It is OK to feel joyful and happy

Written by Amie on August 24, 2009 – 12:55 am -

Allowing Joy

I am sure that I have written about this in another post along the way, but I feel the need to write about it again, so I apologize if this feels too familiar! At times, it  has been difficult to allow myself to feel joyful and happy without having the attached guilt and sadness of the fact that there are many people who are suffering and unhappy. It has taken me quite awhile to get to the realization that we are not all in the same place in our healing  journey. Also, each one of our paths looks different. Some people are not ready to feel joy and happiness. That is okay. I can also see now that it is OK for me to feel joy whether or not others feel it or not. I have been holding myself back from realizing my own happiness, because I want others to feel the same happiness. I want it to be “fair”. I have learned that it is okay for me to feel joy and happiness, even if other people do not. I know that there is room in the world for every single one of us to feel happy and joy. We are all capable of this.

Expecting bad to happen

I noticed a pattern in myself when I am feeling good. I noticed that I wasn’t allowing myself to have the good feelings without also having feelings of fear and guilt. The fear comes from a place of thinking that something bad has to happen when I feel good. My thoughts were about expecting something bad to counteract the good. How can someone possibly feel this good, without something bad also happening? Somehow, I programmed myself to attach negative thoughts to my happy feelings. I am reminded of the expression of “when will the other shoe drop?” Somehow I taught myself to think that I can’t be “lucky” enough to be happy, without something bad happening. I am sure that this belief was used as a coping mechanism at some point.  In order to cope with the downfalls of life, I taught myself not to get “too comfortable”. I thought I was teaching myself to make sure I knew that things won’t always go my way. I am not sure when I started thinking this, but I’m pretty sure it has been a belief for quite some time.

The mind is so powerful!

I am able to see now how powerful the stories in our minds can be! I had myself convinced that you can’t be happy without also experiencing something bad. I was able to convince myself that this story was true. Well, now I can see my story, and see that it is not true. I am allowed to be happy and full of joy. This is a birthright for each of us. I know there will be unhappy events in my life, but it is not because I have allowed myself to be happy. It is because this is a normal part of life. I have learned that I will go with the flow, and I will allow myself to feel happy without feeling like the other shoe will drop soon. Using the law of attraction has helped me tremendously with this. I am able to focus on how I want my life to look, not on what could possibly go wrong. This has made a huge difference in my process as well.

The Power of Thought

Our birthright is Joy

As I have said before, I do believe that we are here to learn how to feel joy and happiness, and to perfect the “art of self-love.” I really do believe that it is the state we are meant to be in. Until we add all of the conditioned baggage to our lives, we are in a state of pure joy and happiness. Look at a newborn baby. They are in a state of pure bliss, unless there is a physical problem. I feel like I have peeled back one more layer of my conditioned baggage, so to speak. Another layer of awareness that my thoughts and beliefs are  not always true, nor are they always based on reason. I have another new belief to add to my new collection of TRUE beliefs. My new belief is, “I allow myself to feel joy and happiness, and it is safe.” That feels pretty darn good!

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What do I need in this moment?

Written by Amie on July 24, 2009 – 12:23 am -

Who has Needs?

The first time I really ever considered this question was about two years ago when I started doing some deep healing work. Prior to that, I had never even considered what I needed. I just continued to do what I thought I “should” be doing, or what I thought was “the right thing”. I am much more in tune with my needs now, but I still have to remind myself and ask myself, what do I need right now? It is amazing the answers that come to me now! I can remember a time when I would hear someone say that they needed to take some time to be alone, or they needed time to process feelings. I thought they were speaking a foreign language. I could not, for the life of me, figure out how they actually knew what they needed! I can remember my all too often response of, “I don’t care”, or “I don’t know” when someone would ask what I wanted to do, or what I like.

A Whole New World

It was like a whole new world opened up to me once I started acknowledging that I have needs. Acknowledging my needs,and actually trying to get them met are two very different things. This was a very difficult thing for me to practice. At first, I felt guilty even having needs! Then I felt selfish having needs. I finally allowed myself to believe that if I am human, I must have needs! This evolved into honoring the fact that we all have needs, and that mine should be honored as well!  It takes practice.  I still have to remind myself often, but I am at the point where I can voice what I need, knowing that I may or may not have the need met. It has been quite a process (that I am still working on!), to get to the point of voicing my needs. I expect everyone to have needs, but I never left room for ME to have needs. Wow, no wonder depression seeps into my life. Repressing needs is a huge depression magnet. It sends the message that we are not worthy or important enough to have our needs considered.

You Are Worthy

Process Evolving

My process has been evolving over the last few years. I can now open up a tiny bit of space before making a decision, or considering if I want to do something or participate in something, etc. I am able to stop, take a few breaths, and check in with myself. I ask myself if the situation feels good to me right then. When I listen to my gut instinct, my answer is obvious. When I try to consider what someone wants me to do, the water gets cloudy. So, I practice listening to that voice inside first. I will come to a conclusion, and then I can decide if I want to do something, say something, etc. There have been times when I will decide to do something even if I don’t want to. If, for example, I know that the person would be overly joyful, then I might choose to decide to do it for them as a gift. I am jsut so happy that I am to the point where I know that I always have a choice, and that I do have needs.

Honoring Ourselves

So many of us have been taught to be the “good little girl/boy”, or “be nice”. It is no wonder that we won’t take our own needs into consideration, or that our needs are so far buried that we have forgotten that we even have any needs. I have learned once again, that I can’t truly give anything to anybody if I am not also honoring myself.   Of course there are times when we need to step up to help others without considering ourselves first, this is not what I am talking about. I am talking about really honoring ourselves the same way we would honor others. Our needs deserve the same consideration as others.  I am still in shock that I didn’t even know I had needs beyond the basic food, sleep, etc. Wow, what a process this has been! I guess I will have to write another post about honoring ourselves enough to find ways to get at least some of our needs met!

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