have not yet dealt with their own inner issues. This is another reason to listen to your own inner voice. Listen to what feels true to you. We can listen to other people, but the bottom line is that we need to gauge their information against our own inner voice to see what is best for us.

respond in the present time, rather than reacting from our own emotional wounding

This is one way the conditioned behavior of dimming one’s light is passed on to the next generation. The baby or child is crying (not always literally) for what they need, and the caregiver reacts to them from their own wounded self, rather than the inner light of knowing; the light they were taught to ignore. Emotionally wounded adults have to work very hard to be able to respond to others’ needs in a conscious way. It takes someone who is willing to be a work in progress to be able to respond in a healthy way. In order to meet the needs of a child or anyone really, we have to be willing to see them, hear them, and respond in the present time, rather than reacting from our own emotional wounding. As adults, the “crying” continues in ways that are unacceptable or in our world. The “crying out for help” is looked upon as weakness by other emotionally wounded adults. The “crying” is the adult who is always angry, who explodes in rage, who takes to drinking, eating, or shopping (many other outlets as well) excessively, or who submits to others in hopes of getting what they need. The adult who is crying to get their needs met by something other than the inner voice they no longer feel intimate with because they were taught to ignore it!

We have been so deeply conditioned

This happens generation after generation until people learn to trust their inner guidance and to trust that their own inner light is safe to follow. We have been so deeply conditioned. I do believe people are feeling this misalignment, but many aren’t sure how to change it. The pattern runs deep. Think about it, you were taught that your beautiful radiant self is too much for other people to handle, so you need to turn a part of yourself off. The moment you accept this message, you begin to lose who you really are. And the more you accept this message, the more you ignore your inner voice, and the more you change who you are to try to fit others’ definition of who you should be. Ignoring the inner voice that is the same voice of the divine energy in which you were created! Your lifeline! Your life force! We have been so conditioned to believe that others know better than we do about ourselves! We are being conditioned by other people who have also been wounded and are coming from a false sense of self! (assuming they haven’t done their own healing work) In this way, dysfunction is passed on from generation to generation until these false beliefs are questioned and healed. The theme seems to be, “this is the way we’ve always done it.” We accept this because our inner light is so dim (or sometimes almost extinguished), that we are unable to hear it. This light will never burn out, even when your physical body dies. But it can become very very dim. Your light will continue to send you messages no matter how dim it becomes. It will continue trying to get your attention, trying to wake you up from the conditioned belief that it is right to go against your inner light.  You may be unable to hear these little zaps of truth.


This is the cause of depression. We dim our light so that others will be more comfortable and to keep our truth at bay. Keeping your truth at bay is hard work, and also taking responsibility for your truth is hard work. Self-hate becomes the standard because how can you love yourself if you are going against who you really are? How can you love yourself if you also feel you are failing what you have been taught is “normal”. We keep telling ourselves we shouldn’t be depressed, we shouldn’t be angry, we shouldn’t be disappointed, we shouldn’t be longing for something more, we should be independent, we shouldn’t crave connection. Even when we say we crave connection, do we act on it? Many people are afraid. I was one of those people, and still am at times for sure. They are afraid they will seem needy or clingy or others will think of them as weak. So our basic human nature of being vulnerable is masked at all costs. It is so common in our culture to apologize if we cry or become upset. As if we are bothering others by being human! Think about all of the conditioned behaviors in our culture. Most of them perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction. Think about the messages that are sent to the victims in our world. So many receive the message that it is their fault what happens to them and that they need to forgive and get over it. Is it surprising that so many people are depressed and unhappy and unfulfilled?We have been conditioned to believe that being human equals being an emotionless robot! Starting from a young age we hear, “you are fine, stop crying”, or “you just have to deal with it, it’s the way it is”, etc. etc. etc. This indoctrination continues on UNTIL YOU QUESTION EVERYTHING!!!!!!

be curious as to why it is “normal” to go against what you *know* 

Humans are naturally curious! Ask yourself questions, be curious as to why it is “normal” to go against what you *know* in your body. Ask yourself, “when did I start believing that someone else knows me better than I know myself or my child?” Ask yourself, “why is it normal for children to be taught to keep their opinions, thoughts, and feelings to themselves when it comes to emotional situations especially?” Why does it scare adults or make them uncomfortable when a child points out a truth about an adult? Why are children not being taught that there is a divine connection they are tethered to 24/7 that uses their inner voice to help them have a spectacular life!? (I am not talking about religious indoctrination). When did you agree to go along with the expert advice to stop listening to yourself and to stop listening to the children in your life? Why is it okay to treat those younger than you with disrespect? Why has it become okay to look at children as though they are a liability in our lives rather than the incredible teaching beings they truly are? Ask yourself, “when did I stop trusting my inner guidance? And when will I make the choice to want to feel better?”

Depression is repression of yourself, all experiences that were traumatic, including the traumatic experience of accepting the message that your true self should be turned off. (Please know I am in no way making abusive situations into a minor detail in depression, not at all) Depression means ignoring that inner voice that is telling you something is off, something is very off.

This has gotten really long, so I think I will continue later with ways to get your inner light shining bright again so that it radiates so strongly it can’t be missed. Big big love to all. Remember you are loved every second of your life no matter what. The big love is in that inner light right inside you, right now.  


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Posted in Awareness, Connection, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Kids/teenagers and depression, Mindful/respectful parenting, Self hate | No Comments »