Fighting against my inner knowing

Written by Amie on July 1, 2014 – 3:19 am -

What is alive in me today? 

I try to remember to ask myself this every day. Needless to say, this doesn’t always work out. And that’s okay, tomorrow is another opportunity. So when I asked myself this question today, what came to mind is a different perspective on why so many of us have suffered with depression. I will say this again, I strongly believe depression is a gift when we are willing to look inside ourselves to do the work involved with discovering our truth. And also, let me say this, depression did not feel like a gift to me for a very long time! It felt like death. I want to be clear about those thoughts because I want you to have hope that you can feel better. Finding your truth, speaking it and then embodying it is the best gift ever. I believe discovering the truth of who and what we really are is the reason we are in these physical bodies on this earth. Okay, I’m sort of going off on a tangent here as usual,lol. But these things are very important for me to keep saying to you. Keep digging, keep going back inside yourself to discover your truth. I promise you, you will be overwhelmed with love for yourself after you clear away the clutter that doesn’t belong to you. You were born pure love, and your job is to peel away the layers to come back to your truth.

 fighting against my heart and my external world

The different perspective is this. My depression was so deep because I was in a constant battle with trying to fight against my inner knowing. I had a *knowing* that information, experiences, situations, people in my life were not matching up to my truth inside. Hopefully this makes sense. Some things that come to mind are; unhealthy chemical filled food is the norm, children being treated disrespectfully and people accept it, prescription drugs being handed out like candy, women being abused, raped, etc., animals being abused, people spewing their emotional pain onto others. I know I am a sensitive person. I mean this in a very positive way, so if you have been called sensitive or “over sensitive”, this is a very positive trait. It means you are compassionate and full of so much empathy for others. It is just not a trait that is encouraged in our culture right now. (it is becoming more so, but that’s another subject too,lol) So what I mean by this is that I was constantly fighting against my heart and my external world. I *know* we are meant to love and be loved. So when I come across people who do or say mean things or treat each other badly, it hurts my heart. In a very deep way. At the beginning of my journey, however, I thought there was something wrong with me when I felt strong compassion and sometimes pain for others and for certain situations. I was taught that I was just too sensitive. I know differently now. I know it is not our purpose to be here on this earth to harm each other, to harm the earth, to hate ourselves, to hate others, to project our pain onto others. I know this deep within me. So it was (and still is) very difficult to be an empathic, sensitive caring soul in this world sometimes. And to feel we have to protect ourselves by sometimes pretending we are not this way, is a very very depressing thing to have to do. It is repressing our truth.

Discover your beautiful *real* truth

At the beginning of my journey, I did not see things this way. I thought something was wrong with me that I couldn’t handle “the real world” so to speak. Now I know this is *not* the *real* world. This is a dysfunctional way of living that has sadly become the norm. But the wonderful news is that the more you do your work of discovering your truth, the more love comes into the world! Each of us that is doing our own healing work is contributing to the health of our world! Each of us has a job, and that is to do our work. Heal our wounds. Discover your beautiful *real* truth. I promise you, you are pure love. The more you feel your wounds and process your pain, the more your truth can be felt. The easier you are on yourself, the more you love yourself, the less you have to fight against the crazy external world. Be in *your* world. Fight *FOR* your truth. Begin looking at your life and asking yourself two things, “what is alive in me”, and “what truth am I pushing away so that I can hide my true self?”  It is scary to start reveal your true self. But it is empowering and it will make you begin to feel alive again. Turn off anything you can that does not feed you. Find things that nurture you. Be gentle on yourself. Discover what feels good to you. Begin saying no to the things that suck your truth our of you. Become aware of what you are fighting against. Talk to yourself. When you feel a strong aversion to something and it hurts your heart, pay attention to that. There is nothing wrong with you, there is everything wrong with dysfunction. Begin taking care of your true self. That sweet beautiful soul you are.

Start with self-care

Start with small steps, and tell yourself you are doing great, and that your love is radiating the world. Start with self-care. Doing things for others will happen later once you have built up your own reservoir of self-love. I understand we all have daily obligations that may involve caring for others. But I am encouraging you to find ways to nurture YOU, to care for YOU. Make a list of things that feel nurturing. Start each day by telling yourself, “I am pure love”. Find a short mantra to recite to yourself to help train your mind to go to loving thoughts rather than self-hate. My mind was trained to go to thoughts that berated me, thoughts that I had picked up from experiences in my life that told me I deserved to be treated this way. My job was/is to question these thoughts, and to discover the sometimes subtle ways they came into my life. This is the healing work that needs to be done in order to see the gift of depression. We must feel our truth, process our truth, speak our truth and embody our truth, all while learning to treat ourselves with unconditional love and kindness. The way we were meant to live. All of our experiences are learning experiences. They are most definitely not always simple. Healing depression is absolutely possible. Healing depression means finding your truth. It means processing your life experiences, and discovering the lessons in them. And the most important thing of all is learning to love your beautiful true self. When you are able to see the contrast between what your soul knows, what your true self is all about, the fighting against anything will stop. Yes, those things will probably still be around, but you will no longer feel the need to hide yourself away, you will no longer need to fight.

How can you show yourself love today? What truth can you say today? What is one small thing in your life that you strongly dislike? What makes you feel alive, even if it is just something you think about? Keep thinking about it. What is a small mantra you can begin saying to yourself that feels comforting and loving? What music can you listen to right now that makes you feel connected to your inner truth? What is your soul saying to you? Sit quietly alone and listen. Write down some messages that you would like to have playing in your mind. Begin saying them to yourself each day. “I am perfect health”, “I am love”, “I am a loving soul”. These are some I use. Let me know what you think and what feels good to you. You are deeply loved. Trust me on this one.

trust-quotes

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Taking back your power from depression

Written by Amie on February 6, 2012 – 1:20 am -

You are love….you have the answers you need right inside you…..dig through the old lies and stories to rediscover the truth you were born with…..you are a beautiful soul…..you deserve to be here…..you deserve to feel joy every day……let go of the old stuff you have carried around for years…..question every single thing you tell yourself…..only keep it if you know it to be 100% true….that means you have to prove that it is true! Do something for yourself that feels good…right now….tell yourself you are falling in love with…..YOU! 🙂

You have power!

Okay, here we go…….I have been having a bit of trouble writing lately because there is a tiny part of me that does not want to own my true power. I am right on the edge of stepping 100% into who I truly am. What am I afraid of? I am a tiny bit afraid of being seen as a “know it all”. Honestly, that is my truth right now. Up until a few years ago, I played small. I played the game of pretend….pretending I didn’t have power inside me….pretending I didn’t know how powerful I really am. When I say powerful, I do not mean this in an ego-based way….I am talking about the power every single one of us has because we are all a part of the same source. The only problem is, so many of us either do not recognize it, do not own it, or choose to keep it hidden. This is sad. Instead, most people are taught to play small; to go along with the crowd so as not to “make waves”. That was me. Until now.

threshold of fear

Here I go….I am stepping over that tiny threshold of fear, and letting go of the untrue thought that people will think I am a know it all. Even if someone does think that, it really isn’t about me, it is about them. I want to share with you what I *know* for certain. When I was severely depressed, this message most likely would not have made a difference to me, so I understand if this does not resonate with you *right now*. This is what I have come to know without an ounce of doubt and I want to share it with each and every person I come into contact with. Maybe you already know this and feel this deep in your bones. I pray that you do!!! I began the journey of learning this message after my kids were born. However, I did not *feel* it so deeply until the last year or so. If I could explain to you how I felt at the beginning of this journey, and how I feel now….you would be utterly amazed beyond words. I know I am. I came back to the truth that I know we are all born with.

So, this is what I know. These words are not mine. I just happen to be the conduit for them.

blaming others 

Depression is your soul’s way of trying to wake you up to remember your truth. I know I have said this before, but I must keep repeating it. Depression is your soul’s way of screaming (gently!) to you to please come back to realize you are magnificent. One reason you are feeling so badly about yourself is because you bought into (innocently)the nonsense that people who were supposed to love and protect you, either told you, or showed you, via their actions. This is not the fault of anyone. They were taught the same lessons they passed on to you, and for whatever reason, it was not their time to wake up and realize how dysfunctional their behaviors were. Many people have very sensitive souls. If this is the case for you, it was even more difficult for you to be with dysfunctional people in your life. Your soul was screaming out your truth, and this truth was shut down by dysfunctional people and/or a dysfunctional society. You learned to hide. If we stay hidden for too long, we have no choice but to shut down the truth that we were born with.

learning to take back your power

I am not saying all of this so you can blame your depression on someone else. That is not my message here. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Your life experiences made you the perfect soul you are today. I am telling you this to encourage you to take back your power. When you allow yourself to see and feel the pain and hurt you have endured in your life, you automatically take back the power that was taken from you. Each time you question something you were taught to believe, you gain back power.  The more you question, the more you gain your power back. I am telling you this so that you can understand why you may be hating yourself right now. Your soul is weighted down with self-hate messages that are just plain lies. When you believe the self-hate, you can’t function in your truth. You are fighting against self-hate. The way to get out of depression is to start loving yourself. And, please believe me, I understand this does not always happen overnight. I say “not always”, because I want to leave the possibility open for you to believe it actually *can* happen overnight. Self-love begins when you start listening to and questioning the voices and messages in your head. Replace the lies with the truth. The truth is, every single one of us is here to give and receive unconditional love.

we are all mirrors for each other

We are here to see the beauty in each and every living being we come into contact with. Each being we come into contact with is a mirror for us. Each being has a part of us in them. We are all a part of each other. What I dislike in another person, I also dislike in myself. What I love in another, I love in myself. What irritates me in another, also irritates me in myself. This is a difficult pill to swallow sometimes, but it is the truth. Once we can see ourselves in every single living person/animal/flower etc., we will know unconditional love and we are free. Start by looking at every thought that goes through your mind….every reaction you have……every belief you have…..every choice you make…..and then question it…..while always being as gentle with yourself as you would be with a young baby. Nurture yourself by allowing your truth to surface without judging it. Replace the self-hate with a loving thought, even if it doesn’t feel true right now.

 

You are love….you have the answers you need right inside you…..dig through the old lies and stories to re-discover the truth you were born with…..you are a beautiful soul…..you deserve to be here…..you deserve to feel joy every day……let go of the old stuff you have carried around for years…..question every single thing you tell yourself…..only keep it if you know it to be 100% true….that means you have to prove that it is true! Do something for yourself that feels good…right now….tell yourself you are falling in love with…..YOU! 🙂

 

 

 

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