Claiming my power; a huge step toward healing depression

Written by Amie on June 24, 2010 – 4:37 pm -

The gift of learning to question everything

I have always had a rebellious streak (which I was led to believe was negative, but now I see what a gift it is to be able to question everything!!!) inside me, but there were more times than not that I shoved it down just to go along with other people. I used to be a peace keeper. Of course, I am still for peace, but I am not THE peace keeper. I learned to not “make waves” so to speak. It felt easier at times to just go along with others so that I didn’t risk being vulnerable by stating the way I really felt. I have written so many times on here about how I believe depression comes from repressing your truth, or ignoring who you are. Lately, I have come to see it as giving away my power. Whenever I don’t speak up on behalf of my truth, I am giving away a part of myself; I am giving away my power. When I give away my power, it seems natural to feel depressed.  I have been  doing this for most of my life, which makes sense that I would suffer from depression for a very long time. The more we teach ourselves to repress our truth, the more power we loose. Bit by bit, the power gets buried. Each time you give some away, your true power gets pushed down further inside you. After giving away most of ourselves, depression feels permanent. It feels like we may as well just give up on thinking we can feel better. I want you to know that it is not permanent, you can heal and go on to feel strong and powerful. Your power is just buried, but you can dig it out again.

You are not responsible for what happened to you as a child

When children are forced to give up their power because the adults in their lives do not have the skills/energy/knowledge to nurture and protect them, children learn that there is something wrong within them. They learn to hide their deepest emotions and feelings so that the adults in their lives will love and accept them. This is when children begin the process of losing their true self and their true power. When you are a child, you rely on adults to help you navigate the world. Children need adults to nurture them for exactly who they are. I am saying this because  I want people to realize that they had no control over this when they were children. When you don’t get your needs met as a child, it is not your fault. There was never anything wrong with you, and there isn’t anything wrong with you now.  Being a mother myself, I also want to say that I am not writing this so that parents beat themselves up for not meeting their child’s needs. We all do the best we can, and if we didn’t get what we needed as a child, it takes a lot of effort to change the path with our own children. But it is very possible to change paths, AND it is never too late. We are all here to heal and grow, and I do believe we are always exactly where we need to be on our path. This is where I am supposed to be; how do I know this? Because this is where I am. I think this quote by Maya Angelou applies here, “when you know better, you do better.”

I AM responsible for myself as an adult

So, back to claiming my power. I suppose it can be viewed as “re-claiming” my power. We all have this power within. It has taken me a very long time to see that I did not have power over my truth when I was a child. I hid the real me so that I could attempt to get my needs met. Of course, I did not realize what I was doing when I did this, I was just a child trying to cope with the circumstances around me. Children want to be loved, and they will do almost anything to feel loved, including hiding their truth. This is the most important point I am trying to make (finally, right?!) I realized for myself, finally (I say this without judgment because, if I was supposed to realize it sooner, I would have realized it sooner), that I am responsible for me NOW. I am an adult now, and even though I didn’t get my needs met as a child, I am old enough to take responsibility for my truth and power NOW. No matter what happened to me or to anyone in the past, we do not have to let that define us NOW. We can choose to do something different, we can choose a different path, we can choose to give ourselves the gift or nurturing ourselves or finding others in our lives who nurture us. On some level I have known this all along, but not to the extent that I get it now. I *feel* my power being restored each time I speak up and say my truth, each time I make a decision that is right for *me* even though someone else may not like it. Even though I have been doing things that feel nurturing to myself for quite awhile now, I was still practicing the coping skills from my childhood in some situations. I wasn’t always speaking up when I didn’t agree, I would still go along with some things even though that voice inside was screaming, “NO, you don’t really want to do that!”

The power of  your inner guidance

Listen to that voice inside, it always guides you to your truth. I can’t explain the power I feel right now. When I say power, I mean my inner guidance, my inner knowing that *all is well with me*. I have a beautiful friend that has helped me see that I have a right to claim my place here, and so do you!!! We all do, we were put here deliberately. There is a reason that I am here, you are here, each one of us. We  are all here to heal and grow and to help each other. We are all ONE.  As each of us heals and grows, we are helping each other, which helps the collective energy of the world. You are here for a reason, you deserve to be here, you deserve JOY, and it is OK to claim your place in this Universe.

Enjoy this video by Abraham-Hicks called Before you Became Physical

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, Mindful/respectful parenting, Self-love | 4 Comments »

Returning to my truth again and again

Written by Amie on November 13, 2009 – 7:23 pm -

My Apprehension

I have been feeling a bit apprehension to write exactly how I am feeling. I don’t want to sound as though I am focusing on the negative. However, I feel as though my posts aren’t authentic if I am not being completely open and honest about what is going on with me. So, I have been meditating frequently on the subject of what it really means to me to be present in my life, and how negativity fits in. Many things have come up, but the one theme that seems to be recurring is that I am being present in my life as long as I am present with what is coming up for me. By this I mean, if emotions come up that stem from the past, it is normal for it to feel negative. It doesn’t mean I am focusing on the past or focusing on the negative, as long as I am present with the emotions themselves. It doesn’t help me if I let my mind go to the blaming game or the “I wish it could have been like this….”. I am able to see how that keeps me stuck.

Process emotions by allowing yourself to feel them

However, it is important for me to process my emotions as they come up by really feeling them.  I am not trying to push them away by going into the blaming or the I wish it were different. If I stay with how I am feeling right *now*, then I am not focusing on the negative, I am focusing on how I am feeling right now in this moment. Yes, my emotions may stem from something from the past, and that is OK. But it is important for me to stay with how I am feeling in this moment. If we keep playing stories over and over in our minds about how we wish things would have been different, or blaming someone for something they did or didn’t do for us, we are not present. To me, this means I am allowing my mind, or my *pain-body* to be in charge. This keeps us stuck in depression.

Conscious and Unconscious Thought

Stay with the emotions to stay in the now

Staying with the emotions that are happening right now is more difficult than staying stuck. Some emotions that stem from painful experiences are sad, scary, hurtful, or are difficult for us to accept. It is important to feel the sadness, feel the fear, feel the grief, feel the anger, feel the disappointment. For me, it is like making friends with my emotions. Saying hello to them, and asking them what I can do to help them flow through rather than stay stuck in an unhealthy pattern. Most of the time, it takes just acknowledging them and making sure they know I am with them. Letting them have a voice is very important. I know I have said this before, but in the early stages of my healing process, I had no idea how I felt. I could not answer the question, “what is going on with you?” My therapist taught me how to go to my body first, see what was happening there. For me, I tend to hold my emotions in my stomach. I learned to talk to the knot in my stomach to determine what was happening to me in the present moment. The knot in my stomach was holding onto unreleased trauma and fear from past situations, but the knot in my stomach was happening in the present moment. I would keep asking the knot to tell me what it wants to say, and I would get to the root of what was causing my emotions right then. Many times, I need to move my body to completely release the stuck emotions.

Emotional life shut down

Many of us have learned that living in the present moment can be painful. We may have learned that who we are in the moment is not enough, or not what others want from us. Returning to my truth means to remember these are stories, not truth. When I started down this healing road I had no idea my emotional life was completely shut down. When I learned to live in the present moment (at least part of the time!) it was a shock to me to learn I was  so shut down. As I began to unravel my truth, it was like I was meeting a stranger. Although it felt like I was meeting a stranger, it also felt like I had arrived home. Home being *my* home. My home is my truth; the truth that lives inside me. We all have a truth within us, one part being our “story”, that is unique to just us, and the remainder of the truth is universal to all. I (you) am/are loved, I(you) am/are here for a reason, I(you) am/are part of a much greater universal source, I(you) am/are accepted for exactly as I(you) am/are. I want to stay connected to that universal source and to you….thank you for being here to witness my truth. I would love to hear yours.

 

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