You are so much more than you were conditioned to believe

Written by Amie on September 11, 2013 – 12:27 am -

if something offends you, ask yourself what is it in you that is being triggered?

I feel a deep shift happening within me, and it feels incredible! I am not sure I will be able to describe it, but I’m going to give it a shot. First, I want to let you know two things. One is that I am going to talk about religion (in reference to my own experience), so if hearing others views of religion offends you, you may not want to read this. (however, my suggestion to you is that if something offends you, ask yourself what is it in you that is being triggered?) The second thing is that this post involves much more than just a brief talk about religion, so please keep reading. What I am feeling lately is that for years (who knows how long really?) people have been oppressed because the “higher up people” (i.e. priests, those in power, etc) do not want others to experience their true essence! It feels like the goal is to keep people from feeling the beauty and the power that is within each of us. I have thought about this before, but clarity and depth has come to me over the past week or so. I was raised in the Catholic church. As soon as I moved out on my own, I stopped going to church. Maybe I went for awhile out of guilt, but not for very long. When my kids were born, the guilt got me, and I let the guilt make the decision to have them baptized in the Catholic church. That is the last time they have stepped foot in the church. I regretted having them baptized. I also shunned anything even remotely resembling anything to do with religion. So, this new clarity has been very interesting to me. I am not religious at all in the traditional sense….however, I consider myself very connected to Divine Creation or Divine Energy, and I consider myself “god-like”, the same way I consider every single being in the universe!

I am simply done with believing that some people are better

I found this quote that expresses exactly how I feel. (remember this is my experience and my opinion) “One of the main functions of formalized religions is to protect people against a direct experience of God”~Carl Jung. Oh my goodness this resonates with me in a very deep “a-ha”kind of way. It all makes sense now. It’s a control thing. If people directly feel how magnificent (god-like) they are, those in control will no longer be in control. They wouldn’t have the leverage anymore. Therefore, the goal is to keep people oppressed, keep them believing they are sinners, they are bad. Telling people they will go to hell if they don’t comply with certain “rules” that “god himself ” (a whole other topic about god being a human, and a man) stated. In my opinion, hell is right here on earth for all people who are living in misery, living in a deep dark depression, beating themselves up for not being able to feel better.  I was in hell for years, thinking something was so very wrong with me.

the chosen ones

We have been led to believe that some people (those special few) are the chosen ones to “teach” the rest of us. Oh wow, this does not sit right with me at all! I hope it doesn’t sit well with anyone! I realize what I’m writing may strike a chord with people, and I’m okay with that. This is my blog to discuss my experiences and my thoughts, so here I am doing just that. As always, I hope that my words and experiences spark questions within those reading. I am simply done with believing the lie that some people are better or more enlightened or deserve more than anyone else. Here is what I know for sure. “You are not a drop in the ocean… You are the entire ocean in a drop.”~ Rumi  To me this means each and every one of us is magnificent and powerful beyond belief! Most of us have never had an inkling that this is true because we have been conditioned *away from* who we truly are! And, in this regard I am not just talking about religion. This conditioning comes from many sources. When we are children, it comes from our family because this is the way they were conditioned. It comes from teachers, priests, community leaders, etc. (and please realize, I don’t mean every single person in these positions! Obviously, there are wonderful nurturing, loving people in these positions as well) Until people question their beliefs, it continues to be passed on and on and on……QUESTION EVERYTHING!!!

“too big for their britches”

I realize I am saying things that many have been saying for years. But I need to write about it because the truth has resonated so deeply within me. I think about how many brilliant beautiful children are being conditioned to think something is deeply wrong with them, when in reality it is the adult or adults in their lives that feel threatened by this pure beauty. Therefore, the goal is to make sure the child doesn’t get “too big for their britches”. The goal is to make them never forget that the adult is in control and the child should feel lucky to “live under my roof”. I think about how many parents are emotionally triggered by their children, and then punish the child for being rude or disrespectful or a brat. All because the parent refuses to look at their own upbringing to ask themselves “WHY” is this bothering me so much? Children are brutally honest until they are taught that honesty is not okay. They are taught to “keep it to themselves”, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it”. The definition of “nice” being, “stop saying things that push my buttons, I don’t want to deal with my inner demons”. So, the cycle of “hide your truth” begins. Children receive the message that they do not deserve to be heard, so shut off your voice.

every single human and animal you come into contact with is a mirror for you

I feel very passionate about helping people “heal” from depression. I so badly want each and every human being to *know* instinctively how incredible they are. Your magnificence is just covered up by conditioning; false beliefs that you picked up from your surroundings. People ask me how I got rid of my depression. I truly can’t give them a checklist. It really starts with becoming aware of your thoughts, and becoming aware of the feelings those thoughts invoke within you. Becoming aware of the fact that every single human and animal you come into contact with is a mirror for you. Everyone mirrors back to you what things inside you need to be questioned and then healed.

It is time to stop this cycle! 

If you are suffering with depression, are there things in your life that you are not being truthful with yourself about? Are you listening to the voices (verbal and non-verbal) of others who reiterate that you need to dim your voice?Are you covering up your greatness in order to protect someone in your life from having to face their truth? We have been lied to! Over and over and over! It is time to stop this cycle! Depression is rampant because we are going along with the lies being fed to us. We are all capable of having miraculous lives. I promise you. Awareness, questioning, self-care, self-love,compassion for everyone,(especially those you were taught to hate), love, empathy, authenticity, truth, truth, truth. All of these things will begin falling into place as you begin to question your thoughts and beliefs, and make the decision that you will no longer believe the lie that there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you! You are magnificent! Depression is the mask for covering up your truth. Unveil your truth, little by little.

And one more thing

When one is willing to own their story, say their truth, and feel their pain, depression begins to lift. It is a process. This process will be like the waves in the ocean. It is a process of ebb and flow. Some days you will feel lighter and feel relief, and then you might feel heaviness and feel your feelings crashing and crashing.  Your true magnificence will begin to shine through once you voice your truth. Hiding and covering up what is true only keeps one trapped in the belief that something is wrong with you.

 

 

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self hate, Self-love | 1 Comment »

My pain is still my pain even if there are other people who have it “much worse” than I do

Written by Amie on November 9, 2010 – 10:51 pm -

My pain is not that bad compared to others! Argh…..

I feel the need to talk about this because it has “triggered” anger in me lately. I have realized that for most of my life, I have put my own pain in the category of “not that bad” compared to many other people. This is true, there are so many other people who have had horrific things happen to them. It is difficult for me to even hear some of their stories. I usually end up in tears. However, just because others have had worse experiences and maybe more pain, it does not discount my pain. I can have deep compassion for others, while still honoring my own experience. I think it is common for us to be conditioned to shrug off our own pain and suffering because, “we should be grateful, we are so lucky compared to other people.” Again, I don’t mean to discount others’ pain either. That is not my point. My point is that everyone has some emotional pain and/or physical things that have happened to them. Each individual must honor their own situation, and know that their pain and suffering is just as important as everyone else.

I shame myself

I think it is very important to honor the fact that your pain is just as valid as the next person. When I tell myself that “I should be grateful, I have xyz, and I am able to do xyz”, I feel guilty for talking about my pain. I shame myself for even thinking I have a right to have pain, anger, sadness, emptiness etc. I can see how we are conditioned to always look at the other person, and give them empathy and compassion. Don’t get me wrong, these are incredible things to give someone. But, not always at the expense of ourselves. A friend of mine was talking about another friend who, “is so giving”, and “he gives of himself constantly”. Then in the next breathe he told me how depressed his friend is and that he isn’t taking time to honor that in himself. “Others are suffering more” he thinks. This could be true, but it also might not be true. And, it really doesn’t matter if it is true. What matters is that he honors himself so that eventually he will be able to help others on the same path. I truly believe we need to heal our own wounds before it is possible for us to help others in an authentic way. I was able to go through the motions many times to help others because I felt my pain was “nothing” compared to what they needed from me. However, inside I was dying, and when I don’t honor the part of me that is suffering and needing nurturing, my own pain gets worse, and in turn makes it nearly impossible for me to help others.

Guilt and Shame

I feel angry that my own pain and my own situation was discounted. I am also angry that I learned to start ignoring myself and my needs because I got the message that I should just be thankful…for my family….for my health….for all of the material things…..blah blah blah. Please don’t misunderstand…..I am beyond grateful for these things, but that doesn’t mean I should ignore that inner voice screaming my truth. There have been times when life just did not seem worth it to me. But I suffered rather than tell anyone. There were times when I wanted to just give up, and on some level I did. Then I attached shame and judgment to it. You know what I mean,”how can I think these things? ” I am so lucky to have what I have and be in the situation I’m in.” The main message I sent myself was that I should not ever “complain”. I was being an ungrateful baby and I should look how bad other people have it. Ugh……….starting now…..this is the affirmation I will use when I hear myself saying, “I shouldn’t feel xyz…..or “Why can’t I just be happy with the way things are”………Affirmation: I honor my feelings, and my feelings are valid regardless of other peoples’ experiences. This affirmation helps me to remember that I am, in fact, responsible for my life. I take more of my power back by doing this.

Honor yourself

Honor and accept yourself and honor your feelings. Your feelings are valid regardless of what someone else tells you and regardless of what your shaming judgmental voice is telling you. Your experiences are valid, and you have a right to feel exactly as you feel. Breathe…..breathe…..honor….love yourself……you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Remember the mean voice that is telling you to discount your own pain is NOT who you really are. That is the voice from the past that conditioned you to believe untruths about yourself. Just BE with YOU. You are worth being with and you deserve to be heard. Namaste.

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