Emotional pain in other people

Written by Amie on October 25, 2014 – 2:08 am -

Compassion

When I feel other people in emotional pain, it is really hard for me. I am highly sensitive. I know this is one reason why being around others’ emotional pain can be difficult at times.  It can be hard work sometimes protecting myself from taking on their energy. The other reason is that I have so much compassion for others, especially those in emotional pain. It is not an easy journey being stuck in emotional hell. I’ve been there, many many times. Sometimes it is really hard because while I feel their pain, I also see ways for them to heal it. I know they can’t “hear me” unless they are ready. Many people are not ready to face their true emotional pain, especially if there is a lot of trauma involved or abuse was part of their background. So, even though I know I could share ways to help them, I also know I can’t unless they ask and they are truly ready.

I could see the pain on this person’s face

I met with someone today who I have been estranged from for close to three years now. It was one of those times when I was really hoping this person was ready to face some of their pain, so that our relationship could be restored.  I was wrong. This person only wanted to prove they were “right”. It was frustrating and heartbreaking all at the same time. I could see the pain on this person’s face, feel the pain in their energy. And, I could do nothing for them. If I were to “agree” to their “rightness”, I would be giving away a part of myself, and I can’t do that anymore. So I had to walk away, probably for good, from someone who has been in my life since my birth. (minus the last three years. )Very sad. This person isn’t willing to be vulnerable and to really face the pain of their past, and the pain of what happened. They say they have, but I don’t see it in their actions. The same behavior is present, so how can things be any different?

It is also FREEING

Honestly, I can’t even be angry because I truly understand emotional pain and being afraid to feel it. I remember a time when I didn’t even realize my depression had deep roots in my emotional pain. I just thought depression was a “state” of mind, something that happened to people who were flawed. No, nobody is flawed. Ever. People are wounded. Often. More often than not. It takes great strength and courage to really face emotional pain. It IS painful. It is also FREEING. When we feel, we heal.

Actions always speak way louder than words

So now I truly have to completely let go of any hope that this relationship will get healthy. I pretty much knew that already, but now it is 100% clear to me. This person is stuck in their emotional wounding, and it is blocking them from healing so that their relationships today can be healthy. It is very sad. I am sad. I have more grieving to do. I must also grieve for what could have been. Years ago, I would have just given a part of myself away and gone back to the way things were. I love myself so much now that I won’t do it. I practice self care, which means setting healthy boundaries. This is healthy and not easy. It isn’t always easy because those who are stuck in their ways will tell you how wrong you are and that you aren’t listening to them, etc etc. And I say, “actions always speak way louder than words.” Being vulnerable is not easy. Feeling your pain is not easy. But it is SO worth it!

 

Here is a good video that talks about “the pain body” (accumulated emotional pain and trauma)

 

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Nothing is “good” and nothing is “bad”

Written by Amie on June 30, 2013 – 2:55 am -

I wonder what lesson this is bringing me?

Nothing is “good” and nothing is “bad”. Situations and experiences are just that, they just “are”. They don’t have to be good or bad, right or wrong. Everything that happens in my life is for the purpose of my spiritual growth. By labeling my experiences, I distract myself from feeling them authentically. We have been conditioned to label everything that happens to us. It is what we do as humans. I am learning to step back and observe my experiences, trying not to label them. This is hard work. Not an easy practice. My mind wants to label everything, wants to put each experience into an organized file so to speak. But what if you don’t call something good or bad, right or wrong? What if you can step back and say “hmmm….here I am experiencing this, I wonder what lesson this is bringing me?” Everything is for our growth, it is up to us as to whether or not we choose to “see” the lesson. If I think about the labels of right and wrong, they conjure a feeling of shame. I believe these words are used to invoke a feeling of guilt and shame in people. Who gets to decide what is deemed “right” and what is deemed “wrong”. Obviously I am not speaking of murder or things like that. That is another issue. But seriously, right and wrong…interesting topic. Where did this list of right and wrong come from? And why is it needed when it comes to an individual’s life, if everything happens for the purpose of our personal growth? I even think about people who say things like, ” he was wrong to do that to me”. What if it turns out to be the best thing for the person’s growth? It is easier to blame someone else and make them “the bad guy”. It is easier to become the victim than it is to really look at why certain things are happening in your life. And also, really looking at your reactions to them.

I wanted to label it “horrible”

Recently, I caught myself labeling my experience of being cut out of someone’s life. I wanted to label it “horrible”, and “a terrible thing”, and I also labeled it  “a relief”. While I was busy labeling, my heart was hurting. Even though I told myself I wasn’t surprised that this happened, I was grieving deeply for the relationship I never had. The relationship I have dreamed of. So, I allowed myself to just feel the pain. It is difficult to explain my experience without also labeling it. So I will just say, my body was heavy, tired, and my stomach felt sick; I believe this to be grief. The longer I allowed myself to grieve, the more my experience became about my body sensations and an inner *knowing*, rather than a story. The process was pretty cool. As I just allowed my emotions to flow through me, the pain lessened. I started feeling lighter. Sadness is still lingering, as well as some fear. But, overall, I feel better and I have come to the understanding that all is well even though this experience appears to be “horrible” if I were to label it. I know that it is all happening for the growth of my soul. I know it was “meant to be”.  I go in waves of being okay with it and being deeply sad.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be

I always come back to a *knowing* that things are exactly as they should be and I am exactly where I am supposed to be on this journey. I know that if I can just allow my emotions to be as they are without judging them or labeling them, they will flow through. This doesn’t mean there won’t be pain, but as long as there is truth and allowing and accepting, the wave will flow smoother.It really helps me to keep a neutral outlook. Life isn’t simple, but it can be easier if we can just let it flow without calling experiences good or bad, right or wrong. Sometimes things happen that appear to be terrible, and they may not be easy to feel, but at some point it will be clear as to why they happened the way they did. If we can stay in truth instead of trying to hide in denial, the message or lesson will be revealed.

This is one of my new favorite songs…I hope you enjoy it. You are loved!! “I Am Light” by India.Arie.

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