letting go of the outcome

Written by Amie on July 18, 2013 – 2:56 am -

“The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.” ~Osho

 

not conforming to dysfunctional ways

I had about a month of not having to deal with people accusing me of ruining things. What “ruining things”  means to me is that I shook things up by not conforming to what other people wanted me to do. I didn’t go back to “business as usual”. This felt really good to have some time away from the unhealthy actions of people who were living in their roles of the victim.  Sad, but good. And then today, another form letter arrived in my mailbox. I call it a form letter because it is words written down that have no feeling in them whatsoever, besides an attempt to guilt me in hopes that I will say, “sure, let’s go back to the way things were.” It is so very sad to me that some people may never face their emotional pain. Instead, they project their negativity onto those around them, especially any loved ones that allow them to. They project their negativity onto others, blaming the other people instead of facing the truth. It is easier to do this, I get it. And it is hard work to face years and years of dysfunctional behavior. But, it is also the only way to heal yourself and to heal relationships that have been harmed.  

DEAL with the affects of alcoholism and enabling and unhealthy behavior

Unhealthy behavior can be blamed on alcoholism, on drug abuse, etc etc. However, my question is always, “what is the alcoholic or the recovering alcoholic, or the person overeating, or shopping too much, etc. covering up?” What feelings and experiences are they avoiding that they aren’t ready to face? Instead of facing their pain, they tend to lash out and hurt others. It can be verbally, emotionally, or physically, or all of these.  I get it, it is painful work to face emotional pain. Yes, people are affected by loved ones who have addictions. I get it. I have been affected by alcoholic behavior. I was also affected by enabling behavior. I get that too. I was forced to draw a boundary. I had to if I wanted to keep myself healthy. To further my own healing. To DEAL with the affects of alcoholism and enabling and unhealthy behavior (instead of just blaming alcoholism, I took action). I have worked through many of the issues that have stemmed from this. Years of undoing the unhealthy behaviors I learned. It gets very tiring to hear someone telling me I have been affected by alcoholism. I get it. I know. I took action. Stop using this as a way to avoid looking at your own pain and avoid taking action by continuing to tell me  I was affected. I get it, it is more convenient to blame everything on something so that no action has to be taken.  Other people, on the other hand, have not taken action to change their situation and begin their healing. Therefore, boundaries must be put in place. If a person chooses to live a certain way, I am okay with that. But please don’t ask me to pretend I am okay with living that way. I love myself enough to take good care of myself. Please stop trying to put blame where blame doesn’t belong. It is what steps you take in order to take your power back, to begin healing , that will change things. If no steps are taken, the unhealthy person or people will continue on down the road hurting others and not taking responsibility for their actions.

But don’t expect others to be the target for your anger and lies

The truth is that I wish healing for all those I love. That doesn’t mean I want to subject myself to disrespectful, unhealthy, and sometimes very mean behavior. I won’t. It means I will send them love from afar and let go of the outcome. I have to let go. I have to take care of myself and my family. I have been doing my own work for years now. I don’t care if someone disagrees with my going to therapy, or to therapy in general. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I am doing what is best for me. I only wish healing for all. Staying in denial can be a necessary thing for some people. I get it. Sometimes it truly is just too painful. I understand. But don’t expect others to be the target for your anger and lies. You will have to deal with that yourself. Again, I will send you love from afar. If you don’t understand where I am coming from, it might be helpful to find a therapist that will support you. I only wish some people understood that doing inner work creates self-love. It can be frustrating to hear that some people believe therapy is about sitting with the therapist and bashing those who have caused you pain.  Healthy therapy is not that at all. Healthy therapy is being supported on the journey to self-love. It is about truth, it is about taking responsibility for your actions, behaviors, and words. It is about taking ownership of your life. It is learning to be truthful about your feelings and learning to feel your emotions! It is about being gentle with yourself while you unlearn beliefs and thoughts that were never true to begin with. I still believe all is exactly as it should be. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing. Everything happens for a reason. It is a process. Be real. Be truth. Be love. Be authentic. Heal. Grow. Love. Find your truth. Live your truth. Be brave. Be courageous. Love yourself through it all. Be gentle.

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Posted in Awareness, Connection, Healing & personal growth, healing from depression, Self hate, Self-love | 2 Comments »

Love yourself, heal yourself; love everyone, heal the planet

Written by Amie on June 13, 2013 – 2:25 am -

65% of people are unhappy

The energy in the universe is so heavy right now. I feel it on a daily basis. I believe that if each individual person can work on healing themselves, then the whole planet will shift. In fact, I believe we are in the midst of a huge shift of consciousness right now. I believe that the negative energy of each individual is fueling the negative chaotic happenings in the world at this time. And, people are at a very heightened stage of negativity. So many people are depressed. I heard a statistic the other day that said 65% of people are unhappy. Things are happening more rapidly, and time feels as though it is moving faster. Things in the political arena have gone haywire, and people are doing crazy things. People are desperately trying to hang on to the “old way” of doing things, which is not working, but many are having a difficult time letting go. With all of this being said, I think this is a good thing. Negative, traumatic, hateful, old beliefs and patterns, old ways of being with each other that are not nurturing, sadness, grief, etc….all of these things are coming up in people because the universe wants us all to heal. These things are coming up so that together, we can work on healing ourselves which in turn will heal the planet. The unhealthy state of the planet is equal to the unhealthy state of the human population. When we are able to heal our self-hate and judgment of one another, and instead come together to listen to and love each other, the planet will heal. Every time a person heals themselves, more love is put into the universe. When groups of people come together in mediation and/or prayer, healing for the whole universe happens. Focusing on loving ourselves is the same as loving other people. The more we love ourselves. the more we love others, and the more the planet heals. Love heals.

permission_to_shinekellyraeroberts

(this beautiful creation is by Kelly Rae Roberts. My sister gave me this, and it is so special to me)

YOU ARE THE MIGHTY OCEAN IN A DROP

In order to get to self love, we must look at the darkness within. It can be scary, it can be painful, and there may be a lot of grief to get through. But each time you peel back a layer of darkness, you put more love into your soul and more love into the soul of the universe. You are a piece of the whole. This is one of my favorite quotes:  “YOU ARE NOT JUST A DROP IN THE OCEAN. YOU ARE THE MIGHTY OCEAN IN A DROP.’ by Rumi.  It is so true. We are each other, we are the universe, we are every single being, plant, water, animal, everything. So when we hurt ourselves, we hurt everyone and everything. When we love ourselves, we love everyone and everything.  *This* is how powerful you really are. I promise you. When you get through the conditioned lies that you have lived with up until now, you will see your pure loving soul. You will see how bright your light is shining right inside you. You are depressed for a reason. The reason is that it is your time to heal so that you can be a light to others, to help them see their light. You are not the stories you have been told, you are not the pain you have endured, you are not the mean hateful accusations that others have spewed at you. Each and every one of us is born pure love. Over the years we are dealt different levels of lessons. Some we label painful, some we label traumatic, some we label horrible, etc. But all of these things made you who you are today. And you are perfection. If you can find it in your heart to face the darkness, do your work to overcome the lies and untruths someone else put on you, then you will begin to see the beauty inside you.

each of us has the responsibility of healing our own pain

When others lash out at you, it is their emotional pain talking.  Remind yourself that it is their emotional pain being expressed externally. They feel so horrible inside, that they aren’t able to contain it or express it in a healthy way, so they may lash out at others. It is not about you. It is best to move away from them if they continue to do this. It is not your responsibility to take on anyone else’s pain. Each of us has the responsibility of healing our own pain. In fact, we are the only ones who know our own pain and suffering. One factor of depression may be the result of taking on others pain and suffering. Others can be helpful and supportive, but we have to feel the pain, and allow the process to evolve. Sometimes, it is too painful, and one may choose to stay in denial. It is understandable. What I am saying is that if one wants to live a fully awakened life, sharing and loving with others, the hard work has to be done. Living is very different than just surviving your day. Fully living means to feel and be in the moment as it happens. Depression and anxiety can be overwhelming when our pain takes over. I understand this completely. And this is the reason that self compassion and self love have to practiced. Loving self talk has to the first step in healing. You have been beating yourself up for way too long. And, you don’t deserve to have someone else’s negative self talk running through your head as though it is truth. Negative self talk is the accumulation of dysfunctional behavior, other people’s emotional pain, and conditioned messages you picked up from traumatic or very stressful events in your life. You were not born with negative self talk. It was learned. And the awesome news is that it can be unlearned! I promise you!!! Little by little, or sometimes big by big, this self talk can be quieted and loving, nurturing talk can replace it. It takes awareness and practice, while you are working on peeling away the layers of untruths, and working through stressful traumatic experiences.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”~the Buddha(although many say the Buddha didn’t say this, I still love the quote!)

 

begin loving yourself right in this moment, even if it feels fake

I know how difficult depression is, I promise you, I have been so low I didn’t think I would survive. But I am here to tell you, you are pure love, you can heal, and there is nothing wrong with you. Right now, you are already perfect. Begin loving yourself right in this moment, even if it feels fake. Nurture yourself every single chance you get, even if it feels undeserved. Reach out to those you feel connected to. Distance yourself from those who hurt you, unless they are actively working on healing their own pain. If you choose to have them in your life, set boundaries to protect yourself from negativity and hateful words and actions until they can meet you in a healthy place. You can still have compassion for them without allowing them to hurt you. Give yourself time and space and love and nurture and connect with those who love and support you. Self love takes practice. Write yourself loving reminders, hang pictures that remind you to love and nurture yourself, read books that remind you to love yourself. Take time to process the experiences in your life that hurt you but remain repressed. Find a therapist who can gently help you through the process. We are all human and we all have emotional baggage and pain. It is what we decide to do with the pain that will determine how much love will be in our lives. Love yourself, heal the planet. You are loved!

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