The world has been missing you; begin your journey to discovering the real you

Written by Amie on November 13, 2012 – 2:20 am -

you will start feeling better the minute you decide to start listening to your inner voice

It is exciting to hear about so many people waking up to discover who they really are. I love the thought of people waking up to realize their depression can be “fixed”. Believe me, I know how bad depression can feel, and I know how sometimes it feels as though you will never feel better and what is the point? I am here to say, “please hang in there, you will start feeling better the minute you decide to start listening to your inner voice”. We are living in an exciting time. Trust me, I know it doesn’t feel that way. It feels pretty chaotic right now. I describe it as the storm before the calm. I have been feeling heavy energy for a few months now. My belief is that we, as humans, are waking up at an accelerated speed. Depression is high, anxiety feels unbearable, and people seem to have temporary insanity! lol It is temporary, I do believe that. I have been a witness to several people waking up to realize that all they thought was true really isn’t. It is disheartening for them at first, then they may feel angry, and then they figure out a new way of “being”. And then they wonder why the heck didn’t anyone tell them about this whole other way of being? The answer to that is they weren’t ready until now.

you are depressed because you have buried yourself

Why am I talking about this? Because I want to reassure those who are suffering deeply right now that things will get better and easier. This is true if you are willing to look inside yourself and listen. This is true if you are willing to acknowledge those feelings that you think others may disagree with or may dislike. This is true if you decide that you deserve love, you deserve to be nurtured, and you deserve to express yourself exactly as you need to (assuming you are not intentionally hurting others, or physically hurting others!) I want to add that telling the truth to someone may cause them to blame you for “hurting them”. This is not what I mean  by intentionally hurting others. It is your right to express your truth. How another person responds to you is their truth. If you are willing to look at your life and be honest about the things that are bringing you down, you can begin to find the true soul that has been buried deep within you. You are depressed because you have buried yourself. Remember, it is perfectly understandable why you did this. You did it to protect yourself. At some point in your life, you came to the conclusion that you needed to protect yourself from being hurt by others. You have built in protection, and your body and mind knew exactly what to do so that you could cope with your life.

it is okay to feel angry

Depression is your soul’s way of screaming to you that it wants to be seen. And heard. It is tired of being beat up. You learned to beat yourself up for things that were out of your control. There are so many dysfunctional adults in our world, and they pass along messages of self-hate to their children. They really don’t do this intentionally. It happens because it is too painful for them to get help. It is okay to feel angry at the people in your life who conditioned you to believe there was something wrong with you. It isn’t always productive to express this to them, in my experience. If they have not grown emotionally, then it is mostly a waste of time and energy to tell them how you feel. So, in my experience, it is most helpful to work through these issues with a therapist or people who are also growing, and who see you and accept you and nurture you for who you are. You will truly be shocked at what you have been believing about yourself and those in your life. You will come to see that most of the thoughts in your head are just not true, and they came from other people. You will slowly begin to start questioning why you do everything you do, where your beliefs came from, and who your true self really is. Your depression will begin to fade as you begin to let your voice be heard. You will start to only allow those people in your life that truly support and encourage you to be your true self. You may discover how much you actually hate certain things you have been telling yourself you should love. Resentment will begin to be felt, and this is normal. You may be resentful that you  were conditioned to believe things that simply weren’t true.

discovering who you are is a process

Discovering your true self is an exciting process! It is the process children should be living as a normal rite of passage. Someday, this will be reality. But right now, at this point in the evolution of humans, this is where we are. We are waking up to see that we have been conditioned to hide so as to fit in or appear as though we have it all together.  Well, I say, give yourself permission to begin your process of discovering who you are. The world has been missing you! Start right now. Start by writing down some of the thoughts going through your head for ten minutes. Question them. If you think they are true, make yourself prove it. Pick one nice thing to say to yourself, and repeat it each time you say something negative. Repeat it, repeat it, and repeat it again, even when you don’t believe it. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you”, even if it doesn’t feel true and you feel goofy saying it. Do that as many times a day as you are willing, but do it at least once. Do one thing a day that feels nurturing to you. Take a walk, light a candle and sit in silence, watch a movie. Do something that feels good. Learn to meditate. There is no “right way”. Oprah had an interview with Deepak Chopra a week or so ago that teaches beginning meditation. And, guess what, you can start by sitting for one minute a day. It is easy to feel afraid to start something new. I understand this, especially when you are feeling really low. I get it, I promise you. But I also know that meditation changed my life. It can change yours too. And, it has nothing to do with religion, if that is an issue for you.

there is nothing wrong with you

So……I want you to know…there is nothing wrong with you…..and there is nothing wrong with you because you are suffering with depression right now……depression is just covering up the real you because you were conditioned to hide your truth. You true self is waiting to be re-discovered. Your true self is how you were born. I promise you…..you are loved….you are perfect exactly as you are…and your depression will begin to lift as soon as you being to look at your truth. Depression can be debilitating, I know from experience. I also know that I am more alive and more authentic than ever before in my life. I want to give you hope, because I *know* without one shred of doubt, that you can feel alive and happy and authentic too. Is it an easy road? Not always, I won’t lie to you. But is it worth it? HELL YES!!!!!

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, healing from depression, Help with depression, Meditation, Nurture yourself, Self hate | No Comments »

Depression and choosing to be alive

Written by Amie on June 23, 2010 – 8:10 pm -

My experience that might help others who are in deep depression

I would like to share this experience with you because I think it might help people that are in the deep dark places where depression can take us. I had this experience awhile back, but I was recently talking about it with a friend, and  thought it would be helpful to write about it here. I’ve written several times about how I have suffered with very deep depression. I say this because I want anyone reading this to know that I didn’t just have a “bout” of depression, so I really understand how debilitating it is.  I want to share this “ah-ha” moment because it really changed my thinking about feeling so depressed that you think you don’t want to be alive.

I didn’t think I wanted to be alive

I have been in that place several times. I have been in a place that I felt so depressed that I just wished I would die. I didn’t make any plans on how to do it, and honestly I would never do it. But, the fact is that I have felt bad enough that I thought that’s what I wanted. One night I was talking to my therapist, and I was feeling really really low. One question she asked me sparked hope within me. She asked me if I want to be alive. She asked me to put aside my emotions and how bad I was feeling, and just ask myself, “do I want to be alive?” There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be alive, which shocked me. I thought I didn’t want to be here, I have actually said those words before, “I don’t even want to be here”. But when she asked me that question there was no hesitation, the answer came without me even thinking about it. After I said I wanted to be here, I added the sentence, “but I don’t know how to be happy here”. This is the part I needed help with. I hope what I am writing makes sense. It may not sound like there is a difference, but there really is. It gave me hope knowing that I want to be here in this physical body right now. At the time, I really thought I didn’t want to be here. After she asked me the question, I actually gained hope. I had hope that since I wanted to be here, I could get help so that I could find ways to heal and find joy again. I know there are people who think they don’t really want to be here. My brother was one of them. He committed suicide over three years ago. Knowing what I know now, I really think down deep my brother wanted to stay here, but didn’t have the tools he needed in order to live here without suffering every day of his life. He gave up hope that he could ever find what he needed in order to feel joy.

Conforming can lead to self-destruction

I want to share my perspective because I want people to know that there are ways to heal depression. I wanted to share this specific experience because it gave me a new perspective. I have healed so much since the realization that I do want to be alive. I have worked hard on healing my past wounds that were debilitating me. In my last post, I wrote about how we learn to hide our truth in order to fit in or to gain love and acceptance. It is not always easy to break out of these self destructive habits. For me, I had to remind myself VERY often that my negative thoughts were not true. These negative thoughts and habits were conditioned non-truths. As children we learn to conform to what the adults around us need. As we grow, we get into the habit of conforming to what our peers are doing, what our society is doing, etc. We learn to look outside of ourselves hoping to find what we need. We learn to quiet the voice inside of us that is revealing our truth. We conform to fit the mold of what others need us to be. Depression happens when our truth is completely buried, and we get to the point of barely having any emotions at all. We shut down. Often times, anger is alive within us, but we don’t allow ourselves to even express that. Anger is present because it allows us to hide all of the hurt that we repressed when we were busy blocking our truth. Many people finally explode with the anger, sometimes lashing out at others. Some people may internalize the anger and let it eat them alive until they can’t take it anymore. They lash out at themselves rather than let themselves *feel* the repressed truth within them. They don’t allow themselves to *feel* what is really going on in their body. It can feel overwhelming at first since many of us never learned how to express emotion in the first place.

Reminding myself that emotion is energy

When I first learned that I did in fact,  have other emotions than just anger, I was surprised to learn that emotions are energy. It is the *story* we tell ourselves *about* the emotions we are having that make things more difficult. When I allow myself to just feel the emotion (energy) moving through my body, and acknowledge what I am feeling in my body and where I feel it, the energy moves along. Releasing this energy is a huge relief. It is when I try to figure out *why* it is there, or what happened to make me feel a certain way that I complicate my experience. Let it flow! Most of us have learned to be afraid of emotions. We have learned that they must be bad since we were not allowed to feel our truth or express it. Expressing ourselves has everything to do with wanting to be alive, and allowing ourselves to *feel* our “aliveness”. When we repress emotion, we are repressing *who we are*. When we repress who we are, we are sending ourselves the message that we don’t matter. The truth is we absolutely *do* matter, and everyone has the right to express themselves and to be who they are.

Learning how to be who you are and choosing to be alive!

The night that I realized I wanted to be alive, I knew I needed to work hard on allowing myself the space to be who I truly am. I would no longer just agree to doing things if my body was screaming to me, “NO”. Each time I was asked to do something, or asked my opinion, I learned to stop and check in with myself first. Then I would give an answer. Each time I listened to what was true for me in that moment, I was giving myself the true messages that would replace the old negative untruths. It takes practice, so give yourself the space and the compassion and patience you deserve. Each time I allow my truth to be heard, I take back some of my inner power that was given away. This post ended up being longer than I thought it would, but I hope it helps to give hope to those suffering with depression. There is always hope, I promise you. I didn’t go into every single thing I do in order to restore my truth, but I have in past posts, and I would be glad to talk to anyone that wants more detail. Please feel free to e-mail me from the home page. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, please get help right away.

Embracing your inner acceptance, “Affirmations”, by Harold Becker, The Love Foundation.

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